Hummm this is what I found what it means today since words seems to change what they mean through the years figured better see what it means now..


"shallow
The act of judging people by their looks, monetary status, clothes or car, rather than looking deep inside at their heart, personality, etc."


If this is is what it means now, then are we all not a bit shallow at times when meeting others? We call it Preference of what we are looking for we all have the right to have a Preference in those that we choose to date... Or one could say they are judging others.. which we all judge from time to time... Some just don't want to call it that for it is our right to go with what makes us feel comfortable...

So many labels when it all comes down to it if one does not feel right with the one they are with then there is something missing.. may not always be the other person.... if a pattern seems to be there...

So much wonderful responses!

My pattern is that I am gullible. I try not to be but I tend to trust quickly and completely.

The complete trust that makes me vulnerable is often abused by those I feel are shallow. Shallow in the deep trust reciprocated back to me. That shallow trust presents itself in many ways. Dedication and commitment presented back to me falls short. It may not be shallow but that is what I call it.

when young really young ... I might say I was a bit shallow ...
but I grew out of it as a women now ... I don't look at life that way anymore ... sometimes its not how you act ... people just may not like you an are not attracted to you ... sure you could call them shallow ... maybe they just know what they want and looking for in life...
is shallow and vein possible the same ...

Humm.... see I have never called those kind shallow to me those are takers... You have those that give to all and don't expect anything back except respect but nice to have it given back once in a while..

Then you have the Takers that take and take till the well runs dry and never helps others when needed or give to others they are a bit on the selfish side...

Are you gullible or do you tend to trust all, and hope they have good intentions?

We are all guilty of this I'm sure from time to time as well... We just learn to put up a wall through time...But we have to watch and not build that wall too high... there are good ones out there as well.. At times we need to change where we seek to meet others...

To love yourself, some degree of vanity is required.
Too much vanity creates narcissism.
Narcissism is demonstrated by shallowness.

Too often I hear the words "I Love You" without the demonstration of love.
That is usually the moment I look at her as shallow. Then I start to see other areas where shallowness exudes from their being.

Women that get to know me personally often proclaim their love for me because I treat them with respect and allow them to be them. I do for them and they 'Love Me' but they don't do for me. It seems that many women never met a man like me and they push out the words before they are significant.

I have yet to meet a woman that demonstrates love for me before she says it. To me, love is a commitment and a dedication to another. The actions make it so, not the words. Once love is established, the words have meaning.

I understand I think ... I love many men manly for who they are and what they do ... to make the world a better place ... I love my friend male and female ... but a difference is there they are not...
S/O in my life ... Have not found that kind of romantic love yet ...
with someone... I want to open up all my love for them ...

This is why M2 Community Forums is important! It shows us things in ourselves that we sometimes fail to see.


I know takers. I have opened my home to strangers that take and take. While some of the women I have met are takers, I usually see it quickly, before the romance intensifies.


Reciprocation is vital to a relationship in my opinion. Without the expectation of love returned, what is the point?


Yes. I tend to see people as honest first. Once the lies begin it goes downhill from there. I accept people as they present themselves. Too often their words and actions fail to match up. My gullibility over-looks those conflicts at first.


I realize this. I also realize that my walls of experience may be preventing me from finding her. The M2 forums help me adjust those walls.


Online dating sites are but one of many ways I look for her.

Thanx for the response!


See I think I might be bass-ackwards on this.
I go into a relationship prepared to open all my love for her.
I'm inspired to share my love. Completely.
What happens is that they hold back love like it is a prize or something?
Being made to jump thru hoops and beg for love makes me lose that inspiration. Perhaps I am too enthusiastic?

Love is free. It is easy to show and easy to see.
What is hard about it is when people block love.
I can't seem to understand why people would want to do that?

Look up the definition of Shallow .

Right beside the definition is a picture of ..no-one PhD..

Whhhhat!!!.. wait a minute!!.lol..
But I'm working on that one trying not to be such a Shallow Hal. . See the whole person for who they are and embrace that... key word being trying!!..wink.

when I use the term, I am not referring to general initial physical assessments but the absolute judgmentalism that is closed to anything BUT the initial physical assessments,,,

so for instance, if a guy is attracted to big boobs and meets a flat chested woman and is not even open to giving her a CHANCE because her boobs don't match his preference, that would be shallow

I've gone out with a couple of shallow guys and I say they were shallow simply because all they were interested in was sex. I think that I am an interesting person, I am an artist, I retired from Seaworld as an artist, I rode motorcycles for many years, have traveled all over, have lived an interesting life and I know a thing or two about a thing or two. However, these guys didn't seem to be interested in getting to know me.
Two guys were interested in my paintings but quickly tried to turn the conversation into a sexual one. This was in the Facebook chat box, text messaging, on the phone and in person. I am very outspoken and made it very clear from the beginning that I am not looking for a hookup. There were no second dates from two of the guys and I dumped the third guy because he is too immature for me.
Maybe I'm wrong for thinking that guys who just want sex are shallow but I think they are.

msredheadedlady.. you are not wrong..at least I agree with you. men do want sex. they are just being men.
It behooves one to understand dating.. it involves sex ..
Us girls are lucky.. we get to pick!

I am not sure I would date someone that I was not physically attracted to (cough, No1, cough)
just my observation..

To me, shallow is synonymous to superficial. My match would prioritize authenticity above vanity. When I get a sense a woman doesn't possess the depth of character that would complement me, I'm inclined to move on.

I think shallow may equate to selfishness as well..
My selfishness may seem too others, as being shallow..

Of course I realize that dating involves sex and I wouldn't date anyone who wasn't attracted to me that way. I mean, it's flattering but if I wanted to just hook up I would make it clear in my profile. Hell, most guys don't even read my profile. Most don't read it on OKCupid either.

Thanx for the response msharmony, hope you are doing well.

Yes, that affinity for physical attributes is common shallowness.
It also happens with men, especially older men that are aging out of prime.
Thinking that a blond is less intelligent because of her hair color.

That kind of shallowness prevails in other ways too.

redheadedlady54 and RustyKitty, very good additions - Thanx


As I'm sure you are well-aware courtship is mainly the act of trying to find someone to express love with and the greatest most personal expression of love is the act of sex with another.
The shallowness comes into the mix when the sexual intent is not for expressing love but for personal satisfaction.

Agreed.
The selfish urgency for sex is shallow because it involves no 'deeper' dedication or commitment to the other. You become an 'object' of desire not a 'person' that is desired.

Sex is not the only shallowness that falls in this reference. I've seen the same shallowness in other ways.

Men with possessions or money are often treated shallowly like this. I had a 68 Challenger in high school. My girlfriend loved that car more than me. When I rolled it one rainy night she was more broke up about the car than if I was okay.

Hi technovative, thanx for the response.

Superficial is spot on.
What makes it difficult is that some of those superficial tendencies don't show until the relationship begins to establish. You find out as you get to know them that the starting person you are interested in, was just an act.
This is where I am lacking. I was unable to read the real person until a personal, unscripted relationship was established.
I call it my "gullibility factor".
Often when I suspect her of being superficial, I dismiss it as an internal fear. Then after a time, I find I am usually right to begin with.
Thinking back 31 years ago, there were many such warnings I had concerning my X. I struggled with her superficial, shallowness for 25 years till I reached a breaking point.
The wisdom I gained from that experience makes me wary of it in everyone. I know it is not fair. I'm looking to hone that trepidation. I keep looking for, but not finding, a genuine woman. I'm sure they do exist.

Man who chooses his woman on looks alone!