Sometimes I feel like almost every global and personal conflict in the world revolves around the mindset of
"My experience is real so yours must be fake"

In my country there is an ongoing conflict between police and civiliens who each accuse the other of being wrong. Each group proceeds to illustrate personal experiences which to them prove how right their group is and how wrong the other group is, when the truth is that both groups are wrong or both are right, according to the specific circumstance cited.

One person's reality does not cease to be real , just because another person had a completely different experience.

Even on a relationship level, if a man discloses to his mate that her tardiness is an issue, that problem doesnt cease to be an issue the moment the guilty party retaliates by condemning the partner for not helping out at home.

Why is it so hard for us to acknowledge that everybody's experience is real and deserves a hearing?

Too many are too quick on blaming others for their faults but fail to see their own first.....

So when one throws the blame on a issue then the other one normal reaction is to throw back one of their issues they may just normally look over...

If it is a time issue then hey tell them you have to be there 15 minutes prior then the time you have to or even 30. That way they are always on time...

It all comes down to how some deal with each situation... and how they communicate the issue to their partner.. You start off by complaining and laying the blame are arguing with them over it you are going to be met with retaliation and sure some verbal words that should not have been said...

So if you want to talk to your partner or anyone over a issue that is bothering you then learn how to come across in a way that they don't feel you are jumping down their throats.... But instead give suggestions on how to help them with what ever is bothering you..

Communication is key without it no relationship or friendship will last... at least not as well as it should..

Sadly most folks cant differentiate their feelings from their thinking and thus need to demonize the other.

listening/reading for understanding isn't a skill that is promoted as often as the skill of 'winning'.

It is also a very delicate skill to inform when people are headstrong on a path or philosophy or perception that is a potential damage to themselves or others,,,without being confused for someone just wanting to 'win'

and , in today's climate, people far too often judge more based upon who the speaker is, than what they have shared,,,

I believe, rightly or wrongly that it begins with parents. Only if our parents set the right example will we change for the better. The problem is, is that it would take every parent the world over to set the example and that is no easy task.
Below is an extract from the mindless menace of violence speech by Bobby Kennedy.

We can perhaps remember - even if only for a time - that those who live with us are our brothers, that they share with us the same short moment of life, that they seek - as we do - nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can. Surely this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men and surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our hearts brothers and countrymen once again.

lovely words from Bobby Kennedy,

Yep, I think you can listen to the full speech on YouTube or one of thse type things

So you think the problem lies more in the way we communicate our concerns kristi?

Good point sybaritic guy. If we are caught up in a feeling when conveying a message, I can see how one van be distracted by the emotion of the speech and miss the content of the message

You know the old saying, opinions are like.....

I know what I know and have seen /been through. That is good enough for me

Very good points Ms H

Alot of the training in the world , whether at home or school is about winning , not about being empathetic about a broad spectrum of life experiences

As for communicating with people who are headstrong, I ve found that most people are headstrong and set in their ways.. even myself. But that "stubborness" takes different forms. Some would debate on an issue passionately, some debate and insult the owner of the opinion they scorn or some just shut down, walk away and continue to believe what they believe.

And your final point resonates with me as well, but I will alter it slightly to read :- "people far too often judge more based upon who they perceive the speaker to be, than what they have shared.

Very fitting quote Joe

If we had the skill /willingness to identify our commonalities rather than our differences, the way we approach conflict would be so much healthier

Well thats actually what this thread is about yellowrose ie being convicted in your personal experience but also validating other peope's convictions of their personal experiences as well :)

We all have personal experience. The problem is when they clash and people handle it different ways. Some don't get that we handle them differently because we are different people

Thats true, but I think we all could forge more unity and understanding if at least one person during the conflict tries to validate the experience of the other person. Its hard to do . I know ...especially if the person is belligerent lol

I agree but we know many in the world aren't this way. People will tell you that you are wrong for your opinion/experience, etc. Fact is fact and opinion is an opinion

I have said in the past, be careful where you point fingers, u always have three pointing back at you.... Blaming others, or judging them leads only to misunderstanding, or misleading. I have found truth in the fact that we all have faults and must acknowledge that in order to deal with them.... Loving yourself is all that matters. Cheers ☺

Hallucinations are real to those who have them.

You can claim that something is real, but I don't have to believe that it is real if you do not present evidence to back up your claim.

It is not wise to base a dispute on what "feels" real because feelings can be misleading, and feelings are not a substitute for evidence.

So true starhawk. We cant get anywhere without taking responsibility for our own fault instead of passing the buck all the time. :)