i like how you put that...by his Christian name...haha. i have so many different names for him!

SDM let me tell you something. My dad left my mom before I was born. I NEVER met him. Then this past year I actually found my dad's myspace page, and through it, the whole rest of my family. It turns out I not only have a grandma that loves me as if I was there all my life, and I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters, whereas before (with my mom and me only) I was an only child growing up. I do not regret anything or feel resentment to my dad because he was never there. I have no feeling for him whatsoever, however I do wish I had the rest of my family (particularly my grandparents) in my life.

Now, I have no regret, because it was my dad's choice not to have anything to do with me, however if I found out he did, but my mom kept me from him, I would be pretty damn pissed at her. So yeah, keep this in mind from someone that grew up with this exact experience in mind.

ok...let me clairify something! I contacted his parents and his sisters last year, asking if they wanted to see the baby. Since then, they seen him regularly (until I moved here to Vegas).

He works for Continental Airlines now and has been stationed out of San Diego. His sister, out of Houston. His father retired from the same company last year ... the whole family has flight priviledges and can come see him at any point in time. I guess it was just a matter of convienence when I lived in Houston. Whenever it was convienent.

He JUST found out I relocated when I told him. I tried contacting him for the past couple of years, even told him i would pay for the paternity testing. But something always came up, and he would never show. Just like this time...always an excuse.

I have NEVER denied him to see his son. I just quit persuing the issue. My ex-husband is the only "father" he knows and I will not introduce his "donor" as his father...only by name. If later on he wants to call him otherwise, then that is his decision.

My thing is that I believe his parents are forcing him, in one way or another, to contact me to see my son. I dont think for a second that it was his choice alone! Think about it. When he called me, he simply wanted a conversation with me...when I said (out of the blue) "he look just like you, you know" the butt head simply stated "look, I have never thought that baby was mine, and I still dont." What does that say about his character?

Too deep for me. Man I'm glad I keep that thing in my pants!

wow what a jerk ! i hate guys that pull that stuff, they have no problem sleeping with you anytime they want, but then for some reason if you get pregnant they're like *oh that can't be mine* oh how silly, apparently us girls just don't undestand the concept of reproduction !!! considering we are the only ones on this planet that can actually do it.

wow what a jerk ! i hate guys that pull that stuff, they have no problem sleeping with you anytime they want, but then for some reason if you get pregnant they're like *oh that can't be mine* oh how silly, apparently us girls just don't undestand the concept of reproduction !!! considering we are the only ones on this planet that can actually do it.

Maury told me "I am not the father!" because it stayed in my pants.

To the original poster you can do what I did and remarry your ex. It helped me to remember why we got divorced the first time. I wouldn't advise it though because it didn't work for me.

I wish I knew the answer to your question....

katie...

If it has been a year since you've seen him, then it is time to move on. If all this time has passed, as hurtful as it is, he has moved on with his life. I think you should try and do the same.

Would you just get over it! Its affecting your life. Move on!

to SDM-

It was late, and I was tired when I originally posted so I wanted to kinda reiterate what I wrote before to help you better understand someone's mind that went through basically a similar situation as your son faces and will grow up with.

My mom and dad were engaged to be married when my mom got pregnant with me. She would have been his second wife, as he already had a son with his first wife who he did keep in contact with to an extent, however only when it was convenient for him. Anyway, the basic story I was told when I was little and grew up believing was that my dad broke up with my mom after she got pregnant with me. My mom still kept in contact with my grandma and aunt for a bit after I was born, but then lost contact with them as well. That's the story I was told from the time I was old enough to remember. Just recently since I came in contact with my father's family was I told the entire story by my mom in detail.

My mother never went after him for child support or anything, because she didn't want to bother with it or put me through anything, knowing how he was with his other son. So anyway I grew up looking at my father as a sperm donor too. I had no feelings for the man. He didn't exist in my mind, only as a donor. I wouldn't acknowledge him as a dad or father. I still really don't, I only use the term loosely to speak of him to others. However around the time I was 15 the state went after him for child support because of my mom receiving AFDC etc. He put me through a paternity test. This really pissed me off, like a slap in the face. Not only is it like second guessing who my dad is when he knew I was his, but I'm deathly afraid of needles to where even to this day I, my mom goes for blood tests due to diabetes, and I can't stand in the room or even listen to them talk because I get light headed. Anyway back to my point, from the on I really did start to resent my dad. Like why would he do this?

Well, looking back now that I'm grown, I don't regret anything. If anything I'm stronger for it, yet more sensitive when it comes to women's feelings. The only thing I do regret is not having the rest of my family, especially grandparents and aunts/uncles in my life. Really the only advice I can give you is to make sure your son knows and understands the full truth when he is old enough. As well if your son does meet his father, as I'm sure he will, tell him the truth. Don't introduce him as a friend or uncle or anything. Your son needs to know the full truth regardless even if you think it will upset or hurt him, it's better in the long run. My mother told me what (in her mind) she felt a needed to know, and now I find out there is so many details left unsaid that it's really disapointing and upsetting that stuff was kept from me. Your son will find out the truth eventually regardless, so it's best to be upfront from the start.

I hate to go into another example, however this may even relate to you a little more. My cousin got pregnant at 18. She had a girl and the father left before she was born. He wasn't there for the birth or anything. However the grandparents still kept in touch and wanted to see her and be grandparents still. Naturally it could only be avoided for so long, till the father saw his daughter. He was introduced as an uncle, as my cousin met a man and married a couple years later. So my cousin's husband has always been known as dad to the girl. Well now that little girl is 9 years old, and she found out in a very disapointing way that this man who was introduced as an uncle, is her real father. Her half sister (the man's daughter from another woman) told her that he was her dad and they were sisters. I cannot even fathom the thoughts running through her mind or the potential trauma she could suffer from wondering why she was "lied" to all these years.

Anyway I just hope you take these experiences and use them in your decision of what to do. Good luck to you.

girl i know what you are going through and we have a kid together my best advice to you is take it an hour at a time everytime i dont think about him for a whole hour i am more determined to get through the next one

I thank you guys/gals so very much! Truly, I see things alot clearer now. The very last thing I would do is lie to my little guy about what really happened. He is the most precious thing in my life and the last thing Id want to do is dissappoint him in any way!

Illusion, you're awesome! Thank you, especially!

Nope he's the boys father not the daddy a daddy stays and takes responsibility.

Those guys are not men men take care of their responsibilities these guys are little boys. If I had gotten a lady pregnant I would be there for the lady and the child. There are manhy other men who believe as I do so ladies don't give up on men and on behalf of the good men I apologize for these boys who do that to you.