Oh no. It seems like I'm all alone on this one. Not a very nice feeling I admit.

Okay. Here goes...

I do compare exes sometimes .

Firstly, 98 percent of the men Ive ever spoken to, have downright asked me about the type of man I am attracted to. And as that list grows, I end up having to reflect on the similarities and differences of guys I liked, to ascertain what impressed me about them .

Secondly, I end up comparing because it seems that I learn something different with every man I meet . It doesn't even have to be someone I dated. It could be friends or guys I just had conversations with . But each guy has given me further insight into the traits I don't care for, or the ones I can't do without, areas I am wlling to compromise in, and the ones I can't, the kind of energy that makes me feel open and safe and the ones that make me feel stiffled or irritable, the kind of conversation rapport that appeals to me ,what stimulates me intellectually and emotionally, and even what Im physically drawn to. which has expanded considerably since entering the online dating world.

In a weird way, my comparisons have more been about self exploration than about the guys themselves.

Heck... Even comparing the posts from the guys at mingle have given me valuable insights into how men think and behave .

But with all the comparing I've done, I can honestly say that I've never yearned to be with an ex or any other man while I was in a relationship , either emotionally or sexually.

Oh...

And as for a man's ... um ...equipment , I think women will generally have their preferences whether they admit it or not, but I've actually never heard any of my friends say during their relationship that they yearned for their ex's ... um... spear
(God. My euphamisms are soooo lame )

I rate mine out of 10.

Well, since the OP admitted his concerns are mostly the 'spear' issue, you are in agreement with what most women have said. (I think, didn't read all replies).

But suppose the OP could feel a little more assured now, knowing that women don't compare, nor yearn for their ex's Mighty Oak.

Not just the OP , but all the men in mingle land!

Ya know... Guys should be thanking their lucky stars that women are so kind about things like that.

What if the tables were turned and women were commissioned with male equipment .?

Imagine women dropping their trousers and flashing their 3 inch pocket knives.

I bet the men would be laughing for DAYS

..ummm.. first off.. I don't concern myself.. over comparing myself to my lover's past lovers Mighty .. Oak... I might not have.. a entire tree in my pants.. but I have a pretty substantial .. tree limb.. think of the tree limb that's closer to the bottom of the tree... the thicker bigger ones...lol.. you know the ones you can climb on...lmao. wink.

Men are not the only ones being compared. There are similar comparisons that can be made of women's parts.

Cue the euphamisms:

Clam
Oyster
Camel Toe
Bucket of warm water
Empty hole
Velvet vice
Loose goose
Driving glove
Putt-putt cup

While most men don't make those associations about the women they have been with, I was in the Navy and spent most of my life working with truck mechanics and truck drivers. I have heard all those listed and more.

It has also been my personal experience that most men don't talk in detail about their sex lives. You either got some last night, are getting some soon or don't get any. Then the conversation switches to sports, activities or becomes a rehash of what is wrong with whatever.

Women, on the other hand, often get into fine detail about their encounters. I have listened quietly to women getting pretty crude while talking about the men in their lives. Personally, I don't really care because it is not important to me as long as the one I love thinks I am all that.

I believe it is all the natural order of things. Women are invaded while men are doing the invading. If I stick my spear into someone its not as important as which kind of spear is being stuck into you.

Edit to remove possible vulgarity

hard.

The only thing I have ever found myself comparing between past and present lovers, was how much compatibility was I finding.
Other then that, there's nothing to compare because each person is different.


Unfortunately I have been compared before in the past by a lover. I can say it didn't feel good, and I understand why things didn't work out for a lasting relationship.

I don't have a boyfriend

Quite frankly, I don't think any man or woman can handle the physical comparison to their current partner's ex when it refers to intimate body parts.

Please spare yourself the drama & never bring it up: current lover will leave you b/c you brought it up & then you can't get your ex back (whom you left for current lover who is now your current ex) LOL

Lose-Lose situation all around.

I agreed with you

Like this!

This is not a good way of getting on with your life!

Don't compare,, SHARE

communication is the sexiest part of intimacy,,, let each other KNOW what has turned you on,, (not who turned you on) in the past,,,,

let them know what they might expect and what you would like to have,,,it grows from there...

at least, as far as I remember,,,,

More than likely, right off the bat, your ex is nothing like your current lover. They are probably different in all kinds of ways including making love.

So to compare them, is like comparing an apple with an orange. I love apples. I love oranges. I love both of those fruits, but just in different ways.

After eating apples for 18 years, oranges tasted pretty damn good for 19 years. Maybe it's time to start eating Mangos....

There should be no comparisons but only enjoyment of who you are currently with.

My last lover said, when she first saw me naked, her ex was bigger.
We were both startled the first time of penetration, when she lurched forward and screamed "He wasn't bigger!"
After we laughed she commented on the embarrassment of comparing me to him!

wow great question...as for me I like to start fresh with no thoughts to the past. although if your used to a certain body type or size it can feel awkward the first few times. I've had some friends who wished their new partner had the body n drive of their ex but in long run thru were happy and content.
To me it's not what he looks like on the outside. it's how he treats me and makes me feel
you can always create new memories n learn new things

I have been guilty of this.
I do snap out of it.
They are totally the opposite. Ex was the wrong match and shouldn't have happened. Where the new one is more like me out going, enjoys life and likes to do things in his spare time.

it is not that I compare them

more like I kick into autopilot b*tch from hell..at times


I do realize that I have certain behaviors
and reactions that kick in...

a kind of conditioning that has happened
from the twenty years of being with him
anytime I even suspect someone of treating me
the way he did? I tend to attack
and walk away

I think it's only natural that comparisons will be made, even if it's on a subconscious level it will happen to some degree..

I suppose it's like comparison shopping ..one looks for the best deal that suits their wants and needs.It's hard to believe that one would go grocery shopping and find those things that best feed their appetite but when it comes down to a mate it's just fill in the blank with whoever...