..ok.. I'm making this topic because of something I read in another topic..
A very well-respected female member made a comment.. .. stating how she likes her man to be strong.. emotionally...

Ok... which got me thinking.. and you know this !because you can see the smoke Rising out of my ears .lmao..

.. how sensitive or open with his or her feelings do you like your partner to be?... can a guy be too emotionally touchy-feely... I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.. which can come across as being emotionally weak.. but I don't perceive myself as weak.. I just can't help myself from explaining how I feel to my partner... and yes !. I know that can be perceived as a sign of weakness.... sometimes I have to stop myself and say ..okay! stop talking.. she's going to think you have a vagina instead of a set of balls..lol.. okay I don't hunt or fish I'm not very mechanically inclined and I do like to shop!.((.omg. ))..I do have a vagina..lol..... but seriously!! if a guy or girl is a little too emotionally sensitive.. do you automatically perceive it as weakness.?.. or do you think it's nice that they can share there feelings.. and are willing to open themselves up to you on an emotional level...

Or is it better we just tell you to make us a sandwich bring us a beer and then slap your *** and watch you walk away... well. In the meanwhile dying inside ourselves just a little bit!. because we can't tell you.. that we feel a little emotionally shaky... because our boss is breathing down are neck at work.. and on the way home we saw baby raccoon Roadkill... and yes !while watching Fried Green Tomatoes we quietly secretly choked.. back our tears...lol

It's got to be balanced. I do like a man to be able to talk about his feelings and show them without feeling emasculated. But if he gets all drama-king and teary eyed (so to speak) all of the time, I do not like it. I don't need a big cry baby, but a mature man who can handle his feelings and emotions. I don't mind if he sometimes wobbles. As long as he isn't a cry baby.
I don't like to be drama queen either. There's a difference between that and showing your emotions and feelings. If a man can show his feelings and emotions, talk about them too, I am totally cool with that. I like that, I want openness as opposed to pretending Mr Macho and I-have-baws-of-steel. But like I said, it's gotta be balanced.
Like men don't like a drama queen who needs to lean on him all the time, I don't like a drama king/cry baby.

Not sure if that explains it clearly... No matter how fluent, English still is my 2nd language, lol.

Basically an empowered man has no problem showing his sensitive side, his emotions. And that's what I call a 'strong man'. A truly masculine man is still masculine when he shows his emotions.
A strong man to me is not a man who does the macho act.
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Yes..well done... ..
So what you're saying it's okay for girls to cry but not for boys..hmmmLol.. so if he is very romantic.. has somewhat of a poetic heart ..feels emotions deeply.. he should still choke back the tears. .lol... but our tears are a sign of emotion as well...
I'm not talking full out but perhaps ..lol

Oh FFS No1, please put on your reading glasses!! You're not getting the message.
That or you're smoking a serious spliff?
In any case, read it again this time with your glasses and put down that spliff!

..lol. how'd you know I didn't have my glasses on..lol.. okay I'm not talking about some fruit cake that runs around chasing butterflies..lol..
No offense to the fruitcakes out there..
Wink... I'm just saying !.we all can get a little emotionally shaky sometimes..
My problem is !when it happens to me I tend to.. beat the issue to death
"soda speak"..wink... I go on and on until I think I've gotten my point well across..lol.. or I have a hard time finding the words to convey my feelings.. like if I'm apologizing..
I-10 to go a little overboard.... I become too apologetic... a little too sensitive... but I can't stop myself until I feel.. like I have put it in such a way that it has conveyed my apology. With all its heartfelt sentiment..but by then... I've over killed the apology..
And start to come off a little too emotionally sensitive..omg.. my vagina's showing again..lol

I think that is called insecurity? Then end up feeling worse cos you know you're overdoing it yet you cannot/didn't stop it. Beating yourself over that for ... hours/days/weeks?
In any case, that's something you can work on. It's not a status quo...

Completely open

Depends on a lot of things. IMO it needs to be seen on an individual level.

I mean some people feel an emotion in a certain situation, which triggers feelings that are used to hide the emotion, which can trigger other feelings and emotions as defense and hiding and attack measures.

You may think they are being "open" with their emotions, when in objective reality you are only getting the defense mechanism feelings and/or emotions.
They may even honestly believe they are being "honest" with their emotions and feelings when really it's just a trained response that "feels" right.

e.g. "I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve"
A lot of people do that as a distraction.
They present certain emotions and feelings a certain way as a means to engender a known response all in a means to manipulate communication to something familiar and known, an attempt at control.

Some people "wear their heart on their sleeves," because they have weak personalities and just want to get it all out there and make other people responsible for them.

Or they do it as a means of hiding their real feelings, possibly ones they feel ashamed of, or to hide the fact certain feelings or emotions aren't triggered the "normal" way, so have to force themselves to exhibit certain indirect behaviors that trick themselves into believing they feel something in a certain situation that they really don't.


Sometimes it's just the whole "shallow" show.
Men "shallow" focusing on looks and what information "looks" provide.
Some women manipulate themselves to take advantage of that. Makeup, support garments, minimizing clothes, wearing black, high heels, push up bras, dying their hair.

Female "shallow" focusing on easily discerned emotional responses, and what information "emotional behavior" provides.
Some men manipulate their emotive responses, make themselves seem more emotive and feelingy, "wear their heart on their sleeves," act like a white knight, protector, big brother, confess emotions.

Ask women why they dress like they do "I've always dressed this way! I don't wear this for no man! I like the way I look! I do it for me! What I wear is not an invitation!"

Ask men about their emotional behavior "that's just the way I am! Maybe I'm not like all the a-holes! I'm just emotionally mature! I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes! Okay, so maybe I'm like a girl (hear that women? I'm like you, embrace me, accept me for being similar)."

So back to:

It doesn't matter.
It's my responsibility to determine if what I'm being presented is "real" or "BS," figuring out if they know it's "real" or "BS," and figuring out how to (or if I want to) interact/approach it in a way that doesn't immediately cause strife.

Some people are extremely open with their BS feelings they think are real, some are extremely closed with their real feelings that are honest and require more work to understand.



And all that doesn't even begin to address related issues like disparate associations.
Like laughing at tragedy. Where someone can hate laughter because it means something bad has happened, when they laugh they actually feel bad inside, while another person assumes it's a defense mechanism, or honestly believes the person is feeling "good" inside.
And sometimes they do laugh at "good" things.
They can "express" their feelings openly, but you have no idea what feelings they are actually expressing, because they can be far more complex than just laughing at tragedy.

Hey guys what's up

Hey guys what's up

If you " can't help [your]self from explaining how I feel to [your] partner," I think you have a serious problem right there.

People who "can't help themselves" are by definition, not COMMUNICATING, they are SPEWING.

I've not had to deal with a female who "couldn't help herself" in a long time, and that's in part, because at the first sign of such self-indulgent nonsense, I politely excuse myself.

Granted, I am bit extra sensitive about people who "can't control their emotions/desires" than some, because I had some absurdly bad experiences with such people in the past, but from what I've seen in others, aside from a few teenagers in heat, most grownups don't find "compulsive romantic blather" to be at all flattering.

Curiosity made me click. Comments made me reply.

For me, Part of my delusional thinking was that I needed to conform to others expectations. I held in my emotions and suffered silently alone.
Nobody wants to see anyone cry but they sure do love to see you laugh. I had learned to hide the negative and show only the positive.

What I have found is that emotions need to be embraced and released as they happen. More often than not, they are fleeting. If you bottle up your anger for instance, you keep it inside and it affects your outlook on things that are not related to the reason for the anger. I don't wear my feelings on my sleeve, I embrace them and let them flow.

On the subject of discussing feelings with someone special. If they are special I would think they would want to know what makes me sad, happy or whatever. I know that I want to know what makes her sad, happy or whatever. It is a way to understand them.

A comment was made about using emotions to manipulate a relationship. It does happen but we must realize that is dishonesty in the relationship. That usually indicates a deeper issue. A relationship issue of trust or even a possible personality issue.

I think you should be true to yourself and your partner. If that includes showing emotional states then so be it. If you have concerns about your relationship I believe it is better to get them out in the open and deal with them than to hide them because of a false sense of impressed delusion.

I tear up when watching some movies. I don't hide it but I also don't broadcast it to the entire theater. If my date sees and comments on my teary eyes, I will tell her why. Likewise, If I am hurt by something she says or does, I will express those emotions. Thru communication and honesty we can either work to rectify the issue or end the relationship.

I feel a man should know when to put up a good drama.. switching between too emotionally broken and a stoned heart irrespective of the situation. that way, his woman will be able to see him as a carrier and not a barrier that needs lots of child's talk...
encouragement is better received most times than advises

If spouses aren't open to each other, then trouble will come to their marriage.

I know that I respond better to positive feedback than negative. That could be because I am a child of alcoholic parents. I need encouragement.

See, to me, putting up any drama is an act and a good relationship is built on honesty not acting.

To do so as a tactic is dishonesty. To do so uncontrollably indicates a personality disorder. Why not just honestly let emotions be what they are?

I think it is very important to talk to each other about ones feelings for each other .. being honest and telling your partner, "hey, I really like you, enjoy your company,, you make me feel blah, blah"...and discuss where your relationship may be headed..find out where each other are coming from..
Where in there do you need to be a teary eyed blathering idiot?
If we're talking about a death and there's tears, well, that's just being human to shed some...
maybe you can give a more concrete example of a situation.. to be more clear..a glimmer into the male vaginal psyche..

depends on what you mean by an emotionally strong man
does that mean stoic? keeps everything to himself?
a wall, fortress? takes everything world dishes out at him
keeps on going? never let's ya see him sweat or cry or stumble?

if so, what a ridiculous image to have to try to live up to
children are wonderful at expressing their emotions
if they are happy they clap and jump up and down and grin
if they are sad they cry
angry? they might throw things or punch their brother in the arm

as adults? we learn the lessons we are taught
by family, society about what is acceptable and what is best kept hidden

we learn from relationships too
that first one we went into with arms wide open
offering all we were to another human being..

did we learn that our feelings were valued
and worthy of expression?

or did we learn a different lesson? did we have a partner
that used what we said against us? used it as fuel for an arguement?
as a means to manipulate us? did they use it as so called weakness
and bring it up at parties to jeer and insult us?



ahhhh...did we learn that in order to be strong we had to keep all those feelings behind a wall


oh not that we do not feel them we are after all human

and now because we do this to ourselves on a daily basis

we look at other people as 'weak' that have not learned the same lesson
but are still open and honest

a man and a woman who love each other should confide in on another to include feelings. Both should not be left wondering, that's not right.

I'm not a of a believe of that teary eyed stuff, for a guy.. just not my style.

My policy has always been "If you don't like the answer you shouldn't have asked the question." I have been open and honest with everyone I've ever met which could be why I don't even have many friend, none that will invite me to do anything anyway. I have always felt that it takes a stronger person to lay it out on the table then someone that prefers to hide in the shadows behind lies and falls truths.

It depends on the woman you're talking to, some people prefer partners that are more logical than emotional because they need the someone to ground them. The timing is also important, and they way you convey your emotions.