I keep running into this problem. When I start messaging with guys, they want to know about me but don't seem to want to share much of anything about themselves. It's a one sided conversation. I feel like I have to keep the conversation going. To be honest, I am over it. They can nudge me, wink at me, etc. all they want, but if they want to get to know me they are going to have to find the courage to share something of themselves because I am done prodding them for information. Do they think that just because they have started messaging with a woman that a relationship is going to somehow magically unfold without any effort on their part? It takes two people to create a relationship not just one. And I am tired of just talking about the weather or how my day has been. They don't seem to be able to move past small talk. Am I just impatient or am I just picking the wrong guys?

I come across the same thing... but I have come to the conclusion that most of those men that just ask about me and don't want to share are nothing but scammers anyway....
I mean I have had some of them say how they think we are meant to be....AND they haven't even asked me my name..... LOL... those men get blocked....lol
You just have to use your own judgement.. good luck to you...

Happens the same way on this side too. +

I think you're probably right. I think I will probably be hitting the delete conversation button a lot faster from now on rather than wasting my time. I have guys I message with that are just friends and sometimes it can take days to get another message from them, but I do get acquainted with them and they do share about themselves. It's just that none of them live close enough for us to actually date and that is why it is only a friendship.

Okay guys, weigh in. I welcome your opinions even though I know there will be a lot of witty sarcasm.

So I guess it just depends on the person you are communicating with.

Yes I would say so . Likely scamers for the most part .

Thank you for noticing....Frankly, we are lucky to get a word in edgewise.

Could be lots of reasons.

- they're messaging a ton of people at the same time.

- you may see it as using email, they may see it as using texting.

- they're at work.

- they're not interested and want you to go away but think being direct and honest would be more rude than getting you to be disinterested and going away on your own.

- you approached them and they're waiting for you to do more than just show up, to tell them what you want.

- they're worried about female skittishness online and don't want to say the wrong thing. they may be worried about what you might think of them, so want information on who you are which will tell them how you will judge who they are, or gives them a clue as to who they have to be to get a date with you.

- they're extremely nervous and only answering direct questions, you might be providing leading statements rather than questions.

- they're not that interested, but they're bored, they aren't attracted to you, but no one else is responding, they'd do you, but wouldn't chase you, so they want to try and communicate some interest, but not enough to give the wrong idea.

- they believe women like to talk about themselves. they believe women want to chat. he wants to date, but won't get a date until you/women get that false sense of security from the delusion of they "know him better" online. so get you to talk about yourself, placate you, give you what you want before asking for what he wants.

- men and women are on even footing online. if a man approaches a woman in person and she's receptive, he feels validated, handsome, desired, chases that feeling, feels happy, continues talking in a gregarious fashion. if a woman is approached in person and is receptive to the attention, she feels validated, attractive, desired, chases that feeling, feels happy, continues talking in a gregarious fashion.
Approaching in person provides a lot of physical feedback, valuable information, emotional triggers.

That is not readily or easily available online.

Online if someone keeps chasing with email, it triggers the validation, attractive, desire. If you can get the other person to chase you with email that isn't just rote back and forth polite responses throwing the ball in the others court to make them stop first, meaningful email, drawing out conversation, then that is validating, it means you're desired.
Poke, nudge, wink = "chase me! chase me! I don't know if you want me to or not! I don't know if you're receptive to my advances! I need that feedback! I need to know what's going on or if I'm wasting my time and making a fool out of myself!"


No.
I doubt they're thinking beyond the next few minutes and just trying to see how/if you'll respond.
Phishing for information and something to react to, their reaction telling them how you feel, what you're thinking, what's going on, and how they should be reacting.


It takes two people meeting offline and spending lots of time together to create a "relationship."
Online is just superficial chat.
Which, technically, is a relationship...but not a "relationship" as how it's commonly used on forums.
Not sure if you were being literal with the definition, or applying common use.


Then use your profile to tell them what you really want to talk about.

When anything can be interpreted negatively, and ghosting is a common phenomenon, people feel trepidation when trying to interact online.

You are ultimately a stranger to them. Ask yourself "if some stranger approached me, what could they say that would guarantee I wouldn't run away, disappear, be mean, judge them, and would bring the best out of me?"

Answer that, and then try to use that in your next conversation with someone if you want them to talk about more than the weather or whatever.

^^^ ok im fireing my psychologist !!

actually there were some damn fine answers in there

First, I have to get a message from a lady.
Second when I send a message, the next thing I know, their profile has been deactivated.
Hmmmm, that can mean
A. someone reported them as a scammer. Personally I like scammers and bots. They will agree to
anything. LOL Eventually, I can wear them down or gross them out. I always like the part, "Darling,
I will come to you if you will just send me the money to travel."
B. or perhaps my "sterling personality" became evident and they wanted nothing more to do with me.

I think they're showing little interest. Hmm why don't you throw them back lots of questions? If they answered them well and you're satisfied, continue the conversation.

Max, personally, I would let you talk all you want.

Thank you for your insight Tom. I will keep it in mind moving forward. And Babykris made a good point too. Maybe they aren't comfortable asking questions. It may just be trial and error on an individual basis. Maybe if I ask them a question and answer it it will make them feel more comfortable opening up.

I think there is a trick to asking the questions without being so direct that that a person feels like they are being cross examined.

And are the questions run of the mill?
Are they something that pertains to them individually?

I am not sure if you are the one sending the first message or ???

Is this an email exchange? Big difference

It's the messaging through mingle. The questions are just very simple questions such as "what are your favorite movies", "what are your favorite foods", just run of the mill questions you would ask someone in order to get to know them better. I also answer these questions without sending them a long novel. I hope it doesn't come across as a cross examination. Most of the time, these are guys who have messaged me first.

.. stands against the wall slowly sliding down it... well I think it all started when I was young my mother wouldn't allow me to play with the other children.... she said I had to learn how to keep my hands to myself..
And off of myself..
Ohhhh... wait a minute!! I thought we were going to share in this topic..
Lol....ohhh.. now you see why us men don't like to share our emotions..lmao

Hmmmm... I am not sure I know, that when I get emails I don't think of them as hits. I think of them as a person I might like to add to my friendship circle.

I can't remember asking someone those questions.

I usually ask something more specific about their interests.

And let the conversation go from there.

A huge turn off for me and it just happened..
I had an 1st email and there was no less than 15 questions.
I just referred him to reread my profile.

There is a simple answer to this. On most larger dating sites, especially one that I know about, If a man doesn't ask questions about the woman, he really isn't interested. That is how a lot of women look at it. A lot of these men are on more than one dating site. So, since it's that way on at least two sites that I know about, I guess some men think it's that way everywhere. On certain site's it seems that the women come off like it's all about them.

If a man doesn't engage them properly, the guy gets dropped like a hot potato. He has to be able to carry most of the conversation. He has to make it as much about them as possible. A lot of women eat it up when a guy makes them the center of attention. I'm not saying that all women are this way. But, a LOT are.

You got to learn to ask the right questions yourself. That's where most ppl go wrong and steer the conversation into permanent shallow waters themselves.
Many ppl don't know what to say or ask when they contact you, so they come up with something stupid like, "Hi, how are you doing today?" They got to say something, right.
They are almost always grateful when you come up with something that gives food for conversation and steer it away from that boring chit. They do NOT want to have a boring convo either, they just don't know how to get away from it, and if you can't steer it, neither can you.
You got to get creative. Playful.

So instead of answering "Fine, how are you?" say something like:
"Oh, I've had this amazing experience today! I went to Walmart/Barnes & Nobles/Starbucks/Whatever and I found this ..... that I've been wanting to get for yonks. I am so happy!"
That's happy, positive, cheerful. You do not want to tell him, "Oh, I've empty the bin and done the dishes. How about you?"
That is boring and will kill the mood and convo right away.
You could throw in a question of your own that relates to your story, for instance if you went to a book store, ask if he's into reading. If you watched a movie, ask if he's seen it too.

Ask questions that require an emotional and longer reply rather than a "yes/no" and a logical thing. So you do NOT ask "Do you have brothers/sisters?" --> Boring. Keep that for a date. In this first stage, do you really care if he's got siblings? I think not. Ask stuff that gives you an impression of the other person.

And watch some Matthew Hussey if you don't know how to go about it. Lots of free stuff on YouTube and the net. And investing in some of his paid-for work is really worth it!

So ponder on this, think of what you could ask a guy, write it down. That will give you something to work with, and it will also get your brain into a different gear when conversing with a man.
It's so easy to blame someone else while in actual fact you can so easily change this by coming up with different questions and replies yourself.

One more tip: Men usually ask questions. I've noticed they usually aren't even bothered when you don't even answer them but come up with something like the example above. Meaning they only ask question cos they don't know how else to get a conversation going. (there are exceptions to the rule, but those are usually a-holes)