When I see the NSA/FWB I see it as a person that does not want to get emotional attached to someone. Either they have had some really bad relationships or life has them so busy they don't have the time to put in a relationship.. Basically they just want sex on their terms and times and they don't want someone they have to invest their time or emotions with.

It is due to it is convenient for them and their lifestyle.

Possibly because they are happy with the way their lives are. And all they feel they are lacking is someone to spend time with occasionally. Let's face it not everyone views relationships or even define relationships the same way. So, I can deduct that you need to find someone with the same definitions on life love and structure or lack thereof to match with. Happiness only comes with what you perceive makes you happiest. For some people I am guessing that is not waking up next to someone the next morning.

I asked my brother this question not long ago

wanted a guy's perspective

he said he did not have the time or inclination

to bother with a relationship

too much work/upkeep

he still wanted a woman around


I said" ya mean like a hooker or a bar fly?"

he laughed and said the one is illegal and the other? no guarantees at end of the night"

He said he wanted someone to talk to, to tell about his day, someone who will listen to him and want to spend time with him..that he can call when he wants to even if that is not every day and someone who will set time aside to be with him


I said " like a Rent-a-wife?"

he said " ya but without the criticism"

I have found this to be true for most (not all) of the men my age. I have come to terms with the fact that it is unlikely will meet someone to be in a committed relationship with but I stay open to the idea just in case.

I don't think it's laziness per say. I think most people just never got over what happened to them in the past. They don't know how to work through pain and grief and cannot deal with it either.
And lets face it, that is also not really part of our society and education by parents. We usually get told even as a kid "Man up" or "Don't be a cry baby!" And later on in life, when you got your teenage heart broken... "Are you still crying over him/her??? Geeezzz..."
Same thing when someone loses a partner (death). When the widow/er is still mourning after a year, people react like "Are you still not over it???? Geezzz... That's weird!"

We are not properly 'trained' to deal with grief and loss. It's like it's taboo in society or something.

But still, some ppl simply seem to lack the inner strength, the spring and bounce in themselves, to recover.
Like many people don't even know what they want out of life. They just live it. Got to work, latch on to a partner if they can find one. And aren't happy. Not really.
That sounds pretty bleak, I know, but look at people, look at their photos online. Most just can not experience true happiness. They need an outside source to fill in the gap in themselves.
That's the kind of ppl who'd stay in a relationship long after it has run its course, only because they cannot handle life on their own. And there's loads of them out there.

And yes, I do think this is partially a gender thing. Women in general can recover from divorce and loss much better than men. They simply deal with it. Not all of them I suppose, but in general they're more likely to do so than men.
Don't forget us women are used to dealing with emotions and feelings. Men aren't. Not because they're numb, just the difference in how we're wired. Hormonal thing, archetypal differences etc. etc.

Only speaking for myself but this did make me think

The once bitten twice shy feeling

I think some of us kind of build a wall and I don't want anyone seeing over it in the early days.

The fear that if you open up and show that you're 'into them' it might backfire, the fear of rejection i suppose.

I also wonder, speaking again for myself if I've come to think, subconsiously, that any company is better than none.

Agree with this!, 4 years and counting

Why do we do anything?
Perceived rewards outweigh perceived costs/risks.

And one thing people excel at, and continuously do, is manipulate perceptions.
Either their own, those of others, or some combination.


There isn't really a standard definition of love every person would agree with.

There is no way to really know what is less than "love" if you don't really have a consistent idea of what love is.


Greater goals, greater good, greater ideals, than personal emotional titillation.


Committing to a relationship the primary purpose of which is using someone as a means to fulfill personal/selfish goals rather than accepting and appreciating someone as an individual.


More of a social issue than gender specific.
Mostly based on fear mongering, individualization, the need for control, and over reliance upon impersonal social communication.




I thought this was interesting:

Any person can fall in love with another as long as there is attraction there.
What makes relationships last is appreciating them as an individual and choosing to stick around after all the biologically determined stuff becomes normalized, because of who they are.

So many people idealize being the "odd duck" wanting to short cut the process, go past the normalization and say "see me?! I'm an odd duck! I'm an individual! See me for me and value me! Choose to stick around because of me and THEN work on that other stuff, that bonding and developing of love. I want a guarantee you will stick around first before we go through that process we have no control over!"

The "problem" is that idealizing individuality, idealizing being an "odd duck" turns it into a veneer, a facade, a persona adopted to protect oneself from the world.

That just makes it more difficult for people to see what actually and truly makes you an individual that you have absolutely no control over whatsoever and you don't even realize it about yourself because you take it for granted, simply because for you that's the way it's always been.

That's sad.
Growing up the local Amish girls used to hang out at Dairy Queen every Saturday night. They always dressed the same, they had to conform to their cultures rules.
But they'd wear makeup. They strove so hard to individualize themselves they'd put on tons of makeup. Looking like someone put a bunch of Maybelline into a shotgun and shot themselves in the face.

So to most other people they looked like little Amish clowns.
But to them they thought they were "odd duck's" differentiating themselves.

IMO that's what most people do anymore.
They avoid a helpful conformity believing it makes their individuality stick out when they can choose what it is, when it only adds a confusing layer to it, making it even more difficult to find out that which truly makes them an individual, the value of which is determined by the other person.

If you want a relationship to last, IMO/IME, be less of an odd duck in your normal life.
The odd duck only sticks out when all other ducks are the same.
When you're the same, what makes you odd will stick out more when someone experiences rather when they're acclimated to it.

I personally couldn't do this... I would feel half alive. I know people that actually has said...

Nothing is wrong between us but nothing is right either...

I am like then either make it right or cut bait...

I would much rather be single than "settle"...

I would never want the person I am with to "settle" either that would be just to painful..

A tiger can't be kept hungry for long...it needs to be fed constantly & feeding time has to happen under any circumstances even during a drought & one thing can lead to another

Love / Lust is just the first stage in a relationship.

It passes and what remains is a partnership.

Men eventually become wise to the fact that "Loves true kiss" and all that other love cr_p is just female emotions and advertising BS.

All relationships are a comprise.

So, if the good outweighs the bad then it's a go.

If not then it's a pass.

Peep this. You have been single for a while now. And then one day you come to the realization that you might be single for a very long time. Shortly afterward, you meet someone and things are great. You know that it isn't that "true love, butterflies in the stomach" feeling, but the feeling you have with this person is good. Suddenly, you begin to feel that perhaps this is the best you can do. And, this person has a good income, so you can see that the both of you can live a good life providing for each other. You care for this person, and you do love them (even though you know it isn't the true love feeling), so you figure "why not?". My point is that I feel most people rationalize being with someone as they put security and a love that is "good enough" above being single and holding out for something that may or may not ever materialize.

Added to all the other legitimate points everyone made, I think people sometimes utilise a process of trial and error in relationships.

75% of the people I know who got together with the person they perceived to be the love of their lives, are now divorced, broken up or MISERABLE.

And some of those same people that took a second shot at romance with the second and sometimes third, fourth and fifth love of their life are now all in the same boat.

When one strategy fails repeatedly, some people find it intelligent to test out a different approach in the hope that the results will be different and more importantly successful .

hmmm.. you just love asking question you know the answers to..
Lol.... personal compromises we all make them.... based on all kinds of factors.. your immediate needs...
. Environmental factors.. Financial factors.. insecurities.. so on and so forth... we are constantly making decisions every minute every second of every day.. some right some wrong..
We make compromises..
They don't have the laundry detergent you prefer at your local grocery store so you pick next best thing.... sure you can go to another grocery store and hope they have your preferable detergent there..
Are you can make the compromise..
Take home the Lesser detergent..
Get your laundry cleaned but it won't smell as good as it used to.. but sometimes close is close enough..lol

I don't want to settle for less, there has to be love and commitment, it's all or nothing. If you cannot give me that, no matter how much I love you, I will have to say bye bye.... FWB? What can you gain from it? Sexual gratification? You just call or see each other when the needs arise? You become an object of release, like a toilet bowl, sit on it, after the bombing you just flush it , turn your back and leave....yes success what a release, thank you and goodbye, see you next time , see you when you see me? I wouldn't wish for that kind of relationship.

Some people may prefer an open relationship because there is NO commitment, promises, hustle, pressure, distraction, disruption or interference in their life's routine/lifestyle/career, or no emotional investment. Others maybe weary of being in love and getting hurt again and again, have become bitter or jaded because of past experiences. There are some individuals who have high sex drives and just can't do without a man/woman in their lives to satisfy them sexually, or could be lonely that they want companionship only.

something I see No 1 more and more...because I chose to walk alone...I am curious as to how the other half lives

and how they rationalize that good is good enough

That is sad. It means no one else can ever be your No1 again because you didn't/can't get over the first.

I wonder, is it also okay for you if this is the case the other way round? If you were 'close is close enough' for the other and not really her No1 love in life?

I think it could be any of the things you mention here... Laziness and not wanted to put the work in to win the person over is sure at the top...
I have men that will chat for a minute then want to give me a number so we can have better contact because they say they don't have the time to get on the site...
Now don't get me wrong the first thing I think of is they are a scammer... But I tell them that if they can't get on why did they ever bother to join and if they don't have the time to get on here and find out more about me then I don't have the time for them...

Me I want the romance and someone that smiles when they just think of me....

I don't really think it is just a gender thing... but I would like to here from the men to see if they come across the same thing with the women on here..

Fooling in love. Best described as a mental ailment


Pace maker may be best option

Cognitive therapy is good for anxiety

Poor impulse control also benefits from therapy

Depends what the voices are saying as to how urgent therapy is required


Lets not look a gift horse in the mouth


oh oh ocd


My diagnosis is because they are human.

This assessment is based on my experience as a retired factory worker

yep I see this a lot


though who knows maybe my way of thinking ...taking the so-called 'high road'

is not the right thing either..

or at least not right for most people

holding out for what you feel is the real thing

can be risky....might not ever come