if you find out your bf is someone's husband and he's even cheating on you with another women. Would you just walk away or tell the wife everything?

do it, he's not man enough to...

Wasn't that a movie with Kate Upton and Cameron Diaz?


And if this is your situation, I am sorry to hear that. I would say put yourself in the shoes of the wife... Would you want to know? Would you want your husbands mistress informing you not only about your affair(not that you knew he was married) but a second affair?

I would say tell her.

never seen the movie before but thanks for your response.

You are welcome and best of luck!

Your post is a little confusing.
Well your profile says your female. No way of knowing, no pic. But from your post your saying your bf/girlfriend didn't tell you she was married. So in your mind your doing the right thing. So tell the husband/wife that his/her wife is having a gay/straight affair... yea that seems fair.

..Well.. as long as you're getting out of it what you need..
Why does it really matter...
If you're unhappy with the situation move on... maybe he's just trying to get the dog out of him... and when he's done he will either go back to his wife or move out and be ready for a relationship.... either way you're just the appetizer...lol....

I think I will do it but not now.I'm just waiting for time to pass by to make sure I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do, not out of hatred or revenge.

Good to hear. I've seen this happen before. It never ends pretty. And If children are involved...

Cheating husbands/wives, and even cheating on the cheaters...is never a good thing for everybody involved. But you gotta do what you gotta do, regardless....just saying...

True that brother!

I would walk away.
I have no desire to take responsibility for the wife.

There are really only a few outcomes to telling the wife.
1. The wife doesn't do anything, making me telling her pointless, except to make myself feel better at her expense.

2. The wife gets mad at me for popping her bubble, and possibly vindictive against me, especially since I would need proof, because simply lobbing accusations without them is a really POS thing to do.

3. The cheating person gets mad at me and starts harassing me and sues me and all sorts of drama. And maybe the wife does too.
Or the wife leaves the cheating person and the cheating person then focuses more on me, because I obviously care enough to try and hurt them, so there are still feelings there to salvage.

4. The wife turns into a victim and I'm the one who victimized her.

5. The wife knows and accepts it or doesn't care, making my actions pointless.

So nothing really positive comes of it unless I help make something positive come of it.

Therefore, in general, I would just walk away.
Telling or not telling, either way doesn't matter.
There is no nobility or doing the "right" thing either way.
The only thing that matters is what you're willing to do once you lob that grenade into someone else's relationship.

If you just want to throw it and run away and let them deal with it, then you're an a-hole IMO.
Unless you're willing to stick around and support the potential "victim" spouse then you're no better than the "cheater" IMO, wanting some kind of immediate gratification while avoiding long term consequences or commitment.

I mean if it was my sister, I would tell her. And I would open my home to her to stay with me, or I would support her if she wanted to try marriage counseling, or help her move out.

But some stranger who just happens to be legally married to the person I'm dating or banging or turns out to be a stranger with another life?
I'm not willing to go to the same lengths to help them.
And if I'm not willing to do that, take responsibility for my actions, then I won't take that action.

I'd say something personally, but not without proof, your word(A strangers) to his word(Her husband) is worth nothing.

Yes I know that makes me an a-hole for saying something. But i'd want to be told myself, So I take actions based on how i'd like others to act towards me.

I also feel not saying something can be just as bad as saying something, do you wait tell the wife catches something from a cheating a husband?..you may have prevented that...you know if you said something...

This is a crappy situation to be in, but yes I'd say something(and have in the past and lost friends, but if honesty drove them away, then they aren't my kind of people to begin with).

So yeah, i'd say something.



Coming from the other side, my ex-wife was cheating on me, some of my friends knew, and some of my family knew...though none of them said anything...my step-sister whom I was close to growing up, didn't say anything to me, and in fact was in communication with my wife instead....

Only one person told me, and let's just say any of the friends that knew and didn't tell me...well I don't talk to them anymore. As for my step-sister, we're no longer as close as we once were.

I'm glad the one told me, because if it wasn't for them, I probably would have never known.

thank you for your reply! I want to say something but I'm hesitant because my action may destroy a family and the kids. I never want them to suffer. But if I don't, other women out there like me will suffer. He has destroyed me, my life, and my belief. but I want to make sure it is the right thing to do. I don't want to do it just to hurt somebody.

How lucky are YOU to have learned his true character
early on..the choice is yours from here on in.

Zip the lip when it comes to character assassination..
there is enough of it in the world is my best advice.

The saying "don't kill the messenger' exists for a reason....

You say your 'action may destroy a family' it's not your action that is the issue, it's HIS actions that are destroying his family...

If he's cheating on his wife, and also cheating on you, it's on him, not you.

We always want to blame something other than who's at fault i.e "I'm going to kill that 'sl u t' that he cheated with...", it's not her fault, she didn't do anything wrong, the one in the wrong is the one doing the cheating.

Don't let a jerk destroy your life. Pond scum is more valuable than him...

I am sure things are painful for you but you can become stronger and grow from this. Don't be afraid to date (when you're ready) and when you do, be aware of any clues or red flags you had missed with this last jerk. Grow from this and have a better relationship with the next guy you are interested in. That is of course when you find someone worthy of you...

honest, after the relationship with him, I am scared and terrified of going out there... I don't know what waiting for me out there! I can't afford to get myself hurt again.

In the past I have dated men who had lied and said they were single. When I found out they were married, I just ended it. I believe that sometimes the wife already knows she's being cheated on! I never felt it was my place to tell her. I just wanted them out of my life. What she knew or didn't know about her own husband was not my business.

Chances are she knows..
Before you decide to tell the wife everything ask yourself what do you hope to get out of it.

I personally would kick his *** to the curb..As I was doing that I would also let him know that I just might let wifey know if he doesn't straighten up.

And honestly what proof do you have...

I am sorry you are hurting.. Take some time.

I know when I found out years ago that the guy I decided to become exclusive with was married I was shocked angry and hurt..

I took sometime off ate ice cream and then went to the gym and worked him right out of my system.