I was saying that doing all that stuff in one day was (in my opinion) a bit too much. Do the picnic, open her car door, as a man treat her like a lady.

I will say this goofball..
Women do not get treated like this anymore and most cannot handle it. It's easier for them to know where they stand when a guy takes them home and basically gets his rocks off with her.

The OP knew her before...didn't have sex with her because he wanted to get to know her first again.

In this age...people do not know how to communicate anymore and leave each other wondering WTF just happened?

In this age, people come online..ask complete strangers on a forum what happened and watch them dissect the chit out of the situation.

If I was the lady..I would have asked where do you want this to go? Simple.

I see nothing wrong in what you did for your friend. Everyone can't handle that kind of intimacy. Some women are used to dogs and when a man can make love to a woman's mind they may run to the hills. Your gestures would not scare me away, because I have a rather healthy and High emotional intelligence.

Now you may have did the right thing in declining. You are not getting any younger. Ask yourself, do you have the time to waste to help HER overcome her issues? A Friendship with her is great. She can have you as a standard for all of the future men she will meet.

If her future men are as half as kind as you, she should be okay. However , in her mind she will know what being treated like a lady feels like because you gave her that, if not anything else.

Job well done

I understand where you are coming from Candi, and I do believe there are women and men, who are not in a healthy emotional place to explore a romantic, loving stable relationship.

But then there is another reality to consider. A person should not be considered emotionally impaired if they prefer to take romance at a slower pace, or if they simply are not attracted to the person who is being romantic toward them.


As for what you said about communication, though it is the sensible thing to do, the dating culture of today does not cultivate a climate for being straight forward with partners, or for believing the things that dates tell us.

Dating for better or worse, has become a series of cryptic clues, games and power plays, where you may quicker discover what someone feels about you on social media before you hear it from the person directly.

How often do people question dates directly about their feelings, and get one answer from their lips, but a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT answer with the date's ensuing actions?

The greatest truth you can get about how a date feels or even what a date wants is in their ACTIONS. Words can be considered at best ,as a cheque,which has to be certified or proven void by the actions that follow.

Yes the OP was friends with the woman from many years but sometimes friends of the opposite sex are not forthright about their true feelings or desires. I have seen that repeatedly with a few of my male friends, who developed romantic feelings for me . Their words said one thing but their actions communicated something very different.

All you can do is take responsibility for your own straightforwardness at the end of the day, but you are never sure that such honesty is being reciprocated by a date, until ensuing actions clearly line up with the person's words.

Edited for disparaging other members.
Please stick to the topic.

soufie
Site Moderator

Wow!!
I think my post just had an operation

Thank you.

I am new to here, so may have misread something.

But how do you make out she was 'broken' just because things didn't go according to how you thought it would?

You had a first date. You went to a lot of trouble. She appreciated it, but felt overwhelmed as it was a lot for a first date. She panicked and stood you up the following weekend. She then explained it to you. You didn't forgive her for her reaction. You are not now going to have a relationship with her.

Nothing screams broken woman there.

Or am I missing something?

Of course, I am not going into every great detail here of what happened. Suffice it to say I was in fact taking it slow. We stayed up most of the night in bed, looking up at the ceiling and talking. Which was something she deeply appreciated. She wanted to be held...and more. I just think she had trouble accepting that a man could respect her. And not hump her leg the first time out.

Again, Im limited to what I can or will share about her history here.

Thanks for the feedback though.

This to me.. Chivalry isn't about going over the top and has nothing to do with whether a woman can handle it or not. Quite the opposite in fact to the true definition of said word.


OP... I don't think anyone is saying you screwed up, all I know, I was saying is that it was too much for an actual first date. I mean think about this for minute.

You were taking a friendship from online, virtual to a "Real First date" in real time.. That is huge for most of us. The excitement and all. Now honestly doesn't matter how much I enjoy your company on Skype and all I am not going to the middle of nowhere with you on a picnic, then back to your house. So not going to happen not on the first date thing.

Has nothing to with I can handle intimacy or not it is dealing with safety issues of putting the person I have grown to care for and trust to the real live person in the flesh..

She admitted that she was in the wrong for "standing you up" and for not calling and left the door open for something a bit more sedate in the beginning.


I stand by this was over the top. I get that you were excited and how so much to offer. For some of us less is more.

And I still don't see where she is "Broken" I see a cautious woman that most likely has a lot to offer the right person. Guess you were wanting more quicker than she was.

Its kinda like joining a forum for singles and not having a photo of yourself on your profile for others to see.

Oh, thanks for that very clear response.

It all makes sense now .

------------
I am new to here, so may have misread something.

Nope. You didn't miss a thing.

Yonigirl, you summarized it the way I see it too.

I agree with Sassy... you didn't miss a thing.

Thanks Sassy /Rosie,

Ya' know, I'd hate to get my very first one wrong

Etc, etc.

I really wish we could see her side of this story, since we’re only getting your emotionally biased viewpoint on all this.

Because she didn’t act the way you expected, you now consider her “broken”… and then go on to assert that “most” women are somehow equally flawed?

Frankly, your points about “no games” and “no drama” are now seeming pretty ironic-- considering all of the trouble you went to, and then your extreme conclusions when your efforts flopped.

I really wonder if she thinks the friendship is as “well established” as you claim it is, and whether she even had similar intentions for this meeting. You’re starting to sound a lot like those guys who assume that just because they spend money and try to impress a woman, they are then entitled to sexual favors and/or adoration.

Of course, you carefully pointed out that everything was intentionally non-sexual… but you also clearly had high expectations of some sort, that were not shared.

It seems to me that you may not really know her as well as you think you do. And then presuming that her “flaws” also apply to “most” women? Self-centered, and ridiculous.

Welcome to the forums, WhereforeAndWhyNot!

That's the only thing which bothers me in all of this - the topic's name "Broken Women".
This girl ain't broken at all. Got totally surprised, was confused, baffled, didn't know how to be or what to say .. but that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with her or all of the other women all over the world

But saying that the guy is egocentric and ridiculous is a bit harsh methinks. Let's not judge anybody here, alright?

Edit: It also would be nice for starters to fill out your profile so people on this site could get to know you better

Maybe you are better apart. Hmm
Move on and hope for the best.
I believe that some people are not really meant to stay in our lives because they just walk through it to teach us something valuable. In this case, you might learn that giving a bubble bath isnt a good idea after all.
just kidding.
In my opinion, she isnt broken at all. Maybe she just have issues and eventhough you know each other for quite a long time, there are still things which we cannot confide to other people.
Admit it or not, we really have those sort of issues.

The OP admitted that we don't know the full story so basically it really doesn't matter what we say here. We can only assume and we know what that makes us ...

man bet this thread isn't going at all the way he was hoping..