Any pearls of wisdom on handling loyalty issues?

loyalty ends when sacrifices are expected and demanded

See, and I think that loyalty begins when sacrifices are expected but I can understand the "demanded" part.

Loyalty without sacrifice isn't really tough.


Just my 02....not trying to start an argument.

Drew

It depends on what you consider absoulte loyalty vs. total control.

For instance, dating a man with teenagers and seeing his difficulty in juggling being a dad and a romantic partner. I have a child, so I understand that end of things.

Wouldee, please explain your point in more detail...

Loyalty should not compromise your morals or principles.

Kids come first until he marrys.... Then the wife becomes the focus of the relationship while the children are certainly loved and supported.

If the wife is not loyal to the husband and children then she's gotta go.

Demands and sacrafices depend...... on what it is and where it is.... They should never conflict with the values that you came into the relationship with and they should be known. If its a demand for sex no problem.

"Maybe he's just not that into you." is a fun book to read that will easily explain things.

I see it a bit differently.
A lack of loyalty tends to be a very self centered behavior.. Since the topic of sacrifice has already been brought up - It is usually denoted by requiring sacrifice from others, yet not willing to make the same or similar sacrifices in their own lives.

Hey WannaB - I just recommended that book on a different post!! It is a good read. My conflict is that I felt I got the short end of the stick in regards to attention and consideration many times in lieu of the kids' needs. He saw that as me being selfish. What I was asking for was to spend a little time with him once during the week. BTY, his kids are 17, 15.

It depends on your definition of loyalty.

If you're to the point of your relationship
where you're seeing someone exclusively,
then loyalty means they put you first
and foremost above everyone else.

However, that only applies if you
don't have kids.

The first and foremost priority
of a parent with kids is to his
(or her) kids.

That doesn't mean they can't try
to make time to date.

But the date should never be their
highest priority.

The children absolutely have to come first. If he wasn't loyal to his children then he would never be loyal to anyone else. Dating with children is tough because everything takes a back seat to the kids. I know because I have 3 kids. Talk to him-men aren't mind readers no matter how much we wish they were.

OK loyalty is heartfelt, genuine and freely given. it's a very good thing

sometimes people take undue advantage and demand unreasonable and unrealistic demands in the name of loyalty. But on a two way street, reciprocation is good manners.

I find loyalty to be conditional when abused and betrayed. One must discern the waste of energy spent on the selfish and insensitive .

If one gives a gift well received and in return receives specific requests for more gifts, one can't help but notice that request for a gift is not about gifts, but about convenience.

loyalty is not about conveniencs, but about reciprocation.

win win, baby

Thanks for the pearls, everyone!! :)

If you are not important to them as they are to you then pack it in is the way I look at but then that is just me.

He sounds like a good Dad.do you do things with him and the kids?Maybe you could join him at their school events and such.kids come first i.m afraid.His loyalty is for them.