Well everyone has very strong ideas about what makes a person cheat.

.... But what makes you stay faithful to your mate, through the times that you find them "unlikeable"... through the times when you arent feeling "magic" in the relationship etc

If you've never succeeded at being faithful before, maybe you can refer to the people you know who have

I would say,.. focus on your objectives; look at the big picture; and of course, your moral compass..

I would say my morals, values, respect for other person, trust in them, integrity, treating that person how I hope they would treat me, my belief in karma or what I do coming back to me rather good or bad

Someone who is on the same page.. without having their own agenda.. A true friend. If my partner was like that I would be also because that's the way I want to be as well. My ex was self centered and I found that it caused arguments etc.

Laurie

I couldn't agree with you more kitty, If you plan to be in it for the long haul, you cant just focus on a bad season you are going through. If you are spending the next few decades with someone, I would imagine that at least a couple of years may not be that spectaclar , but its just a drop in the bucket. Potenially many happy years await you after the hurdle.

Moral compass is a great one too. It means yo are concerned about the wholesomeness of your behaviour even when no one else is looking :)

I think if you are commited to principle even more than you are committed to your partner , it would help keep you on the right path because it means regardless of how your mate acts, your behaviour remains motivated by principle. Good for you brainsandall!

But if your faithfulness to her is based on her being a true friend, does that mean that you are inclined to cheat on her in the times she is not being a good friend?

No.. everyone has a bad day now and then, I mean overall. If you really have that feeling of connection with your partner. The little things or bad days can be forgotten about.

I hear you, Aussieguy :)

Well my hope is that even if she went through years of not being a good friend to you, that you would respectfully end it with her

I should have clarified in the OP that I am refering to sexual faithfulness

I understand what your saying.. I was meaning the overall relationship.. My ex actually told me once she withheld sexual pleasures from me but wouldn't give any reasons. This caused me to back off even more sometimes.

I admit I probably wasn't the perfect husband either, I'm a bit on the quiet side where she was more out going. We still remain friends after being divorced (no more tension) and our daughters appreciated that.

That's quite a question. I have always stayed faithful to who I'm with. I guess my (gotta be careful with my wording on here) personal belief is that if I feel the need to cheat then I am no longer that interested in him. That's just how I am. I am definitely a one man woman.

If you found the right person who loved you as much as you loved them, you would not want to hurt them. Cheating hurts the other person.

I was lucky to have had a wonderful marriage. Lots of financial ups and downs. But we worked as a team to get us back on track. As the saying goes.. there is no "I" in team. We both loved and adored each other. It never crossed my mind to want someone else... I hope it was the same for him. So, the answer what made us both stayed faithful to each other, the answer is love.

* Some of us might remember the Bobbitt case

* Lorena Bobbitt made headlines in 1993 after chopping off her husband

John Wayne Bobbitt’s penis which resulted in a trial where she was

found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt



* Have you noticed how a couple that have been together for a very long time look and often act the same in thoughts and deeds.
* Almost as if they are a mirror reflection of themselves.

* Are You or I reflecting, the best person that you can be.

good point Fer sher

Cheating is an easy way out
A relationship is hard work that is worth the effort

Because I believe that if I talk the talk then I better walk the walk.I want someone to be loyal to me so I conduct myself the same way. Relationships take work its all electric when you first meet but eventually you run into road blocks. Communication is very important and the willing to solve problems not just demonize the other person is essential.

Cheating by all means is a form of dishonesty and a total disregard of one's feelings. How you conduct yourself with your partner or the people around you is what you are as a person. If your actions are guided by your good morals and unbending principles, you will remain faithful to your partner no matter what the situation is. Though you are not answerable to anyone, how you behave is how you protect your dignity not to be marred by undesirable actions for you value not just your partner but yourself and that is self respect. Staying faithful to your mate is being faithful to yourself and to your moral standards.

That's pretty simple:
1. Lack of opportunities. There aren't a bevy of supermodels following those in relationships, constantly tempting them 24/7 looking for moments of weaknesses.
99.999% of the time people just live their normal day without ever being presented a real opportunity to not be faithful.

2. Fear of change. Going outside of the routine is scary.

3. Fear of ostracizing. Same reason why there aren't far more mass shootings. People generally don't want to be judged as the "cheater" or be responsible for causing harm to someone.
No one wants to be the bad guy.
Bad guys tend to get kicked out of the group.
No group = dead.

4. Emotional association and bonding.
When people actually pair bond their brains change and they adopt a lot of their partners identity as their own. If there's a thought of harm to the other person there's a threat of harm to themselves.
People tend to avoid masochism.

5. Commitment and consistency. No matter if someone lies or tells the truth, they will work to uphold that which they present as reality. To be consistent. Consistency = security.
It's why rationalizing exists. To make sure your worldview is consistent. You make a commitment you are saying that's reality.
People will kill themselves to uphold their idea of reality.
If you see yourself, if it's core to your identity, that you are a faithful person, you will do all you can to remain faithful.
Ask any mom as they commit to the idea of being "mom."
See how easy they get out of that role and can stop seeing themselves as their kids mom.

There's a reason why people avoid commitment, especially early in dating when people ask "what is this?" and "what are you looking for?" and "where do I stand?"
It's all asking for commitments.
And they know on some level what that ultimately means.
They can't help but live up to them, even while looking for loopholes and rationalizations to get around them.
Most aren't actually made consciously.

6. Bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.
The risk is greater than the unfaithful effort is worth when I already have something providing me what I want and need.

Lots of reasons.
More if you want to think about it.

Or are you looking for a Disney answer?
"Becwaz I wuv em and wuv em and respect em and respect myself and dayz my world and makes me so happy!"

If you are referring to more than just sex, people are unfaithful all the time. "No honey, I didn't have a hamburger at lunch, I swear I'm watching my salt intake. No honey, I swear I didn't take money out without telling you to buy new shoes. Yes honey, of course I cleaned the garage."
IMO if you want to be pedantic about it no one is truly 100% "faithful."

Maybe I'm outa sync here.. but I've been married 3x.. and it never occurred to me to 'cheat'.. And as a married man I'd have women throw themselves at me.. I sorta noticed that they did.. but I never even felt a response.. my 'radar' was turned off..

I operate on the idea that she either wants to be with me.. or doesn't.
Same for me.. So if find I don't. or start to feel she doesn't..
first talk about it.. If we can't work it out.. both are set free..