I've never believed in cheating & never will & i never really understood people who cheat. If you cheat you are simply a fkd up individual and a piece of shiit, no other excuses or who or why but thats wat u are. Once a cheater always a cheater.
For all the cheaters in the world there are truly faithful people too...i think.
i for one have never cheated & never will no matter what the circumstances, and probably someday i will meet someone that will be just like me & will be crazy about me the way i would be crazy about her....

I truly agree with you that it is ultimately your personal values and commitment to those values that help keep you faithful more than your feelings for your mate.

Anybody who has been in a long relationship knows that feelings toward their mate can flunctuate sharply over a long period of time . So if faithfulness is based on feeling,.there is increased potential for cheating as your code of conduct is likely to deteriorate every time your feeling towards your mate deteriorates.

I also relate to your stance on keeping your distance from people who possess a mindset that you can not respect or tolerate.

I personally tend to keep a comfortable distance from people who come across as excessively judgmental and intolerant on a wide range of issues

Hi Sitka

So your faithfulness is based on your commitment to the principle of commitment

Its so interesting that you made that point. I heard an interview with 2 different celebrities on why they stayed with their mate after all those years in a place like hollywood where marriages are so replaceable.

One said because they were committed to the principle of commitment. He said nothing about how great his wife was or how deep their love was.

One said that he was a high achiever and hated to fail at ANYTHING. Marriage to him was no different.

Ofcourse we can not know what is the quality of their relationship behind closed doors or even if there is fidelty in their marriages because people have more fluid concepts of marriage these days.

But the responses that those 2 celebrities gave, gave me a lot of food for thought ...

I think for me that goes without saying, If I am in the relationship I think they are pretty awesome not perfect but awesome for me. The commitment is a two way street. Has to be. As far as the one celeb saying they are an over achiever and they don't want to fail not a good enough reason for me.

When I am in a relationship I am committed... It is weird the farther I am in the relationship the less I even notice eye candy

Hi Peggy,
Infidelity is not an option or excuse in a committed relationship, moreso marriage or where marriage is the goal. I believe in doing to others what I would like done to me. I would never cheat on my partner/spouse. Not because of guilt, shame or any other consequences but because I am set aside for him only. In the event am tempted, we are human beings with weaknesses, immediately openly confessing to him is my way of accountability and seeking support. A marriage bed should never be defiled, I strongly hold.

Hi Romeo

I respect your position.

For the most part there are 2 distinct attitudes towards cheating

There are the people who justify cheating, often because they are cheaters themselves... and then there are the people who demonise the entire character of cheaters based on their infidelity alone.

And then there is me who never cheated, and has imposed boundaries on her life to minimize her vulnerabilty to cheating , and who condemns the act of cheating ... but who doesnt write off the entire character of a cheater.

Our convictions on different issues are often based on our personal experiences.

I have known both relatives and friends who have cheated. I knew them years before they cheated and years after they cheated.

What messed with my brain about the whole thing is that these people were great friends, parents, employees and generally kind people prior to their cheating, and shockingly, they maintained those parts of their character after the cheating incident.

In my mind, i couldnt dismiss them as pieces of chit like you have because I had been a witness to all their other virtues for years both before and after the cheating incident. I am not wired for forgetting the good that people have done if it was done in sincerity , even when they offend my sensibilities.

That being said, I have observed that the venom and demonising that people display towards cheaters is no different to the venom.and demonising that I display towards perpetrators of rape and unprovoked violence in general.

And I have reason to believe that people place ALL cheaters in that category , which I think I respect ,but will never agree with. Some cheaters are bad people on the whole in my opinion , but not all.

As for what keeps you faithful, it seems to be in your personality and mindset , which is highly commendable

Hiee nice post baby

I wonder Sitka if some people just naturally have a greater capacity for love , and are just more devoted naturally in personality. For me and some of the people in this thread, infidelity is not even a temptation most of the time.... and for others, it seems to be a weekly, monthly or yearly struggle.


As for the celebrity who used not wanting to fail at anything as a motivation for faithfulness, maybe someone like that is more likely to invest more highly in the relationship to make it work and that effort produces positive fruit.

Yet another person whose faithfulness is motivated my moral values. Thumbs up urmymissinglib

Thank you

thanks

quote] What Makes You Stay Faithful To Your Mate?
That's pretty simple:
1. Lack of opportunities. There aren't a bevy of supermodels following those in relationships, constantly tempting them 24/7 looking for moments of weaknesses.
99.999% of the time people just live their normal day without ever being presented a real opportunity to not be faithful.

2. Fear of change. Going outside of the routine is scary.

3. Fear of ostracizing. Same reason why there aren't far more mass shootings. People generally don't want to be judged as the "cheater" or be responsible for causing harm to someone.
No one wants to be the bad guy.
Bad guys tend to get kicked out of the group.
No group = dead.

4. Emotional association and bonding.
When people actually pair bond their brains change and they adopt a lot of their partners identity as their own. If there's a thought of harm to the other person there's a threat of harm to themselves.
People tend to avoid masochism.

5. Commitment and consistency. No matter if someone lies or tells the truth, they will work to uphold that which they present as reality. To be consistent. Consistency = security.
It's why rationalizing exists. To make sure your worldview is consistent. You make a commitment you are saying that's reality.
People will kill themselves to uphold their idea of reality.
If you see yourself, if it's core to your identity, that you are a faithful person, you will do all you can to remain faithful.
Ask any mom as they commit to the idea of being "mom."
See how easy they get out of that role and can stop seeing themselves as their kids mom.

There's a reason why people avoid commitment, especially early in dating when people ask "what is this?" and "what are you looking for?" and "where do I stand?"
It's all asking for commitments.
And they know on some level what that ultimately means.
They can't help but live up to them, even while looking for loopholes and rationalizations to get around them.
Most aren't actually made consciously.

6. Bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.
The risk is greater than the unfaithful effort is worth when I already have something providing me what I want and need.

Lots of reasons.
More if you want to think about it.

Or are you looking for a Disney answer?
"Becwaz I wuv em and wuv em and respect em and respect myself and dayz my world and makes me so happy!"

If you are referring to more than just sex, people are unfaithful all the time. "No honey, I didn't have a hamburger at lunch, I swear I'm watching my salt intake. No honey, I swear I didn't take money out without telling you to buy new shoes. Yes honey, of course I cleaned the garage."
IMO if you want to be pedantic about it no one is truly 100% "faithful."



Well you made some very impactful points here ciretom, which I agrre with

Certainly not everyone remains faithful in their relationship for reasons that are noble or virtuous , as one might easily assume.

And yet even with all those prudent reasons you mentioned here, so many still disregard all of that and still choose unfaithfuknes

And you are right. Sexual affairs are not the only examples of unfaithfulness, There are many more.

And your Disney answer , though sarcastic, actually does resonate with many people who do choose faithfulness so thanks for that

Thanks, Peggy.
My body is a well tendered exclusive garden for owner's use. The onus is on me to keep off intruders I attract, not the master.

Thank you Peggy

It's only right to be motivated by strong values and principles because temptations are everywhere and if everyone is too weak to resist it then the world will be in chaos, full of sins and unfaithful individuals. Love, commitment, faithfulness, respect and moral standards are very important motivating factors to make us stay faithful to our partners.

Good sex or what's the point lol ??

No disagreement from me :)

Well said !

Ofcourse good sex is important , sometimes relationships go through peaks and valleys where sex is concerned ,so if good sex is your only motivation for faithfulness, your potential for cheating on your mate is enormous in my opinion

If I cheat on them I am cheating on me

Do you care to elaborate Simplycomplicated?