why do people move either too fast or too slow when dating someone? i think they're confused on whar they want

Because communication sucks in the beginning.
They aren't moving too fast or too slow...they may be moving too fast or too slow based on your understanding of how fast or slow you think they should be moving, you're interpreting the speed of their behavior through your personal bias.

And that has its problems (sucky communication) because people use behavior as a means of communication.

Some people will "move too fast" in order to gauge your response to them to determine where you stand and how you really feel.

Some may go in for a kiss and cop a feel because it's what they want.
Some may go in for a kiss and cop a feel because it's what they think you want.
Some may go in for a kiss and a feel because it's what they think they're supposed to do in a particular situation.
Some may go in for a kiss and a feel because if you reciprocate then it means you like them, if you don't then it means you just want to be friends and they haven't gotten clear communication either way so need something concrete now.
Some may go in for a kiss and a feel because they've been told shortcuts to how things are "supposed" to go like the "3rd date rule," so if things don't happen along that timeline as measured by observed behavior then something must be "wrong" and therefore "bad" and they want it to be "good" and "right."

But it's all based on communication sucking.


No one is ever confused on what they want.
People know what they want.
They just don't have a guarantee the way they know how to go about getting it will actually work in getting it or won't lead to negative consequences.

People aren't stupid.

They just deny (even to their conscious selves) what they want if going after it honestly is going to lead to negative consequences.
Like being judged "shallow," or a "dog," or a "btch," or a "player," or a "whore," or "frigid," and therefore lead to them not getting what they want.

The confusion is never really about what they want, only the least risky means of getting it from you.

You will have to explain what you mean by "too fast" and "too slow".

I agree with the above. if everyone appears to move too fast or too slow, the only thing that's certain, is that so far, you haven't met your identical twin.

Yeah! I like slow women and fast horses, but really all that means.. is I'm a gambling man, and I will take my chances...wait a sec...the other way around is about the same....the game either is rigged or not designed for me to win....

The older ya get, the faster you should move, lol

hai mom...

In theory that may look good on paper, but in reality, slower means longer, which in turn means more....hmmm...excitement...unless you have a plane to catch....

Some of us are just clueless when it comes to speed, hell in the relationship area, most times I think I'm on the right road and latter find out I'm in the parking lot know as the friend zone with no clear marked exits.

Stop trying to judge someone elses behavior and focus your own. You can't control the behavior of anyone other than yourself.

If you have an issue with the relationship going to slow, try changing your own behavior instead of wishing they change theirs.

If you want him to kiss you, a he hasn't yet steal one. If you want him to cop a feel while making out grab his arm and move it....chances are he'll pick it up then.

If the relationship is going to fast slow it down (but if this is the issue...you allowed to go fast in the first place) that is if your talking 'physically' fast.

If you mean he's proposing or wanting to be exclusive before you're fully committed tell him.

In summary control your own actions, and only allow the relationship to progress at the speed you want. If he's not compatible or understanding of what you want....move on

if all your relationships feel like this then perhaps it isn't them it's you who's confused

Tsk, wemens,,,,, never satisfied.

may be they want better 1 thn wht they hve

Open communication to me is what works, most of the time.
Sometimes one sends the wrong body signal, inadvertently,
then things can go down hill quickly.
"Well she held my hand across the dinner table"...she must want me!!
Nooo, just a gesture to show I'm interested and listening.
Don't grab my arsh and call me baby! It did happen.
Geezaloo!

Speed dating.
The other speed.

"fast and slow" is a perception you dream up... why one guy goes to fast? you wanted him to go slower, and vice versa... most guys treat all women the same when dating, you only see it when they are with you...

Yup. It's a perception thing, and a one-sided one at that.

More than anything else, though, if you think someone is moving at the wrong speed, it doesn't logically translate to "they don't know what they want."

It translates to that they don't want what YOU want, from them. They move at the speed they like, and you don't like that speed. And if you don't want to accept responsibility for your own choices, you blame them.

Hold on, this is starting to get good.

Ok, I got the popcorn, I'm ready now.