Hi Crystal. Although we haven't yet had much communication on the forums. I'm familiar with ur posts. And enjoy reading them. Didn't always agree lol, but still enjoying them :).

I would just like to express my deepest condolences to you and your family for such a heartbreaking loss. I wish you all the straight and love you may need to get though the loss of your father. I too loss my father sometime ago, but I know and trust he's still with me. Just as your father is still there with you. Cuz I truly believe any loving parent never really leave their child. The love between a parent and child is a unexplainable bond beyond flesh. And that kind of love never ever dies. So just know that your father is not lost. He is exactly where he what's to be. And that is with you Crystal.

Sincerely, Kathy...

Crystal..



thoughts are with you

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this Crystal.

The flower tribute is a fantastic way to celebrate your dad's life and his his new journey ...

Much strength to you and your family .

Thank you all so much for your sweet and loving words!


Today has been a reasonable day, I deliberately steered my thoughts away from it all, as I had some things to do.
One of which was work on the PowerPoint presentation for during the service Saturday, another was dabbing my left eye with ice-wrapped-in-a-cloth cos it was horribly swollen. Glad no one came at the door, not sure if I'd dared open it, lol.

Thank goodness it improved during the day, so I look sort of presentable. Enough to walk through the supermarket without sunglasses on.
It will be a tough few days still though, I'm fully aware of that.

Friday will be hard, seeing my dad for the last time. Not sure if I can ... I will go to the funeral parlour, but I'll wait and see how I feel about actually seeing him. Some say I should, but ... not sure I can handle it ... And I got a 2 hours drive home on my own afterwards

My condolences and prayers for you and yours at this difficult time.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your Dad.
May God give you the strength and courage to carry on.

Thank you

Sending healing energy your way Crystal.

I hope you can take comfort in knowing that his light will always be there to shine on you when you need it. Planting daffodils is a beautiful tribute, and reminder.

Thank you, Techno. And yes, knowing that indeed does help. He's not that far yet though. Often when people pass away, they need a bit of time to find their bearings so to speak.

I will plant the daffodils for sure! Odd thing is that this year is the first time I really appreciated them. I always preferred tulips. And the small type of daffodils. But walking around through the neighbourhood, I found myself thinking they were really cute and wanting them in my own garden.
Then my dad told me, again, he loved them so much. And now ... kind of odd it worked out that way.
When I was looking for a nice picture of daffodils, it dawned on me they look like stars. Then they are referred to that way too in the poem Blondey posted :)
I will probably save and print that poem. It's similar to the poem we got in his im memoriam card. Not verbatim, but the meaning :)
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So sorry for your loss... Love and light

My thoughts are with you

Thank you all

My condolences Crystal...
It's a mind-numbing time, and the daffodils are a nice thought for now and the future. Memories are our greatest gift for the loss of loved ones, they pop-up at the most unexpected times to remind us and make us smile.

Thank you :)

Today is a hard day ... Tonight we got to say goodbye, see him for the last time. I'm very nervous about it...
Bummer is I gotta drive over there and back myself. Also nervous about that, as I'm already nervous and I've had panic attacks whilst driving before.
So gotta draw on all my soothing and meditating skills and inner strength to pull that one off

And maybe you could add some kick-azz music to that Crystal.

I can't tell you the number of times that a Deejay saved my life...

Peter Gabriel does it for me ... well, his songs that is, lol.

I saw my dad for the last time tonight. He looked very peaceful. It has helped me a lot. I felt this peace come over me when I saw him. I still bawled my eyes out every now and then, realizing it is the last time I'd ever see him physically. And it still is a bit unreal to really realize he's gone. But I know it's okay, he's at peace with it.
When it was time for us to leave, I closed the coffin with my brother in law. We put the flowers on top and his cap. He never left home without his cap.
It is still danged hard, but I think seeing him will help my process.

Tomorrow we have the service, so early rise and shine. I'm going to bed, gone midnight. Hope I can sleep!
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Tomorrow it's been two weeks since my dad passed away. Why is it always late at night, right before bed, that it hits you? Pfff ...
PRobably because I keep myself (too?) busy during the day, so I don't (have to) think about it.
But right before bed I don't want to think about it. I guess I better take some more time during the day ...

Difficult stuff. No one can really tell you how to process it, and you don't get to practice it very often (thank goodness!!!). So it's learning by doing.

Am I suppressing it or am I doing a good 'job' and going through the process well? I don't really know :/

Hey Crystal

Having lost a parent myself, I can only share my personal journey, but maybe something in it may resonate with you.

For me coping with the feeling of loss was about doing whatever I needed to do at the time to feel sane.

If tears came , at an inopportune time, I would excuse myself wherever I was, and weep bitterly in a bathroom stall .

If I felt numb, (which I did alot of the time) I would watch hours of commedies or movies, in the hope of feeling something or anything.

If multiple feelings like anger, pain and confusion descended on me like a flood and I couldn't process it all, I would go into a cleaning and organising frenzy around the house. It made me feel more calm somehow..

Oh yeah..

And I avoided people who were well-meaning , but full of platitudes like the freakin plague

It was just healthier for me to be around people who didn't try to pacify me, but who allowed me as quiet or as moody , or as bitchy or as numb as I felt at any given minute.

Outside of suicide ,drug abuse, or illegal behavior, there is no wrong way to do this .

Its an organic process and you just feel like you're free -falling the entire time, and hopefully the right people buffer you on your way back to "normalsy"

You're coping amazingly well from what I see.

Thank you, Peggy, and thank you for sharing your story!

I don't think I've felt anger. Numb, yes, it was quite a shock, he passed away completely out of the blue. Sorrow too. And tears of course.
Thing is, I've been listening to Abraham Hicks for months on end, and he keeps saying that we all fear 'croaking' (dying) so much, yet if we'd know how beautiful it is to become whole again (one with your entire being/soul), we'd all want to 'croak' today!
Now I wasn't listening to Abraham Hicks (channeled via Esther Hicks) to hear about 'croaking', but all kinds of subjects are addressed so you just come across it.
But I really do believe he's right. I've seen my dad, he looked so at peace! Seeing him that way, filled me with peace too, and gave me instant acceptance. It is okay. He's okay. He's at peace.
Seeing him that way has helped me a lot.
Because of that, I managed to do my speech at his service. My entire body was trembling, my hands were shaking, tears in my eyes. But my voice was steady, loud and clear. It filled me with great joy that I was able to do that for my dad.

What remains is, that in spite of my acceptance and knowing it's okay, I still have lost my dad in this life.
And all the memories that come up, especially the first week. Unreal. Hundreds, thousands of memories. Mostly childhood memories.
Waking up in the morning with songs from the service in my head. His fave songs.
So it's like going back and forth between accepting, as in really accepting, and sorrow.
Dang, gotta cry now.