My ex and I have been separated for 4 months now but unfortunately we still live in the same house. I want to start dating other people but I feel guilty even though I have no feeling for my ex

I don't think too many will want to jump into that situation. Wait until you have a clean break...JMO

I agree with Nancy.

If someone was okay with dating you, why not.
But to be honest, 4 months is not really a long time, in most cases not nearly enough.
In your situation you probably can't even begin the breaking up process because you are still living together. Maybe you don't sleep and eat together anymore, but you still share the same roof and are still in each other's energy. And maybe you do still eat and/or cook together, clean together, watch tv together etc.
There likely isn't enough real separation yet.
No way can you really get someone out of your system in such a situation.
So just wait. Even when ppl are physically apart, 4 months is usually way too soon.
Find your own space or make him find his own place asap. Sure you want to get on with your life, but both having your own place is needed for that. So make that first priority, not dating.

ummmm...how can you really consider yourselves separated if you live in same house?

Most of us are an emotional wrecks for a year after a longterm relationship ends and long for a warm body. I totally relate honey. But you may not wanna unleash this broken version of yourself on a new guy and risk another break up. Can you surround yourself with suppotive friends?fall asleep to funny dvds to get through the difficult night? And use this time to sort your living situatiin out and process your messy feelingsl hun? Those hot guys we are yearning for arent going anywhere. :)They will be there when the better version of yourself emerges some months from now. Good luck to you :)

hii

Whenever you want.
You don't need a license.
There aren't state or federal rules or regulations.
No one is going to send cease and desist letters to you.


Dating isn't marriage.
You can't really screw it up.

No matter who you date, no matter your situation, the majority of who you date it's just not going to work out.
You'll be too fat, too old, too young, too loud, too quiet, not funny enough, still living with your ex, have kids, not have kids, not have blue eyes, too short, too tall, too serious, not serious enough.
You just won't be "just right."

And if you're not, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, or you did anything bad.

Dating isn't a commitment.

If you feel guilty, that's your problem.
Get over it, or don't.
It doesn't really matter.
It's just an obstacle you're putting in front of yourself that no one else is responsible for.
It doesn't matter if you should or shouldn't feel guilty.
If you want to feel that way, that's your choice.


You only get one life.
The more you choose to put off doing something, the easier it's going to be to keep putting it off, the easier it's going to get in shifting responsibility onto other things for making you put things off.

Next thing you know you're dead or 90 and no one wants to date you.

There will never be a point in your life where the stars align and your life is perfect and ripe and stays that way until the one single solitary perfect date opportunity comes along.

You have a shelf life for dating, attraction, relationships.

If you want to date, there is no better time than the present.

There's separated, and there's SEPARATED, and there's separated.

The first obvious question is, does your MATE know that the two of you are separated?

Next, do you have a legal, court approved separation agreement, or is this just a situation where you and your mate are mad at each other, and one of you is sleeping on the couch?

From my own experience, although the law in some states does allow people to be legally separated while still in the same house, that it really doesn't work emotionally. You might be the most honest person in the world, working very hard to be fair and just and clear headed, but until you are going home to a new domicile for JUST YOU, you wont be able to truly be fully separated in your mind.

The trouble isn't with separated people getting back together, the problem is with the fact that most people continue for some time after a split, to live their lives as though they still have a mate. There are a thousand small habits that have to be adjusted or removed, before you are really a separate individual again.

I thought I would be ready to start looking again the day after I moved into my own house, across town from my ex, especially because my marriage had been completely moribund for over two years before we began to officially split up.

But I found out that the changes I had to go through really only STARTED when I stopped having to be concerned about seeing her every day.

Only you know, or at least have a good idea, just how amicable the break up is. However, as others have said, until you have made a clean break by living in separate places and if you are married, have a legal separation agreement in place, you would be better not dating anyone in my opinion.

well.. clearly Op.lol.. you and your ex have worked out the fact that you are no longer working on your relationship..yes?.. then you should continue on with your life's journey..
Now the fact that you and your ex partner are living under the same roof... is simply cymatics... I would imagine as long as you don't bring your dates home with you or rub the fact in your ex's face that you are now dating.. then knock yourself out..lol. go dip your toe in the dating pool.. go enjoy your life.. personally I don't understand what you have to feel guilty about.. you are separated!!.. the whole point of ending the relationship is so you can..A be by yourself and work on yourself..B.. go out and find some new relationship.. ok new and improved relationship..lol.. just be honest with yourself.. I would suggest just dating casually for starters.. then when you finally move out dive right in...yup

Date after you get divorced and have lived on your own for awhile. Take time to heal and also to re-learn who you are. Til then, you don't have much to offer another person.

Oh ohhh... Not good! The feelings might rekindle

Do the paper work, find a place of your own....then dive in head first, and do not feel guilty.....never mind if this process takes a year or longer...its your life now.....just saying!!

And the you would have two girl friends.

Sounds like you want to have sex so you won't be alone. Bad move.

If you have to ask, you're probably not ready.

Hi metalmomma80, welcome to M2

You and your ex are still living in the same house. That must be really difficult for both of you. Your profile name says you are a mom so children are involved. Maybe you just need to get out of the house and have your "me time."

When you're lonely, it is like holding a sign saying "Hey I'm desperate" .. unscrupulous men will try to take advantage of you. Just be aware.. have a good time but always keep your guards up. But if you can, wait a little bit longer until you are on your own two feet.

Meanwhile, join us here in the forums. We are a friendly bunch... and most of us don't bite.

Ditto.

And you will have plenty to regret about start a relationship even a casual one and it gets screwed up. How many failures do you want in your life?