Soooo. . Here's the scenario..
Lol...
I have a friend who met a girl.. this summer.. things were good between my friend and his girl.. they laughed together they share the same interests.. to see them you would think they make a nice couple..
So roughly 2 months ago.. my friends lease on his apartment was coming up.. he mentioned this to his girlfriend.. she said !rather than releasing his apartment he should just move in with her.. he came to me with his concerns over this... he said PhD. . I like her but I'm not sure if I want to spend 24 7 with her.. I like my freedom.. so to speak... I said! well you can live with her and see how it goes.. you're not marrying her..lol.. just shacking up..with her.he said yes. and after all two can live cheaper than one... and I can always move out if it doesn't work out.. I said that is correct and yes you can always move out might be tricky though .. lol
but I'm sure it will work out.. but you need to make sure this is right for you.. living together can be stressful....wink.... he said yes but my lease is coming up .. and we do spend a lot of time together .. this makes sense to me right now ... I said yeah.. and I can see how you don't want to get locked into a one year lease.
.sooo..now a month and a half later... he calls me and says.. what have I gotten myself into..omg... this woman is needy clingy she is smothering me... and she is hypersensitive.. it has gotten to the point I have to watch every little thing I say.. in fear it might set her off.. literally if I don't tell her I love her everyday reassure her.. that I care for her.. she thinks something is wrong.. he says to me! of course I tell her I love her everyday.. it's just that she has had bad relationships and she needs constant reassurance... it's exhausting... and she snores really loudly at night .. I haven't gotten a single night's sleep since I moved in . And she works constantly.. she comes home and works at night. I'm okay with that! but she also does paperwork during the weekends as well... She says ,it's just the deadline she's under at work right now.. but I get the feeling her life before me ,was nothing but sleep eat and work..I have realized that this was a mistake living here..moving in with her.. but now I feel stuck trapped here.. she keeps talking about the future.. buying a house together.. taking holidays together.. all I can think is !..your a crazy person!!. A workaholic.. now@! he pointed out a few other things which I won't mention..lol.. he says to me.. I need to get out of here!!.. he says he likes her she's really nice.. but there is just something not quite right.. with her.. he says he never noticed it when they were dating.. I told him that's because you didn't spend 24/7 with her.lol. when you live with somebody you get to see the good and the bad.. now you are seeing the bad and don't know how to get out. Without hurting her feelings or causing her more psychological damage.. you see! my friend .. is a nice guy !he always thinks of others.. and their feelings.. he is one of those types..lol.. but now he is feeling trapped.. and I'm feeling partly responsible..lol.. I don't really know what to tell him...yup... he even asked if he could stay with me..ummm.no..
Lol... his problem is !he has now paid the rent there ,paid the utilities ,and groceries .. but now that he realizes he no longer wants to be there.. staying there feels wrong... I suggested he stays till the end of the lease agreement and figures out what his next move would be..ohh yes!! he signed a six month lease.. with her..lol.. I suggested.. maybe he should try talking to her... but I'm not really sure how that would work out..lol..ie.. Oh sweetheart I really do like you I just think you're a little crazy needy and clingy.. and you're a bit psychotic... do you mind if I stay to the end of the lease we'll I try to work things out with you... get you not !!..to be so unstable.... he said yeah !.I can see that going over big..lol.. so what should he do...

pack his things up and move out while she's not home one day.. just leave a note on the table..

.. try telling her how he feels.. I thought you were the one for me . but now I can see you are not..lol.. and at that point! she kicks him out. .lol

.. just keep his head down until the lease is up.. maybe things will get better..... if not ..tell her how he feels..and then move out...

Remembering that he is on the hook for at least another four months of the lease... he doesn't want to back out of the arrangement.. but he can't afford to pay her and rent somewhere else.... she! can afford it on her own she was before he came along... him leaving would not be a financial hardship..on.her... he doesn't know how to leave without feeling like a douchebag.... I don't know what advice to give him.... except for being...
Honest with her... which probably won't end up being pretty....

Simply put !he feels staying there would be a lie.. like he was leading her..on... but leaving would be financial suicide..

Your stories always make me wonder what the truth behind it all is... if only I could be a fly on the wall, lol.
I'm now wondering: have you let a woman move in with you? I doubt you have moved in with someone cos of your kids, but maybe you don't even have kids or not living with you ...

Anyhow, if he talks to her, he'll get more clarity. It's either wait till he can afford to move out, so when the lease expires, or she'll be okay with him leaving sooner and he can move out, provided he's got another place to stay.

What to say? Come on ... you're an adult, a very eloquent one at that. I'm quite sure you know how and what to say.
Basically be honest but gentle. And give her some time to throw a wobbler and get used to the idea, as for her it'll likely be out of the blue whereas he's been mulling over it for some time.
But at least do the right thing, be honest, talk to her. If she can't handle it, it's not really his problem. You can't force someone to understand and behave like an adult. But at least he's done the right thing, whether she gets it or not.
We all learn by trial and error, although some never learn.

As for you, No1, please refrain from playing Cupid in the future! Advising someone to move in after just 2 months ...
I actually think you owe it to the poor bugger to let him stay with you. Stick him in the garage or something, with your goat. LOL

At least we know now where you've been all this time ... moving in with some woman ... How does Milo feel about splitting up?

Honesty is the only tool that does not bite you in the butt later.

"I find I am just not ready to live with someone sweetpea."

"So I will be checking out when the lease is fulfilled."
(If she advises him immediately to pack and go, he is not on
the hook for the remainder of the lease.)

"I do not want us to be angry with each other, as who knows
what the future holds?"

"Now what's for dinner?"

Humm if he signed a lease depends on what the lease says if he is responsible or not.. At times if two people move in a apartment they sign a lease but if one moves out and the other agrees they are staying then one of them can get their name released.

Honestly if it is that bad after only two months of living with her, it is not going to get any better... And he needs to tell her the truth. They can make other sleeping arrangements until the lease is up if she does not agree to let him out of the lease.. If she refuses to and tells him to get out.. Then he can get out of the lease... But get it in writing she is making him leave.. just to cover his tail..

Or he can break the lease but be responsible for half of it to her if she pays his half and sues him. If she was already living there she is going to continue to pay and stay.

But if the lease was made up by her and her name is the only one on the main lease then he is not responsible for the lease. Due to normally when you sign a lease there is a clause you can not sublease..

Ok..First off this is not about me..lol.. I am quite happy living the life of a bachelor with children....lol..

And again he has known her for a while.. not 2 months..lol...
..
And yes it is killing him that he can't really be honest with her... again she is hypersensitive.. he's brought up the subject of leaving in a roundabout way..ie.. so if I wasn't here what would you do..her response..ohhh.. I would just throw myself back into my work again... never trust our date anyone else.. ever again..
Why !!are you leaving me are you going somewhere did I do something wrong.. I knew you didn't love me..

My friend..ummm... okay baby !!just relax !I was just trying out hypothesis..
You know a what if scenario... I would never leave you I love you baby... ..

.. his big fear is she would do something crazy... totally go berserk on him... are go into a.. deep Sally pity party depression.... remember he likes her.. he realizes she has some deep emotional problems... at least he does now!!Lol.. he doesn't want to be just another jackass...that Hurts her.. or used her.. apparently she has had lots of those... but he is a little conflicted about his own situation.. naturally..

.. I like this ^^!!especially the what's for dinner part..lol

Sometimes we just have to cut our losses!
Sad that it started out as a financial issue and end that way! Someone needs to grow up!

Well... he can either man up and get it over with or spend another couple of years -or the rest of his life- with a woman that can't stand on her own feet and that he doesn't love.
There aren't any more flavours ...
Oh, this 'what if' scenario stuff sure as heck won't help the situation. It'll only make an already insecure woman more insecure. We have these antennae you know ... So he best quit those so called hypothetical scenarios.

I think the only thing he can do if he's concerned about her health / well-being is to get someone in to support her once he's told her. A very good friend, a sister, mother or something.
Personally I think that's basically all you can do, however difficult it may be.

I got a friend who's in a similar relationship with a bloke, a narcissist, who can't be alone either. She's been with him for 3 yrs, on and off. She's been wanting to end the relationship for over 2 yrs, but he threatens to kill himself. If she's not with him, he doesn't even eat :/
So she stays with him, puts her 12 yr old son through this too, and the kid is very unhappy with the situation, as he senses his mom doesn't want to be with this guy.
If your friend wants to end up like this ...
It takes guts, but it's either that or letting someone ruin your own life.

Friend needs to do some soul searching...
Is he in or out??
If he's in;- he has decided to stay and deal with her issues,so that involves talking and drama..
If he's out;- he has decided to cut his losses and her out of his life..
There is no easy way to break off with someone, soften the blow...
He cannot control her reaction to his action.
If he's breaking up with me, I wouldn't want him staying, lease or no lease - get out!
It's true, you never know someone until you live with them....

Absolutely true! I remember I was ecstatic when my ex first left his toothbrush at my place. He hadn't moved in yet, it was just convenient as he spent a lot of time at my place. It felt so ... intimate, lol. I had a man in my life again! So incredibly happy.
Now I'm not sure if I'd feel that way if a guy left his toothbrush. I might panic "OMFG he thinks he can move in!!"


Nah, probably will all feel different when you're in love again. But still ... not too soon and not out of necessity (been there too).

Yes all good advice .... the s*** or get off the pot scenario seems to be appropriate..lol... I believe his initial concerns were.. he knew this woman.. thought things were going well until he moved in.. now he has come to realize.. perhaps they are not the perfect match he thought.... now she keeps planning and talking about a future.. and all he can think about is..... how the hell do I get out of here without causing.. permanent damage... lol. again he likes her and does not wish to hurt her... and sometimes being brutally honest hurts the most..
.. but it seems to be the best advice I can give him.... better than telling him to clean out her house and sell it all on ebay I suppose....lol.. totally kidding about the last part..lol

She sounds like a total fruitcake; trying to guilt someone into a relationship. If I were in that position I would just move out and deal with any financial repercussions when able.

If it was a sublease, then I wouldn't be obligated to pay anything; not usually allowed; like Texasgal said.

You were just trying to help your friend with advice but ultimately that was his decision. He a big boy, he'll get himself out of it. I would offer to help him move and bring the pizza and beer.

Good luck to your friend!

And hellooooo to you and milooooo!!!!!

Stay cool!

Offer the man your sofa ... at least the sofa in the garage, since you advised him into this chit

First I would say not your fault dude, it was his decision and he should have seen it coming for heaven sake they have been dating for more than 2 yrs and now only he came to know about snoring and her work culture
Now the solution depends on whether he loves her or not. Every person has flaw (no one is perfect) and when u are in a relationship you are expected to work with them to resolve or adapt to the flaws.

So if he loves her then I would suggest him to find solutions for the flaws
1. Snoring - search in web there are many solutions to resolve snoring.
2. Long working hours - why does she do that no one likes to work whole day and talk about a lovely future. That mean she has less trust on you buddy so ask him to be a man and step up to show that he can financially support her and she can take it easy. You need to earn someones trust.
3. Clingy, needy and hypersensitive - Well I would say he has hit the jackpot because such ladies are very romantic and loyal. But anyway adapt to her needs and again gain her trust. I once found a lady like her and loved every moment with her.
4. Other flaws - so find a solution or adapt. Dont run away but work it out.

Now if he doesnt love her then as all have suggested be a man and talk to her. Take a hit for the team (wear a cup for safety lol), life is worth living so spend it wisely.

The guy sounds kind of like an a-hole.

I mean he doesn't seem to respect her.

- he's not really honest with her.
- he thinks it's his job to protect her rather than treat her like a peer or even an adult.
- or he's just worried about himself but rationalizes it's for her protection so he can pretend to be the "good" guy.


If he actually could have done that, he would have.
Instead, he can now hold you accountable for giving him that advice.
Now if he does talk to her and she gets mad and judges him he can come to you and say "I took your advice...ugh...it didn't turn out well," and it will seem innocuous, but really it's just transferring responsibility back to you.
He took your advice, it failed, he can be the victim, not his fault.

And that's all on an emotional level.
You'll hear all sorts of lip service of self flagellation, but emotionally it's skipping around responsibility.


Many times this is just the reaction to someone pulling away and sending out a lot of indirect communication that they don't really want to be there.

When someone starts withdrawing, even without realizing it, other people usually start trying to fill in the gap to draw the person back.
And the person withdrawing can then make themselves feel like a victim, use that to justify their decision they didn't want to face, and blame the other person "Oh no, not me, not my fault, they just got clingy and smothering all of a sudden! I gotta get outta here! I'm not withdrawing, they're pushing me away, yeah, that's it."

Emotionally, they've already gotten out of there, the other person is just trying to figure out what's going on, and to get them to behave like they used to, what was normal.


Everything bites you in the butt later.
People use another persons words against them all the time.
"Remember that time a few weeks ago you were honest and told me my butt looked fat in those jeans?! Well that hurt so I put your toothbrush in the toilet! Ha ha!"

Honesty, lies, doesn't really matter, people aren't behaving rationally as much as they are emotionally anymore.

Honesty is only the best policy to people that respect honesty unemotionally and unselfishly and those too lazy to keep their lies straight.

I suggest he look over his lease and see if getting a subleaser for his half of rent is a possibility
if not, I suggest he make living arrangements for a new place to live
and move out and cover his 4 months left on that lease

I seriously doubt if he will continue to date this woman after moving out
but he can wish her well and be on his way

I will take the woman's perspective on this.

For most women, living together is one step closer to getting married and live happily ever after.

The problem lies on the fact that the man (your friend) in this scenario is a total jerk... oh sorry, was I judging? He just wanted a woman to share his financial burden, clean the apartment, cook dinner, and maybe do his laundry as well. And of course, fulfill his sexual fantasy every night, even if she had a toothache. (guys, stop high-fiving)

Two different expectations. So, Houston, we have a problem.

The man (your friend) wanted out after just two months because...
- Wha? I can't go out drinking with my buddies whenever I want?
- Wha? I have to put down the toilet seat after I used it... every goddamn time?
- Wha? Just because you're upset, no sex?
- Wha? No sex?
- wtf!!!

The woman, on the other hand, was smarter. She made sure that the man's (your friend's) name was on the lease for six months. Smart move, girl!

So, let's say, the man (your friend) told the woman the truth. That he was not really that into her and he wanted to just pack his bags and leave her and not pay his share of the rent anymore. After all, if she was able to pay the rent on her own before, she could afford to pay the full rent on her own.

Omg! Hey dude, it's not about the rent! It's about breaking her heart!!!



My advice: Go on witness protection.

While this female sounds like no walk in the park but this douche bag has been jerking her around for two years, now he moves in on her, and she is busting her chops trying to cover upcoming expenses and he is wussing out because she snores? Chances are she will be peeved but I bet she will also be relived to have this overgrown brat out of her life. I just hope she gets wind of his gutlessness and REALLY messes with his head. She should nail him tot he wall for the rest of the lease and if he stays make it the longest most miserable four months of his life.