Am I the only person who thinks marriage is the worst thing that can happen to you?
I am terrified of losing my name, my independence, and my control of myself. If you think of it, the day you say I do it goes from I to us, I like to we like ,And with the generation I'm apart of we would rather drop a marriage than fight to make it work. I am aware that I come from a divorced home so I already have trouble believing in a love that lasts, but I don't write all of this to rant,I write it because I got to thinking and how great would it be to meet someone who made me get over my fear of love because the fear of being without them is worse. Someone who makes me happy to loose my independence or rather be most my self when I'm with them.

- an ariel original

You are asking an excellent question especially since you are so very young and have much to learn.Prior family issues have imprinted and you are a result of that trauma so its natural to be suspicious as you have first hand experience being a victim of divorce. The best counsel at your age is focus on education, getting in better shape physically, mentally and if necessary speak to a counselor about your concerns as a mentor now would likely be a tremendous help and keep you on track towards a life of independence that in 7 or 8 years might be a time to visit getting married and that before having children be with your partner for at least two to three years to learn how to be a partnership so the two of you can actually build a life based on great communication, shared goals, effective problem solving, and know how to provide for each other so that when you both are ready then choose to have a child but not till you are both ready and that means effective birth control or your whole life will be inexorably altered for the next twenty years and not a good prognosis. Hope you take this seriously as so much of your future in based on your choosing what is best for yourself and not to be trying to please a man at this time in your early adult social development...

Better dead, than wed.

I think marriage is wonderful, when the vows are taken seriously by both parties

its divorce that sucks, especially stemming from one or both beginning to ignore the vows they once took,,,

I dont have a fear of commitment or marriage, I do have a fear of being taken for granted/settling or being emotionally bamboozled,,,

I understand how you feel
When deciding on marrying someone my advice be 100% certain.
I have family members that have been together for 50 + years.
Don't go into anything lightly.

From observing people & learning
from them, there a lot of people
like u who finds marriage the worst
thing that can happen to them.
Mostly I know though are males.

If I may dare say,
u are still 19 years old Ariel,
marriage might not be for everybody,
but there is also the possibility,
that it could also be the best
thing that can happen to u.

My parents married at a young age
and until now, even though
all of us, their 3 children
have already left home & have
our own respective lives,
they are still together.
They have pets, they have
each other.They wither the odds.

If I may dare say,
take your time.
Learn from life,learn from
other people.
It might change your perspective
of things.



U are 19 years old.
Not a time to be terrified.
Time to take on the world.
If there is a time to make
mistakes, it is when u are young
hahahahaha.

Just know when to draw the line.
Learn to preserve yourself.
What will always define u
are the decisions u have
made for yourself.
Know what is important to u.
Know what is worth fighting for
or not?

Dont take my word for this,
find out for yourself,
but there is love that lasts
till death.
I've seen & witness it from other
couples.
I have never been married & I too am
skeptical & scared of marriage
but it is sacred Ariel.
It will take all of u to
choose the right for u to make it work.
Others find their suitable partner for them
the first time around, others after a few tries.

It will always depend on u
and to the man u want to spend
the rest of your life with.



What is to fear of love?
Maybe u mean the consequences
of loving someone?
Educate yourself more.
Read more.
Learn from others mistakes.

Never mind how old u are
before u will be ready to
say, "u are prepared to
tackle love," because
even if u are not ready
Ariel, sometimes life has
a way of throwing u a curve ball.
And the only thing u can do is
do your best & handle it the best
way that u can without
destroying yourself &
the one u are in love with.

At the end of the day,
it is what makes u at peace,
happy & positive about life
that counts.
With or without a partner,
your choice.

So to you making a commitment means you become a prisoner and slave? And the commitment is represented by signing a piece of paper, which you won't do, so you don't make a commitment.
Sounds like you should do some serious healing from childhood trauma/wounds or you'll miss out on a lot of good in your life. You let other people's choices influence your own chances to happiness.
As it is, you're likely going to project your own fears on the guy that loves you, make him responsible for your parents' choices and mistakes, and at the same time you expect him to heal you? How fair is that? You push him away, yet expect him to convince you that he's for real and what you have is real?
I call that a path of self-sabotaging and hurting other people in the process.

No one but you can heal you and the hurt in you. You cannot make someone else responsible for your happiness. Not if you want a lasting, happy relationship, cos you'd suck the life out of them.
Another thing is, that with your convictions, you are likely to attract someone who will confirm those beliefs ..

You can probably do with replacing old images concerning marriage, relationship and love. Maybe you can start by observing people that are in love and see how happy they are. Open up your heart bit by bit for what you see, the joy, the pleasure, the happiness, the vibe they exude.

Good luck

My marriage to my late wife was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Why would you lose your independence or your control of yourself? It's a bond.. not a bondage.

Guess you don’t want to look back and wonder if you pulled your weight after all RIGHT?, a canoe can’t move forward if you’re only paddling on one side. Love is an ideal thing and marriage a real thing...

WTF am I reading?

"I am scared of a relationship where I can't choose and have no power over myself...but how great would it be to find someone that forces me to do things based on threatening me with something worse."

I wonder if this is just the onset of a 30 year online dating site career of never finding someone capable of meeting impossible standards, all the while pumping out kids because they're constantly played by people who know how to fake promise the ability to meet those standards.

This should be an Mtv reality show from this stage.

I don't think marriage is the worst thing that can happen to someone...but I also don't believe it is as necessary...or even as relevant as it used to be.

Most homes now have two people working, independent of each other, with their own sense of self-worth and independence.

They are proud in themselves, of what they've accomplished, and they want companionship...not that they need it..just want..you can get that without marriage(although still not as socially acceptable)

I think marriage was necessary in single-income households it gave the wife equal(and legal) rights to her husband's(assuming he was the bread winner) finances which was necessary to raise a family.

It's' not just the situation that's changed but the attitudes as well...women used to wear their man's name with pride.....(some still may...but fewer than before)

watch any older TV show and you'll see a woman beaming with pride saying something like "I'm misses DR. Robert Jones!"...they were proud to be a wife, proud of their man.

But the shift in our society of 'do it yourself, you don't need a man, don't let anyone ever change you, and you deserve the best of the best, and the instant-gratification that many expect' has in my mind made marriage not only extremely difficult, but also not all that useful...

in a society that focuses solely on 'look out for yourself" the idea of "becoming one, and perhaps doing something for someone else...even if you don't get anything(tangible) in return' is contradictory to everything this generation has been taught....it's no wonder marriage rates are on the decline, and divorce rates on the rise....

no I don't
I happen to believe in matrimony
with the right person

Nice advice on here!

Ariel u may want to ponder on this more^^^
if I may dare say, give it more a thought-
it may change an angle in your perspective.




If I may suggest,
u might want to read this advice from Ms. Crystal
twice or thrice Ariel & internalize it.

Because your OP did indeed sound like- because
of your parents choices & mistakes,
u have that kind of perspective.

Remember, those are your parents choices
Ariel.They have their own lives to live,
u have yours.
Would u really prefer they stayed together
miserable with each other,
than having separate lives & be happy
with someone else?
I may not go as far as calling it a trauma
when parents get divorce but it may be
the main factor why you have
such opinion of marriage at such a young age.



In fairness to the 19 year old girl Ms. Crystal
I think she is just terrified of loving someone
because her parent's marriage did not work out.
She even go as far as saying that she wants to
actually meet someone who can make her happy.

Which even me as an adult can relate.
She is just 19 years old, she is not pushing
someone away.She just have a bad concept of
marriage.

I beg to disagree Ma'am, with all due respect:

"that it is a path of self-sabotaging
& hurting another people in the process."

She is not even allowing someone to
be in her life yet, though she wanted to.

I feel her, I actually can understand where she is
coming from.
I am an adult, but I am skeptical & scared of
marriage even if my own parents never get
separated.

Ariel just thought that marriage is the
worst thing that can happen to someone.
Her reasons are valid.

To say that she is hurting & needed healing
is I guess a bit too much.
Why would she suck out the life of someone
just because she is cautious & wary
about marriage?
I have witness few couples that are happy,
productive & going stronger without the benefit
of marriage in their relationship.



With all due respect for this^^^
I will still beg to disagree.
I say let Ariel take her time.
She is young, her convictions
are not but impressionable.

There is nothing wrong with being
cautious, skeptical & preserving
oneself.
Especially about as sacred as
marriage.

Life anyway has always a way
of teaching us, what is worth it
and what is not.

Compatibility Isaac is
important to others.

Not the best of the best
but someone who u would
be sure u can live with for
the rest of your life.

Others take time in choosing
because they do not want
trial & errors.

Others take time in choosing
actually because marriage is
sacred for them and they want
what their parents have.
They wanted their own family
raised the way they
were raised.

Because there are still people
who do not want to make babies
outside marriage.

Because there are still people
who wish that if ever they have
children they should be raised in
a traditional way,
than what it is now in the
modern world.

To each of his/ her own I guess on this.