Have you ever found yourself, in a new or old relationship.. and looked at your partner !and thought to yourself..? could I do better ,could I find better... what happens when you start to think that?. is that a bad thing to think?.. I'll give you an example..
You just met somebody, you've dated for a while.. you connect on a lot of levels great conversations ,they're fun to be with ,you make each other laugh ,..you get each other On a emotional level.. now physically ,maybe they're not exactly what you're looking for..

Maybe he or she has a little buddha belly..lol.. or perhaps one part of their body isn't big enough or small enough.. or firm enough... now at this point !..do you ever say to yourself..hmmm.. perhaps I could, do better?. . But then you tell yourself..hmm..but we do get along on a lot of other levels.. but is that alone! enough for you to be content and happy...?.. or once you have admitted to yourself, That you might be able to do a little better.... do you start looking for that next.. could this be the one person..lol..

If you don't go in %100 then the "could you do better" seed is planted...
it will grow like a weed and take over your thoughts.....
usually this is the beginning of the end...

I would get out if I thought that or not go onto the relationship. It's not fair on them.

Life is too short to muck around.
Be up front and honest.

I agree with Mikey and Annie.

I went into a relationship thinking that, but we got on so well. Before the end any physical attraction there had been had gone coz I just didn't fancy him enough.

Other things changed too, everything became hard work. But when I couldn't even be bothered kissing him, things were not good. Wasn't fair on either of us but I still feel he got the raw end of the deal.

I kept trying to convince myself that it would all work out because looks don't matter, but once everything else started to fall apart there was no coming back.

Normally when you start thinking if you could have done better it has to deal with a lot more then someone's body not being what you was hoping for..

When thoughts of such creeps in it is only the beginning going down hill...

Once the seed is planted your not all that happy with that person then most likely it is time to do some deep thinking and move on if that is not the person one wants to be with..

My personal understanding/experience is this is a feeling that creeps into even the most devoted well matched person's mind.

It is usually when the relationship gets more "comfortable".

Sometimes more stressed.( Just adjusting and adapting to a new relationship takes serious commitment. Sure not for the selfish or the wimps of the world.)

And it is realistic; especially in a culture where we are constantly brainwashed to be better, seek better, and never quite be satisfied. But is that what you want as your core? Isn't that self defeating?

Especially when the reality is if you were not able to be exhausted by the eternal hunt you could probably find better. But if they are better are you necessarily better or just the current rung on their ladder? The knife cuts both ways. And real blood gets drawn. Do you want your life to be a forced march toward better? Is upward on upward until you plummet to the ground or the air gets to thin to breath good?

And since what we are told to seek is so impossible a standard and the mind set that there is always room for improvement so pervasive it takes real retraining to buck the system and face NOBODY is perfect. We all get tired, we all age, we all fail at some things even with our best efforts. The whole soulmate concept is really a fairytale. You are able to find a better half if you want to be a better half. If you live your life by a perfect ruler you will never measure up.

Someone wise told me there is a reason a wedding ring is round. It symbolizes the circle of rededication that is necessary in a lasting relationship. To be faithful you have to zap those nagging doubts in the bud and reenergize why you want that never ending circle of love in your life and endlessly recommit to it. That is accepting there are going to be stinky sock days and even stinking thinking sometimes. We are human. Good humans strive to self correct the right things; usually themselves. Why the whole concept of doing what you did to catch them is necessary to keep them is so true. Everyone needs to be reenergized to want to re-energized in return. But good relationships do need endless nurturing and celebrating. You balance out the round little budda belly with a few belly laughs. And grow to know that a body with out a belly is like the sky without stars. Each experience you share, and sometimes yes just get through, is another star in your mutual sky.

But I guarantee you the rings in a relationship will not be about perfection but that little imperfection and intertwining you know and they know about you, an like anyway, that makes your pairing special. And how that ring starts to make and indelible mark on not just your finger but your heart and soul if you work towards that. And yes sometimes it is work and some times it is play. Sometimes it is just that boring in-between; and in other words real life.

But then the doubts and little fears of could I done better give way to wow I won the real lotto in life and nothing out there is better it is definitely worth the investment.

And it is always YOUR choice how you look at your life. If you let outside forces tell you that you got short changed chances are you will eventually believe it. If you encircle your life with people who support it and cherish it and help it move forward your relationship will thrive and be your prize.

Remember Misery loves company and jealousy will corrupt so avoid those people like the plague will vaccinate even a healthy relationship.

Wow, such wisdom! I do believe that I will find somebody who I want to make that effort with. I have made the effort before but it takes two to make a relationship work. I sincerely pray that the next one will be the last (as in last til the end of my days rather than just give up all together!)

Some times I will agree we plant weeds in our garden of life and it is just facing facts to pull them out and replant your future so to speak.

But all to often what is thought to be a torn plant is just a bush with a little effort, time, patience, and the right pruning can turn into a beautiful rose garden.

Over the years I have seen more than one person that threw relationship after relationship on the heap and it was only when they looked back and saw what all they laid waste and changed their mind set that they ever found peace and a happy relationship. Why you often find many similarities in spouses of the multiply married.
Why you sometimes see people remarry the previous spouse.

They sometimes get knocked down a peg but sometimes they just step down off their high horse and get real.

Yes, have been there. Quite often too I'm afraid ...

In my experience there's 2 possible, highly likely reasons:

1 - You are insecure and your sense of worth depends on the status of your partner

2 - You're with them for the wrong reasons. 1 actually equals this 2nd.

In my experience, staying with them is ultimately not going to make you happy. It keeps gnawing at ya.

Dead on.

I have never understood when peeps say, 'You could
have done better.'

If you are with the only person in the world you
care to be with, there IS no better.

When you finally commit, you should throw out any
ideas you have about making comparisons.

There will always be someone/something else to
compare to, but that is a wicked game with
no winners.

Look, at some point in a relationship....EVERYONE has asked themselves "Could I do better". Think about it. You have a good thing going with someone and then that sexy guy/gal at work notices you, flirts with you, and those emotions come up....could I do better? Am I really happy? I honestly believe this is the MAIN reason people cheat. Temptation comes along and you wonder "what if", "could I do better".....and then you plunge into sin. LOL! Or you don't give in. Relationships are work and sadly this sort of thing happens to us all. However, if the one you are with is totally worth it all then you will easily answer the question.

Amen Sister You always nail it.

Agree with all of the above
Comparison and temptation would be best to refrain from in a relationship
The mind plays games within you

Depends on what's "really" driving the thoughts.

Could be you think you match on all levels, but communication sucks, so deep deep down you're insecure they may or could or are going to leave you because you just don't know what's going on, so you start contemplating eventualities of when they leave you.

It's not that you want to look for better, or think there's better, you're just preparing yourself because you think you have to.

Or maybe you just really don't want to be in a relationship, so you just automatically sabotage them at a certain point.

Contemplation is driven by all sorts of things you have no idea of.


No.
I inherently and wholeheartedly believe anyone and everyone could do better.
No matter who you are there is someone better than you (or them) in all things.
Smarter, funnier, stronger, faster, richer, hotter, better, worser, younger, older, wiser, smarter, whatever.

Everyone "could" do better. They could go their entire finite lives jumping from one person to the next and always going to someone "better" than the last.

That's what makes adult choices adult choices.

Being an adult doesn't mean you have the wisdom or experience to find the best option but accepting for every question there is more than one correct answer, you have to choose one and commit to it, and you will based on some combination of your personal bias of reason and emotion.

If you're running around trying to find the one, single, solitary, answer that solves everything in all ways, whether it be a person, a political system, a utopian ideal, a career, a lottery ticket, you're screwing yourself and you'll never find it.
You're always playing "let's make a deal."
That's what children do.
They look for the magic answer that solves everything, they look for the greener grass, they chase the dragon of emotional highs.

That's how Disney and poets and religion screwed everybody.
With the idea of "happily ever after(life)."
That implies you can make a choice...and then it's nothing but blue skies and lack of change and problems for the rest of eternity.
"Happily ever after" means you are allowed to make one "good" choice, and be rewarded for it forever.

That simply doesn't exist.
Adults realize that and make responsible proactive choices accordingly.

ahhhhh yes the BBD syndrome
many suffer from this one

Yes.. it helps if you know what you're looking for in the first place..
Or you come to a place in your life where you are comfortable with not having everything in one person... you would prefer someone that can hold a conversation . Over someone who can look good having a conversation...lol..

Time to move on if such thought creeps in