Are you guilty of holding someone back from accomplishing, or doing, or developing as they should, or could? Good Question, isn't it?

Maybe you have been in a role that influences other people and your actions and behaviors are stopping someone from being the person they can be, or maybe you are influencing them to the point where they question their own ability to succeed.

Now, there are several examples that come to mind. Let's take a parent, for example, who has a child or number of children. If one or both parents are the type of individuals who encourage children to develop and not only give them opportunity to do so, but are active with encouraging words and behaviors, then you are in a positive and helpful mode. But, what if, by design or unconsciously, you are stemming the growth and development of children or maybe only one of your children. Would you recognize if you were doing this? Would you change if you did realize that you are hindering, not helping?

Several years ago, I had to replace a receptionist for my unit. Before I advertised for the position, I was approached by another manager, within the same division, and asked if I would consider a transfer from his staff instead of opening a new competition. My natural question was to ask who he wanted me to consider and why?

His response not only surprised me, but also made me a little apprehensive to accept this transfer. Here is the reason why.

I was told that the employee had been causing a number of problems both from a work standard perspective and from a personal relationship viewpoint. It appeared from his description of this employee that she was having a lot of problems performing her duties, and had difficulties on a personal basis with her supervisor, and did not appear to respond to any attempts he, the manager, had made to resolve the issues. Now, after listening to his explanation, I really had severe doubts. What crossed my mind, after this discussion, was that he wanted me to take a performance problem off his hands. Do you think I came down with the last rain shower? Why would I want to assume anyone else's problem?

I told him I would think about it and would let him know the next day. As promised, after thinking more about this potential performance issue, I decided that, because a colleague asked me, I would agree speak with her privately before I made any decision.

And, what I found out during this interview, gave me food for thought. As it turned out after speaking with her for over an hour, was that the performance issue appeared to result from working for a supervisor who never extended a good morning greeting, never gave a word of encouragement, relished in finding fault, and was constantly changing the work load and its priority. The end result was a totally devastated employee who was insecure, hated to see a new work day start, and who had contemplated quitting every day before she went to work.

Now, I wasn't naive enough to think that I couldn't be fooled, but the look on her face, the trembling hands, and the agitated manner in which she spoke led me to believe she was being truthful. I decided to accept her transfer to unit. What started out as a shy, withdrawn and frightened employee turned out to be one of the most productive and loyal employee's I ever had the privilege of working with. She couldn't do enough and was constantly asking for more and for more responsibility. I was more than happy to give her what she needed - praise for work well done, respect as a person, and encouragement to excel in anything she tackled.

thanks for sharing

umm this would be more believable and less self aggrandizing if it was posted by her.

Please give credit to the author of that piece, Byron Pulsifer

http://www.wow4u.com/youare/index.html

I am very cautious with that of influence as I at some stage at the receiving end. The thought of quiting crossed my mind every blessed day. Reasons for staying were much stronger so I decided I would stay and fight the bad with the good, kept doing my work without hard feeling or negative reaction and humbled myself more.

Yea... He deserves it... Interesting piece and informative

I like turtles.

You are hired Sherlock! Good detective work.

Not really all that great of question.

Simply due to things like the Peter Principle.

Not to mention this:

That's just "he said/she said."

Personally, I've worked with a lot of people that when there's a change in their status or they're being moved to a different department, without their cooperation, start turning themselves into a victim because they're scared to get fired.

Sometimes they work harder for a little while, or they suck up, or they lie; they turn victim mode into survivor mode and do anything they can to manipulate how they are perceived to keep from being ostracized/fired until they feel safe enough to go back to normal.

Also, I've met a lot of managers that would pay lip service to their "professionalism," but gave any opportunity they could to the women with the shortest skirts, or biggest boobs, or kindest eyes, or nicest butt, and all of a sudden these women became the best employees in the world!...to their eyes but not those of anyone else.


So to me this

is a bad question.

It's based on relying too much on the self reflection of others who have every reason to not see the truth, and no way for the people reading what they have to say to determine its veracity.

But other than that...No! I'm not guilty of holding someone back from accomplishing, or doing, or developing as they should, or could! I know the perfect time of when to lead someone by the hand, when to give them autonomy, and everywhere in between. I am a big bright shining star of management omniscience and leadership!

Why just the other day I noticed someone floundering and had to really do some soul searching and self reflection on how to help the poor fellow and came up with the perfect solution (I could flesh out if I wasn't making this up off the top of my head in less than 5 minutes).
They became the best employee I have ever worked with!

Do You Realize The Influence You Have?

In the real world outside Mingle,
if u want to be left alone & be
more productive & have lesser hassles,
it is wiser, to stand your ground
only, when u feel it is necessary,
& make sure to let anything,
inconsequential pass w/o a reaction.
Leave influence to people who
have money & power to support
their actions & campaigns.
In short, "mind-your-own- business" policy is the wisest.
Healthier & safer.

In Mingle?
Let us just put it this way-

While I am very aware that
millions of children tonight
all over the world,
will not have any supper,
after a whole day without eating anything...

I cannot do anything about it.
What I can do, is to make sure
that I will not bring another life
into this world, that I cannot feed and love.

While I want the man I like,
the one I want to get to know better
self reflect and be a better person
that he can be, I find it
quiet ambitious & pretentious for me,
if I will dream of influencing other
people on a dating website.

If I want my opinion to matter,
I will choose a socio-civic websites,
or socio-political websites that can
provide me a better platform,
if I feel the need to influence people.

The fact that I am on a dating website
means, I want someday to date
someone compatible with me personality wise.
For now, I will settle in expressing my
individuality.

Influence?
Lets leave it to people
who like to express their opinions,
criticisms & support by always posting on a new acct,
who always for some reasons, get the whole picture
& in the same page with everyone,
with just few posts,
when I can hardly piece it out yet.
Let alone figure out everything.




To even suggest that I will feel guilty because
of how others:

-perceive my words
-interpret my posts

is a bit conceited.
I have the unfortunate experience,
of assuming before that the songs posted
on the board are for me.
I actually find the courage to ask the man
in his thread if those songs are really for me.
I get promptly rejected.
If that does not wobble the knees & confidence
of other spinsters, I dont know what will.
As for me, it gives me a lesson,
never. ever. assume.that. a. post .is.for.u.in.the.forum.

After that incident,
someone whose opinion I really value &
someday I want to be as mature as her,
says, if the post does not says-
chronicliar75 this flower is for u.
Never ever assume it is for u.

Well so far, the advice & the lesson
proves to be true, helpful & logical.
So why in the hell would I feel guilty
if a person, choose to interpret my words
as negative or something that will make
him/her stop from accomplishing something?

Its like claiming that someone can really
be a victim in a dating website?
Really? People get bullied.
People get rejected.
But victimized? Cmon?!
If posts & words can actually victimized
an adult on a dating website,
who are thousand of miles away from him/her
then he/she will not last longer
in the real world.
It is far harsher & demanding
in the outside world.

We all know that. that is why,
no matter how busy we are,
this forum is irresistible to us.
It sharpen our wits,
it allows us to express who we are
& still feel relatively safe.
It allows us to interact with people
and still feel relatively safe.

Guilty?
Why should we?
Everyone has a choice to skip posts,
they do not want to read.
Everyone has a choice to filter people,
they do not want to interact.

Thank you.

If you want to know HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE , read this book by OG MANDINO. It's a good book:)

And if you are in the management, you better read books to guide you on how to properly handle people. There are many management books available in the market. So if you wanna be a great leader , you must become a great follower....learn to understand the importance of providing motivation and directions to your people but first you have to start from the bottom, humbling yourself and opening your mind to teachings by following leaders and thus become a successful leader too

You are my favorite detective, without a doubt. Can I hire you for all the tough cases?

Why leave out the closing statement from the original author? Now the essence of the story (the title) is completely lost.

This is the essence:
I was more than happy to give her what she needed - praise for work well done, respect as a person, and encouragement to excel in anything she tackled.

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy in that we can hold ourselves back from accomplishing what we should, and being guilty of undermining our own worth to the company or organization we work for. But, we can also adversely affect those around us whether we choose to act like arrogant and uncaring people, or think we know everything, or by setting unrealistic expectations, or by refusing to encourage others as if a positive remark would belittle our own status. It may be a wise notion that we all look in the mirror, from time to time, to see what we are really like.

I think it's a great story, and unfortunately all too true ... this kind of stuff happens so often, and not just on the work floor.
If people got validation a bit more often, the world would be a much happier place!
Esp in work situations, employers demand you give it your all, fully motivated and enthused, but they give nothing in return to make you feel that way, except for an often meager paycheck. And if you don't display the required enthusiasm, you get sacked.
A few genuine compliments and validation could make a world of difference.
.
.
.

Sorry too much text couldn't be bothered to read it.

This piece is, to me, something worth thinking about and in many ways, I have to agree with you.