I find flaws, but I believe people are capable of changing anything with time, knowledge, and growth

but I do look for signs that one is open to growth,, and if they aren't, its not likely they will be capable of Improvement,, and then I believe I would lose interest,,,

I find the red flags.. usually make me feel like this.. they do or say something.. ..ie..in my head I'm like..
Wait wait wait a minute that wasn't very nice.. that did not make me feel good... I don't think I like that! very much.... I wouldn't do that! or say that! to them..hmm.. okay maybe I'm just being over sensitive... it's probably just a one-off probably ....hmm..

. But look at her she's so pretty.. and those legs of hers go up to the sky..
And turn themselves into a perfect . little bottom..yup.. I'm probably just being over sensitive..lol.wink

I think we see what we want to see.

If you are "schooled" to see certain things as Red flags you do. That can be Good parenting, helpful friends, the school of "hard knocks", and sometimes if yo are in a really good place and have your duckies in a row so you can take the time to act not just react in desperation, which is part maturity, you make more dispassionate choices about who you date.

All that said nobody has a foolproof crystal ball to predict the future and some of it is just luck.

Love and relationships is always to some extent a pay to play situation. Sometimes you win and some times you loose.

I think Soufie said it best. We see and know better but do it anyway.
I have some definite deal breakers that are non negotiable but the little red flags I think even though my brain is saying no my heart makes excuses if it is someone I am interested in

Looks up^^ big red flag... she doesn't share her chicken.. dinner....hmm.. sounds a bit selfish to me....llmao..jk

Of course I would share. With you I would have to pass it on a plate through the front door though Anyone else I would invite in

.awww.. that's just cold..lol..
But I totally understand...
. You just can't trust yourself around me.. .. and I totally get that ... I mean after all I am pretty irresistible.. ..
.. wouldn't be long before you were melting like butter...mmhmm

I'm a Taurean.


YUP..YOU GUESSED IT

Yeah, and that is exactly the problem ...

I think it is easier for men to not make those excuses, but my research is still in its infancy ...

Maybe this is our problem, Pancho: Torros are colourblind so how can they spot the red flags until it's too late?
I mean, look at the poor bugger, he's hurt and bleeding ... and the b@st@rd who did it to him got what he deserved. Hope he lost his baws in the process.

Yes ... same here ... 10 friggin years... And I've discovered since leaving him that there's a helluva lot of narcissists out there, a freaky amount!!
And I also concerned I will fall for it again, cos the chance of meeting one is high, as there are so many of 'em.
I had an encounter (not a relationship) with another narcissist, I think that's what opened my eyes to spotting them.

And you know what ... as it happens 3 of my gal pals are involved with one ... isn't that typical? I didn't know they were narcissists when I first met them.
And guess what: They repelled me on the spot.
My very very dear friend is with one and I really can't stand to be in the same room with that man. Not joking. He makes me feel sick to the stomach. ALL my alarm bells go freaking nuts when he's around.
Of course this does affect my friendship with my galpal as I can not really see my friend anymore, cos he's always there. And if she wants to come over, he'll come with her. But I rather not see her than put up with being around a f**king narcissist. I put up with one for 10 years, I just can't bear it no more. My friend understands (I told her).

But anywho, I think we'll be alright, I think our 'sensors' will spot them. I've spotted those three and my instincts immediately scream "GET OUT OF HERE!!!"

Can women be "narcissists" also? That description fits a few I have met.

yes they can

I can relate cheers to life free of narcissism

...because I am a narcissist magnet I have a hard time giving any guy a chance even a pink flag I run...kinda stinks cause I will probably be alone till I die...but being alone is way better than being in the arms of a jerk...

Then find out why ...
Narcissists usually attract vulnerable women. You can work on your vulnerability. If you're strong and self-confident, they cannot manipulate and use and abuse you, so they're not attracted to you either.

Can be but not common. Mostly narcissists are men, like borderliners are mostly women.

There are some similarities between the two, so maybe the woman you're talking about is a borderliner

I have now spotted red flags with men becouse I am older ... I don't believe when younger we thought about red flags at all ... or new what to look for... love seemed easy then lol personally now seems harder ... becouse I believed I have changed ... and that has made it harder for me and I am sure not just with myself ... do I know what I am looking for an I hope to find it when I feel it ... an not let it pass me by ... one thing to be depressed all the time but when a person wants to keep you in that place that is not a good situation for either if you ... just remember you can not change anyone they can only change them selves ... and if you think you can that should be a double red flag lol just my thoughts ...

i think when we were younger it seemed easier because we too often mixed up love with lust or even simple attraction.

as for flags, sometimes i think as we get older we either ignore them for fear of alone, or hide behind false ones for fear of getting hurt. the trick is balance.

speaking for this guy it still goes both ways. sometimes i can ignore all of them and try to "beat a dead horse". though not as often as in my younger days, thankfully. or i can piece together enough major ones quickly enough to realize it will never work no matter how hard we want to try. and yes i am talking about in a few conversations or dates