so.. what do you do when you find yourself in a relationship.. where the feelings of love.. are a little one sided....

Ok.. so you're in a new relationship let's say one to two months into it.. you like the person you care for them.. but you're not really sure if you are in love with them... when out of the blue.. they proclaim their love for you..
.. awkward... so you can see yourself spending time with them but you really aren't sure if you can fall in love with them.. but it is clear they are heads over heels in love with you... so if you find yourself in this situation how do you proceed.?..

maybe have her over and accidentally leave up this thread on your computer,,,,


<shrugs>

if you don't say i love you back i think that should be a hint to them i'd rather hear the truth 2 months in than keep wasting time

Has she actually said, 'I am in love with you'?
There is a difference between saying 'I love you' and 'I am crazy, madly in love with you baby'.
One can just be affection and the other is a statement or declaration.

If they are heads over heels in love with you I would be very careful.I prefer my woman to have just one head.

,

Be honest with yourself and with them.
Set the free.
Longer you prolong doing it the deeper the hole.
She would eventually pick it up.
Be cruel to be kind.

After all you don't want her evil twin hunting you down

Subtle

I think that it's very much a personal decision. If you really don't want anything serious and she does then I suppose that you should tell her that you're not the one she's looking for and end it.

I'm not sure what I would do myself. Maybe ask myself if it was just me having a commitment phobia. Why don't you love her? What's wrong with her? Is your sex life good or unsatisfactory? Is there some reason that you just can't see a future with her? Do you have some sort of idea about what sort of woman that you do want and can't get over the fact that it's not a woman like her?

Reaction to that would depend upon where my head was at..
Was I looking for a committement with someone when I met her?
Was I interested in dating others?
I think you can grow to love someone, after the initial lust has diminished..

Also, I would maybe look to see if there's a pattern here with you losing interest in women after the sex has become boring, or something else that you feel has been wrong with your relationships.

Do you ever want to marry again? If the answer is no then there's maybe no point in having a think about what you do want in a woman because it's just somebody that's fun to hang out with that won't get all clingy on you.

I'm thinking "Why did you spend two months with them if you don't really feel something for them?"
Oh ... hang on ... I think I understand!
Be honest and have to baws to tell her you don't feel the same way.

She has made the first move in saying what she did and is now waiting for your response, so it's time to put the cards on the table regarding your feelings for her and the long term, since she has, and because you have been dating for a few months I guess it's a fair question. You now need to decide what your feelings for her are, and where you see this relationship going in the long term, whether you want to or not, because a response from you is expected.

Time to sit down and have a heart to heart with her in my opinion, so you can both decide the best way forward based on how you feel about each other now and what you both want long term, it's either more time to see what happens or go your separate ways. These are just my thoughts, and if you are in this situation I hope things work out for the best for both of you.

so.. what do you do when you find yourself in a relationship.. where the feelings of love.. are a little one sided....

Then you are not really in a relationship, because each is defining it differently.

Ok.. so you're in a new relationship let's say one to two months into it.. you like the person you care for them.. but you're not really sure if you are in love with them... when out of the blue.. they proclaim their love for you..

Love after 2 months? Ach..no.
Not even in real life. Sounds needy or obsessive or someone is trying to force or create it, just by saying it.

.. awkward... so you can see yourself spending time with them but you really aren't sure if you can fall in love with them.. but it is clear they are heads over heels in love with you... so if you find yourself in this situation how do you proceed.?..

RUN. They think they are in love, you are not
Staying just because they love you? That it is some kind of 'people pleasing ' to stay.
And why mislead soneone & keep them hanging on?

I don't know. Kind of agree that a couple of months is really early days and even if I did have feelings for someone after that period of time it wouldn't be unusual because I tend to fall for women quite easily. I wouldn't be telling them that I loved them though unless things were going really well between us. The only reason in this scenario that I can think of for just coming out with that "out of the blue" would be if I felt that the other person was just jerking me around and I wasn't happy about that.

I suspect that this is how she feels about you. I have no idea what you told her that you were looking for when you got involved with her. Maybe you said that you didn't want anything serious and she hoped that you would change your mind. Anyway, best advice is that when you tell her don't do it in a douchbag sort of way because you're breaking her heart.

did you really think it would go on indefinitely and she would never develop feelings?

this tends to happen ya know
even if two people are just sleeping together

it is only the illusion or delusion of love..the facsimile of it

oh from outside it might look like it
two people walking hand in hand down the street
sitting at the cafe
laughing and enjoying each other's company
having interesting conversations over candle lit dinners
touching and kissing and being mad for each other in the sheets

but it is only two people spending time together if..
there was no real connection in first place
you were just lonely and she was an attractive person
to spend time with
or...
you never allow yourself to be open to the possibility of love
because in order to do that, you must allow yourself to once again
become vulnerable

Yeah. A lot of no-strings people are like that because they really aren't open to love but they still want the romance. That's where it is playing people a bit. That's where you start giving them the impression that you might have real feelings for them and might want to get more serious.

honesty on full no1. what are you looking for with her. fwb casual dating or more time to see is this could go the distance? then you have a plain conversation with her and find out if you are both on the same page.

personally i think that 2 month is a bit quick to profess undying love but maybe not for something more along the lines of i love this spending time together stuff

depends NO1 on whether or not this has now become your Modus operandi

and if you look back at say the last three or four relationships you have had you can see that this has become a pattern for you


you really only have three options
to postpone the inevitable and feed her bullsheet lines like
" I care for you" " I enjoy spending time with you"

or tell her honestly how you feel which may be
absolutely nothing
in which case this one will come to an end
and you start this process all over again

or you analyze your feelings and discover you really
do truly care about this person
and that it would greatly sadden you to hurt her
or let her walk out of your life

The thing is, she thinks that you're a nice guy. If you keep seeing her but aren't prepared to do it on anything but a casual basis it becomes a one sided relationship where you're the one getting what they want from it. You're calling the shots and she just goes along with it because she loves you, even though she's not happy with the relationship.