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| Topic: RETIRED HUSBAND | |
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Edited by
Conrad_73
on
Tue 08/11/15 11:56 PM
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RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men;I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target: Dear Mrs. Marcon: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Marcon, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused an employee to leave her assigned station, receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least: 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. |
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LMAO
 
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Now I remember why I loved Mingle2!!!!!!!
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Edited by
Amelinng
on
Wed 08/12/15 12:35 AM
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hahahahahaha
Loved #9 :-) |
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RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men;I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target: Dear Mrs. Marcon: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Marcon, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused an employee to leave her assigned station, receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least: 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. We used to use that Condom thing at Wal-Mart thing all the time on customers. It was a funny prank to play on them. 
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tHANK yOU sIR!
u MADE MY LIFE SO BEAUTIFUL |
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Priceless...
Reminder why I won't be taking Pancho shopping if and when I have to do it.. |
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hhahahahahaha..I want a retired husband
broken in a bit around edges old enough to realize that life should not so serious all the time
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