I got a text message today. It was from a guy I dated last year for about 4 months. We got along great, talked about everything, good, bad, indifferent. We never seemed to run out of words. And things in the bedroom, well, vrooom vrooom! But then suddenly, nothing. Not a word, peep, or screw off. He stopped responding to anything from me. So, I cut my losses and moved on. I'm not saying it didn't hurt, I'm not saying I didn't cry. I'm not saying I never thought about him again. I'm not saying I didn't wonder what went wrong. But no response is a response.
Well today I heard from him. Apparently my really good girl friend had the opportunity to speak to him, and she ripped him a new one. So, he texted to apologize. I thanked him for his apology and briefly explained, without profanities, how he had made me feel. He explained that his life suddenly turned up-side down and he decided that I didn't need his stress in my life. I paraphrased a post one of the guys here made (I'm sorry I don't remember who, but I thank you very much) about how not accepting comfort etc. from a friend who was willing to provide it was de-valuing to them. Then I asked him what the purpose of the apology was, because if it was to settle this some before we went back to our separate lives I was not willing to rip open anymore of the scar tissue by discussing it further. He said he was offering friendship, and would not trade the time we had together for anything. I told him apparently he would, because he did.

That's where it stands. If my Mingle friends have thoughts on the matter, I would like to hear them.

I think you should keep yourself away from him. Looks like you are not completely over him and you may end up getting hurt again. If he honestly cared about you, he wouldn't have walked out on you like that.... Without at least saying bye and explaining himself. Be careful with what you are gonna do. i think you know already what will be better for you.... good luck!

1. Burned bridges are easier to cross back over into familiar territory and benefits than trying to build new bridges with new people not knowing what's on the other side.

2. It's easier to cross burned bridges because people like to believe they are altruistic and "good" people not completely driven by selfish motives.
Therefore they fall for lies that validate that belief about themselves.

3. Any "reason" to justify relationship behavior that is summed up into something that sounds like a line from a movie, is a line and bs. It's presented as part of a script in order to manipulate a certain reaction, to get the other person to follow the script.
If you react how you are supposed to, it's good for them.
If you don't react how you are supposed to, they are justified (in their head) in judging you.

They've probably spent some time feeling sorry for themselves and what they don't have, and someone popped into their head that could make them feel better.
Then they come up with the back story of how things "really" happened, and then invite you to become a partner in the idealized story of "what happened" and their "change" which is all bs and simply a means to feel good.

4. People that manipulate will do so in order to get themselves into a win win situation, mostly at your expense.
e.g. " He said he was offering friendship"
This is the same thing a lot of women do when they tell men they just want to be "just friends."
It's a gift horse you aren't supposed to look into.

If you don't accept their friendship, then you're the bad guy.
Who would rebuke such a simple relationship based on kindness and goodness? Only bad people don't want friends. Only bad people think people shouldn't be friends. It's only a teeny tiny thing. What's the harm?

If you do accept their friendship, you're giving them an inch and it will keep going until they have a mile. You are accepting their boundaries and definition of the relationship (at least in their head, it's a tacit agreement since they offered friendship to you).

If you live up to the idea of "friendship" and all the boundaries, it's okay, that's what you are supposed to do, they win, they got you to do something, they get emotional security, validation, a bird in the hand, and an opportunity over time for more.

If they don't live up to the idea of "friendship" and all the boundaries, well then it's your fault.
You're too sexy, too nice, the perfect mate, they weren't sure, you make them feel so much.
Or they are friends for a bit...but then faaaaaaaaade away.
It just didn't work out. No one's fault. Not theirs. Possibly yours for not chasing them and being a better friend.



If something didn't work out it didn't work.
Unless they've been gone for several decades they haven't really changed, which means what they want and how they act hasn't really changed. At best they can camouflage it for a little bit through revisionist emotional history.

The past should stay the past.
Learn from it, but know it's proper place, as the past, don't constantly make it part of your present and future.

Those are my thoughts on the matter.

Awww Suz think you handled it with
more maturity and patience then I would have been able to do.

Well, after sharing a period of intimacy, physical and emotional, he could have told you of the upheaval in his life, and either let you make your own decision whether to support him during this bleak period or told you that he would not be contacting you until he resolved his issues. By doing neither he denied you the opportunity to be his friend.

But you are the one that has to make a decision.

Do you need or value his friendship?
Will his friendship enrich your life?
Will declining his offer of friendship leave a void in your life?
Is this an attempt to rekindle your romance?
If so, do you want to rekindle the romance?

Personally, were I him, I would have continued to leave you alone (especially after suffering the wrath of the friend of a woman I scorned!)

But he did not.

Do a little soul searching and let YOUR conscience be your guide.

((((((Suz))))))

You deserve better my friend so go for it.

ouch

pick the pieces up and find someone worth your value

Yup, gotta agree with that.

Dayum my precious friend... The first thing I want to say is ...
You have more class than most of us have by far...

Great job you did a wonderful classy thing..You didn't lower yourself to his level I also have to agree with these statements...




Then this says so much...


Either way it took guts to contact you... I can't advise you on what to do ...
I have rebuilt bridges and it didn't work out... Would I do it again probably not...Do I regret I did it No I don't...

Either way you are one classy lady

SuzQ good for your friend for ripping him a new one and good for you for letting him apologize and standing up for yourself. You deserved a lot better than a text but I think I would have shoved whatever he offered up his...well won't go there.

Personally I think you deserved much better than the treatment you got. Not just because I like you and think you are AWESOME person (Seriously) but because no one deserves to be used and cast aside because it might take some effort to share one of the Valley's of life. He owed you at the very least and explanation and being man enough to say goodbye. Not wondering what the heck? That speaks to a absence of basic human decency that I would move on from but certainly not endorse by excusing it. Dirty behavior deserves a lot more consequences than and *** chewing and an uncomfortable lame apology by what a text. Block his number and go out and do the happy dance tonight that you not only survived this arsehole but you triumphed. Better yet you are free to have a good person.

And he, well Karma is still going to find this sad excuse for a human being. What goes around comes around. Don't kid yourself your friend will be sure and rub it in when Mr. Wonderful finds you and he is still pathetic.

A ..coin has two sides...Oui

you're right, he did and I think part of the stress he did not want to bother you with was another woman. That is really the only reason guys simply vanish unless someone shoots them (and even then their cousin will call and tell you ). Do what you think is best for you. Remember tho he ain't changing, He will do it again.

you're right, he did and I think part of the stress he did not want to bother you with was another woman. That is really the only reason guys simply vanish unless someone shoots them (and even then their cousin will call and tell you ). Do what you think is best for you. Remember tho he ain't changing, He will do it again.

You women crack me up...

Well considering fact that he ain't dead..what excuse you think he has? Loony bin? Jail?

Pick me pick me I know. .lol

OMG...the OLE --- 'I DID IT TO SAVE YOU HEARTACHE AND EMOTIONAL PAIN' ploy!
And then just vanished as if nothing you two had shared meant *SNAP* to him!!! GOOD GRIEF

I'll agree; with all of the prior post about your resolve and fortitude and 'CLASS ACT' woman!
He is not worthy - shake him off like dandruff and continue on; the adventure awaits and good things are coming your way!
I FEEL IT!

THAT is something we know...it's just whether you know honestly......would you buck up a jerk just 'cos he's man?

that's a rhetorical question. I am not necessarily saying this guy of hers is a jerk (even tho it sounds like it)

No but ...sometimes Telling a hard truth is hard to do......Not That I ! Would know about that...