Hi people. I just want to ask what you have done in the past once the intimacy starts to diminish the longer you are with someone. It happens to all of us, things are hot and heavy in the beginning during the honeymoon period but once the "honeymoon" is over, the flame begins to cool down. Anyone have any ideas as to what can be done if this happens? I would like to get a ladies' perspective.

was married for 13 1/2 years
only time the flame died was when i found out she was cheating on me
<shrug>

Wish I could help. My own experiences have all been more extreme, or bizarre, unfortunately.

I have now developed a phobia against going for counselling, because all of the times I gamely tried such, the counselling made things much worse. And then I had to pay for it too.

Really, I figure it's like any problem. You need to carefully look at WHAT is going on, figure out WHY it's going on, and then take logical and appropriate action. No rocket science involved, just the trickiest thing of all: open and honest communication.

Think creative, use your imagination. Talk about your likes and her likes. The best advice that was given to me was dont leave it till your in the bedroom. Start in the morning eg show her you love her in things like a cup of coffee, do things with her. Look after her and she will move mountains for you.
If you end up with heaps of kids its not my fault.
Sorry Dat what you went through. No one deserves that.

The intimacy has never decreased but increased as time went on with my relationships.
That cool down has never happend from my side coz i love passion, romance & love in a relationship all the time & to keep that spark alive.

If you're feeling that way, communication with her could help & do what it takes to spark it back up.

Broke up with them?
I never wanted marriage or kids.
So....that probably doesn't help you.


There's a biological reason for this.
Some have called it the "7 year itch" but it's more like the "4-7 year itch, but really about the 4-5 year itch with social momentum keeping people together for an additional couple of years until the unhappiness outweighs the positives to the relationship and the unhappiness is enough to break any social taboos, and the itch measures from the time you fall in love not the time you walk down the aisle."


Sure! It's quite easy!
All you have to do is trick yourself in believing and seeing that the person is a viable mate, a good parent, sex is leading to pregnancy, that you can't do any better, and younger women aren't prettier.

It's easier to trick yourself if you aren't that smart or if you've had kids together.

Love and romantic relationships revolve around procreation.
Not your emotional actualization.

Yeppers it sure did... He was cheating


The flame really cool down or instead of alot of lets hurry up and bump uglies every day it turns to more of let's take our time and really explore and know one another. Lets see how hot we can make each other so it is uniquely satisfying to one another. That we don't have to do it daily or 3x a day...


Anyone have any ideas as to what can be done if this happens? I would like to get a ladies' perspective.


I would first make sure my guy isn't exhausted from physical labour of his work. I would also make damn sure that I have been willing and giving off the right signals.. IF all of those things are fine.. I would start with meeting him at the door in his dress shirt with a only a button or two buttoned.. and Go from there.

If there became a serious problem we would be having a come to Jesus meeting and most likely a doctor to make sure everything in still in good working order..


NOw all jest aside I would "talk" to him.. I believe the key to any great relationship is communications.

Had a similar experience & the feeling was like a knife cutting through the heart just the same way when a hot knife goes through Butter

In my second marriage, the flame never died.

Married for 21 that area was never an issue. As suggested there maybe other issues interfering in your love life

I ain't no lady but I have some perspective on this.

It is biology, friend. The chemicals even out and real life permeates your brain chemistry. This is when people find out whether or not they actually "love" each other.

Imagine wanting pizza more than anything. Now imagine eating nothing but pizza every day. It's great in the beginning but after a while you aren't looking at pizza the same way. You no longer appreciate it's soft tender crust, warm gooey cheese, succulent toppings, it's ability to get there in 30 minutes or less.

So it goes with people.

Assuming your desire for "passion and intimacy" is not your way of saying sexual congress, I submit the following:

Get out from under each other's ***** and do your own thing once in a while.

Then when y'all get home ask her how her day/evening was and LISTEN to her answer.

When she is finished, embrace her. Then kiss her for a long time. But don't be trying to "get a little". Let that woman feel your passion for her, not your hands groping her boobies.

Then stop. Tell her you're glad she enjoyed her day out. Tell her you missed her but she looked real pretty with that smile on her face.

Look at her in silence for a long minute, tell her you dig her, then leave the room.

You have just created passion!

(And if I assumed wrongly about you, yes, sex may be a byproduct. But that is not the goal of this exercise).

Point is:

When you make someone feel good about themselves, they feel good about YOU!

And when your romantic partner feels good about you, it lends greatly to passion and intimacy (yes, sex too).

I would be shocked if any 2 mates had the exact same level of
desires after the initial heat.

Life steps in.
Pressures come from many sides.

If you have enough love between you, the ebb and flow of passion
is seen as part of the whole.

That does not need a cure.

If your perception of it, however, feels..awry, then I would
suggest something romantic..putting someone in the mood is most
of the game :-)

I found this as well, but I haven't been in a ten year relationship so that could be why.

the passion got better and we always did little things that made it better and more exciting, we never discussed it, those other little things just came naturally to both of us.

when we used to go on evenings out, I would wear no underwear, not all the time else it would have got predictable and boring, no one else would know, but him when I gave him hints that drove him crazy.

and just other little things,like leaving notes in his lunch box

I don't think it generally happens after the 'honey moon' period, not that fast.
I agree with the others, it has a lot to do with what you do yourself to keep things spicy and what you do to keep and feel attractive. I think at some point a lot of people let that slide in a relationship. Basically unbuckle the belt and let the beer-belly flop out, not caring anymore. Not meant literally per say, figure of speech.
That kind of attitude will kill the flame for both. If you don't feel & act attractive, your partner won't feel attracted either.

I think mostly things become more difficult after approx. 7 years. The 7 year itch...

Apart from that:
- children
- age, esp when the woman is in her 40s-50s - her sexual peak
- sex drives too different (which you may not notice at first)
- sexual desires too different (which you may not notice at first)
- poor communication
- physical problems / tired from work

My mom always told me...The easy part is getting someone..the hard part is keeping them!
You have to do things to make your mate know how you feel. Women think with their heart and men think with their stuff below the belt. Even if you have kids, you need a date night. You have to keep the spice in your relationship. Make them feel loved and appreciated.
If you don't keep them happy...someone will.

Your mom was pulling your leg Both men and women think with their brains!

If the flame dies, start it up again. Be adventurous. If you haven't been initimate with her for quite some time, then time to liven it up. Do it unexpectedly. Spice things up in the bedroom department.

I'm going with get a younger hotter model... final answer..

^

OP : Go back to the basics!

I'd focus on YOU before HER, you can't change thr way she feels, but you can change you, I have a buddy who said the same things, "my wife couldn't keep her hands off me....now...." I was looking yeah but when they first got together he was about 80lbs lighter, he hung out with hus buddies at least once a week, and he would go and do things apart from her......

now all he did was watch tv, eat, and lay around thr house and wondering why his wife lost interest, its not really surprising, so here's my advice, try to remember what YOU were doing then, and start trying to incorporate thise back into your life, don't feel bad about coming home an hour later because you want to hit the gym on the way home, don't feel bad about planning a "me" weekend on occasion, you'll have something to talk to her about later. almost all the couples I know that work do their own thing at least once a week