My partner of almost 7 years has developed a very close relationship with a co worker. It started in the summer of 2014 with them going hiking on my weekends to work. And became a regular event that included an overnight hike in a small tent. They spend a lot of times together and my partner stated they have a lot of interests in common. We almost split up over the holidays over my jealousy. I went to counseling for my problem and last Wednesday, while I thought they were at a class of of town they were out to eat, had drinks and decided to go to a movie together. Neither of them told me where they were and didn't answer texts because they were at a movie... I flipped out and am leaving. That was a date and crossed the line because both know I have suspicions. I was at work 12 hours and had to run home to deal with our pets and chickens and she arrived home at midnight, defiant that I was pissed off. Am I making more of it than necessary? Or am I right?

I'd hire a private investigator if I was fed all of those .....excuses. Or better yet. Let him have her and walk. No, run. Screw the counseling. Why do you put yourself through all that trauma?

You have made an effort to control your jealousy - where is the effort to ensure your peace of mind from your partner??

there needs to be a big talk over this - at the very least.

get it sorted - to your liking or get the H*** out of there..

Relationship/marriage counseling can only be successful if both of you attend and participate equally. I know, I went to marriage counseling by myself. It was unsuccessful. You're probably paying a good deal of money for counseling. It's unfair to say he's cheating or not without having seen him and his 'friend' together in the act or hearing his side of the story. That being said, it's almost worse than a strictly sexual trist if he has such feelings for her that he has to lie about being with her. He has to know that would only fuel your jealousy, maybe that's why he suggested you go to therapy, so he can spend more time with her. It sounds like he doesn't care about your feelings until he has to hear you complain that you have them. I'm sorry.

she never said "he"... sounds more like a "she" problem to me...

That's been going on for a while if you ask me? Why didn't they invite you out on the hike if they had nothing to hide? If he did that to you, he'll probably do that to her also, or she'll do it to him? You're better off without him anyway!

Wow!!...Making more of it than necessary?...Hardly...I think the overnight "hike" was a pivotal point for you, your partner and her "friend"...Even so, it might be wise if the three of you to talk "together" before you burn your bridges...It's always easier to move on when you have closure... Good luck!!

I don't want to make it sound worse than it might actually be bit I went thru something similar with my now ex. He was a truck driver and met a woman at the airport where he was working. For the furst 2 months he didn't tell her he was married. We weren't fighting because of her yet.but one night he had the nerce to tell me if he wasn't married to me he'd be with her. After being mareied to him gor 27 years that hutt. Anyway long story short he finally introduced us and we became friends. After a while she stopped talking to both of us. I found out when he asked me for a divorce after we were separated for 2 months that they'd been texting in secret for 6 months. As soon as I moved out she moved in. I wasn't able to hide my jealousy or insecurities because of the kind if relationship they had. Peoole say trust your gut instinct and its true. My instincts told me something was going on and I was right. You know deep inside why you're feeling the way you do

ohhh..sure everybody goes hiking and has sleepovers with there coworkers... it's common place..
.. going out for dinner.. and movies and even holding hands in public...
. don't all coworkers do this...wow..

Sorry that you are going through this. Trust your gut

I share your pain and empathize with your situation. I offer some words I wrote recently to someone that I believe will help you get some perspective.

This is my belief. You may take it as your own or not.

Trust and Jealousy

I believe jealousy comes from a lack in trust in another person. I do not believe that I express jealousy towards someone if I love them.

I trust that they are behaving in a way that is respectful to me and to our relationship. If I feel they are being disrespectful to me and our relationship I talk to them about it.


It is not about jealousy. It is about the pain of being disrespected by a woman I love. If she shows her affections to another man inappropriately there is something wrong in the relationship that needs to be discussed.

I believe that any loving relationship is worthy of efforts to make sure that we don't have problems. If we have problems we use trust as a basis to work them out.

If we have true love we can expect our partner to offer and give forgiveness for any mistakes or errors or hurt that we put up on the other. We are humans and are bound to make mistakes. It is beyond being human (divine) to allow a place for forgiveness. That makes us better than just humans.

I believe you have to have trust as the basis for any relationship. As you read in my profile I say this explicitly. I expect that we would have trust and there would be no reason to have jealousy if we have trust right.

bye now...

when your partner chooses their own way far from you , then it's a point of no return , no matter what you do .... they ( he or she ) had enough time to reconsider and think about their decision carefully , they are just not brave enough to tell you about it , what's done is done .
get over it and look for someone else .

Time to be your own person, make a stand....but it appears to be obvious.....move forward....now....so sad..

hahahaha..

I can understand the OPs dilemma though... some are very good at twisting and turning the truth so you end up thinking YOU are the problem. Some ppl can be extremely manipulative...

I'd say: Kick his sorry @$$ out!
And yes, it's sad, but letting a man treat you like shite is even worse.

Love the celtic

Why are you going to counseling for jealousy that is a normal behavior when your significant other is blatantly cheating on you??? Whether they deny it or not I think it crosses the line when they do thing together+overnight+in the same tent.

You never neglect the chickens. That is grounds for a breakup right there. All that spending the night in a tent, hiking on your weekends while you work, dinner and movies....those things are just hearsay.

There's no he involved. It's she
She and she.