as i sit on this vast family estate running cross the gulf and coast. traded custom tooth whitening trays for a cigarette. daddy's in the hospital again. the finest meals i prepare have been here. though i don't feel like eating. taking it in, watching the dog drink from the well.

i searched for love and company like a lost little girl homesick for what. probably the kind of girl that'll get married round fifty or never.

oh, and sorry, i didn't mean to mislead. looking a little more like britney spears today yet i have been nurtured. visiting with friends who never said bye. seeing the face of grand daddy never in the faces of children.

suppose i'll be visiting health and fitness post sometime later.

awwww, sweetie you got a great heart. *hugs* sorry to hear about your dad. I highly doubt it'll take you that long to find a good man either. Sometimes you get to go with the flow, and sometimes the current drags you down. The trick is to stand your ground, and let everything go around you :)

we are dynamic beings, that means that no matter what we need to keep moving. in order to reach this objective we need to leave things where they belong. yesterday in the past, today in the present, and tomorrow in the future.
if we are living today and we are slaves of the past we are not going to move forward. if we are obssesed with the future, we are not going to live today to the fullest.
and the only way to heal as an integral unity, we need to let go the past which means whatever wrong was made to us it has to be forgiven, we need to have enough inner peace to keep moving towards tomorrow.

you guys are awesome. thank you for your kindness

as god as my witness

Reading your words, I smile.

Reminiscent of times, that wander through my history.

Sharing her-story, I thankyou.

i would love to be able to make peace with my very abusive past then maby i could truly trust and love again
till then its just me and nikon

you will trust and love again shutter..don't ever give up hope

thanks kate, its hard after what i went through as a kid with a step monster

We've all had to let go of the past. I've learned that it's ok to glance back every now and then; but today I choose not to stare at it. I've made a lot of mistakes; my road was not the same as many of you. Sometimes, even when I'm in pain, I least I know I'm alive. And I'm grateful that I've come through it all today I'm the woman I always wanted to be.

good for you twitch nice to know it does happen

I am the sum total of all that came before, and all yet to be...

I refuse none of it...

For in all of it was a blessing....sometimes hidden, sometimes shining clear...even the blackest of times....became a blessing.


I am ALL of me.

have only told two people this but here goes
my mom left when i was 3 never came back wegot a step mom who did drugs she drank,used to beat me with electric cords,hotwheels tracks,sticks,fist, sexualy abused me bit me clawed me brought her girl friends over let them tie me up whip me what ever they wanted i ve had a knife held to my throat
threated to be killed if i told.i have scares down my back on my legs thats why i wont take my shirt off in the summer wont wear shorts thats of it wont tell the rest

Jesse -- I agree with you. You said that so beautifully. There's a song by Stevie Nicks "Life Is A *****" -- "if I had the chance I'd do it all again". I own my past and I make excuses to no one.

Shutter -- how terrible. I can't imagine what you've gone through. I'm sorry you hurt.

i understand some of these things. they are ugly and beyond any reason we could ever contain in our hearts and innocent minds.

i'm not sure what really helps. what happens along the way to remind us over and over again differently to smile and laugh trust anyway. have to be strong and weak all at once.

and thanks again ((((jess)))

Talking helps and realizing none of us are alone. There's always a hand close by when you need one -- there's hands reaching out right in this discussion.

thanks twitch for the words

I am blessed to have such a wonderful childhood. I think all you can do is not let your past affect how you react with the present. Even though my past does affect me...I try to be the perfect mother like my mom was
I wish you all peace in your minds and forgiveness in your hearts, I think sometimes the past makes people stronger.
God Bless