I'm hoping the men here can shed some light on this.
Me and friends have noticed that it seems to be very difficult to get an actual appointment/date with a man. They often cancel last minute or suddenly disappear into thin air.

I would like to know from men why you cancel or simply disappear into oblivion while YOU were the ones to initiate contact, and YOU were also the ones to come up with the idea of meeting, not the woman.

I've been there myself a number of times now and I just don't understand. I don't push, have no expectations, other than a nice afternoon/evening.
I get plenty of men contacting me and after some convo telling me they would like to meet, but I'm getting more and more reluctant because of this BS all the time.
It's the reason why I stopped dating completely for a few months. And now I'd like to, but get this shite again.

So, men, please enlighten me! Is it part of some game you play? Or wot?
I really seriously would like some insight here!

I have not dated anyone from this site, but I have not canceled on anyone either. Unless there was an emergency with one of my kids, I would not cancel. That hasn't happened yet.

The guys maybe hiding something: perhaps the photo is from 10 years ago? lol And unless we both know the rules of any game, I would not play with anyone's feelings. I don't think is a game.

So, my guess, they got something to hide: big time!

I don't do that Crystal. If I make a date with a woman I'll be there. Did have a date cancel on me recently though. She was just some nutter with problems that was looking for a bloke to take her mind off them or something.

So, sorry but I can't enlighten you why dates keep canceling on you and all I can say about that is that you're obviously picking losers there that don't know how to treat a lady.

Yeah, I understand some men (here) don't do that, but that's not what I wanna know :/
As for the rest, please read the OP: I don't pick anyone. MEN initiate contact, MEN want to meet. And it doesn't just happen to me, it happens to many women, so it seems to be a pattern.
I want insight in why, how and what.

I've been dealing with that for a couple months now. Same guy. I finally told him to just leave me alone and he acted like he was confused as to why.

Hmmmm. I've never had this kind of trouble setting a date. They would always show up. Maybe they're more nervous than they let on. Maybe they don't really want to date. Just a few more clue's as to why they may do that. Did you ask them why they did this? Stuff is all too easy to say over a computer. I'd make it clear that if they don't show up, after arranging a date, then they are outta luck. I'm a no-nonsense type of woman, so would have a hard time trusting the man, if he did that to me.

I know what you mean! It's happened to me.... They talk a good game, Let's make plans to go here.. then they disappear!

Now, I only agree to a date if we have been talking for a while.

The men may be initiating and asking you out Crystal but you are still choosing which ones that you reply to and agree to go out with. I think that it's certainly a possibility that it's just that your taste in men is terrible. Either that or you're too much woman for them and they chicken out like sissy little cowards. I wouldn't do that. If I had a date with a lady like you I would be really excited about it and I would be there early and everything. That way I can have a drink at the bar before I meet you.

Of course I don't know you or anything, but judging from your profile and pictures, I think it's a safe bet that you are an attractive independent woman. Honestly, that scares the hell out of most men because they can't handle a woman who can handle herself. Not bashing genders or anything, just stating a life observation.

That's dirty pool Crystal... Real men don't pull chit like that. A real man would cherish the opportunity to spend time with a lovely dame that he found interesting.. and initiated contact with.
They are Internet lurking trolls... paying sites have em, free sites have more of em. Real life losers that can only navigate their deceit under the umbrella of anonymity.
I won't date anyone from the net... I won't date 100% strangers either.

This, after my last experience, you can Chisel in stone!

Goes to show u to just set dates with girls lololol jkjk

I stopped wanting to date anyone from the internet, because it's way more easy for them to pull the wool over anyone's eye's, when they're sat behind a screen. And they'll never feel guilty for it. I only come on here now to speak to my buddies. I think I just felt not so trusting of dating site's anymore.

Well, this is the problem. The women get fed up with all of the creeps and time wasters and do a Tee and become time wasters themselves that won't make a date, or they just join the hordes of other ones that won't meet anyone from the internet whatever you say to them and they only come on here to chat. The guys get fed up with that and conclude that the whole thing is a waste of time. There really aren't that many people on here that are on here to meet people. I know this from chatting with hundreds of time wasters. I've never been stood up though and even if I was, so what? I would be a bit fed up about it but just go for a drink since I was out anyway and maybe meet another bird in a pub. Another good reason not to drag it out with the emails. Don't form emotional atatchments on the internet with people that you may never even get to meet.

Thank you Totage, very insightful, and honest! Appreciate that a lot!
And very good point. I think maybe many might be attracted by an attractive and independent woman at first, but maybe when they think about actually meeting for real, they soil their pants and chicken out?

@ Tee, yeah, it sux don't it!

@ Shy Emo Chick, asked them? No. If the last communication was along the lines of him getting back to me on setting a date , I'm not going to chase after him. Obviously he changed his mind/wasn't serious to begin with/ or ... / or ... :/

First time I had this happen, was when I was a dating-site noob. Guy wanted to meet me, we were about to set a date/time, then I got a message he wanted to cancel cos he'd been in touch with someone else for a while and they had decided to give it a whirl. Think that's part of it too, men spread their interests and contact god knows how many women. So maybe if they spot me, they have an interest, but they might already be seriously dating/chatting/be involved with someone else.
At least that one guy was decent enough to inform me.

Oh yeah, we chat with other women. No point in putting all of your eggs in one basket when someone that you're chatting with won't just make a date. Been there and done that. Doesn't matter how gorgeous and sexy you are Crystal because a guy can't know if you'll ever make up your mind.

I'll be honest. I do recall getting as far as a phone call with one once and then telling her that I wasn't sure that I wanted to date her after all and that I was chatting with someone else. Well, I got sucked into playing the dumb connection building game with the other one and she seemed quite sexy and up for it. The one that I knocked back was still married though. Then I got totally f**ked about by the connection builder and she even canceled a date with me because she said that it was her time of the month. For f**k's sake. She totally did my head in with all of her teasing and roadblocking and excuses and then another girl just came along and asked me out. Not for some dumb coffee gig either. She just jumped on the bus and even though I was still into the other one I wasn't going to say no to just meeting a girl off the bus because I had to take the dog out for a walk anyway.

Women whom collectivise men as a grouping with common traits are being arrogant and dismissive.

Try some empathy in your life. What is a condition where you would blow off a date with someone after it is made? Don't be arrogant and dismissive and say "I'd never do that" because it's a vain lie. Find a reason that you would.

Say, just after someone set a date with you they punched an old lady in the face for no reason then swore at you viciously, also for no reason. Would you still attend the date? No.
So the answer to why someone blows off a date with another person would be because they realized they didn't really like them very much, yes?

And you can use exactly the same system to figure out why someone would blow you off without telling you, and simply not turn up. Why might you do this to someone? Again, don't be vain and lie, find a reason.
Say you quickly learned with a new person that whenever you said something they didn't like, or didn't agree with, or just shows a completely different point of view or set of values than theirs, they started punching you repeatedly in the face. You'd say nothing to them even if you disagreed with them about something, right? You'd just keep silent and leave them behind at the earliest opportunity, right?
So the answer to why someone blows off a date without even telling the other person would be because they found them unreasonable and disturbing, where it was much easier and more positive to say nothing and simply do their own thing, yes?

OMG, "men" aren't such a mystery after all. We're actually people, not aliens.

i beg the men who do that are using fake profiles so they might be running away from reality lol

Totage, nice to see you back mon!!!!
~~~
I take it like a man, no showee, no caree.

Well, Vanaheim is right there. The longer you chat with someone, the more chance there is that you're going to say something that puts them off. So yeah, if you are a "strong independant woman" it's quite likely that a guy will think that you're going to be too much like hard work and he might think that you're overopinionated, abrasive, or whatever. I get it too because I'm not a crawler that gives women a lot of flattery or puts them on a pedestal.

I've seen your profile. It would appear to me as though the ones leading you on are the ones missing out.
Hang in there.