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| Topic: Difficult to get a date set with men | |
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I'm hoping the men here can shed some light on this. Me and friends have noticed that it seems to be very difficult to get an actual appointment/date with a man. They often cancel last minute or suddenly disappear into thin air. I would like to know from men why you cancel or simply disappear into oblivion while YOU were the ones to initiate contact, and YOU were also the ones to come up with the idea of meeting, not the woman. I've been there myself a number of times now and I just don't understand. I don't push, have no expectations, other than a nice afternoon/evening. I get plenty of men contacting me and after some convo telling me they would like to meet, but I'm getting more and more reluctant because of this BS all the time. It's the reason why I stopped dating completely for a few months. And now I'd like to, but get this shite again. So, men, please enlighten me! Is it part of some game you play? Or wot? I really seriously would like some insight here! 
That is the trouble you females get by trying to date male Humans instead of male Melmacians. 
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Women whom collectivise men as a grouping with common traits are being arrogant and dismissive. Try some empathy in your life. What is a condition where you would blow off a date with someone after it is made? Don't be arrogant and dismissive and say "I'd never do that" because it's a vain lie. Find a reason that you would. Say, just after someone set a date with you they punched an old lady in the face for no reason then swore at you viciously, also for no reason. Would you still attend the date? No. So the answer to why someone blows off a date with another person would be because they realized they didn't really like them very much, yes? And you can use exactly the same system to figure out why someone would blow you off without telling you, and simply not turn up. Why might you do this to someone? Again, don't be vain and lie, find a reason. Say you quickly learned with a new person that whenever you said something they didn't like, or didn't agree with, or just shows a completely different point of view or set of values than theirs, they started punching you repeatedly in the face. You'd say nothing to them even if you disagreed with them about something, right? You'd just keep silent and leave them behind at the earliest opportunity, right? So the answer to why someone blows off a date without even telling the other person would be because they found them unreasonable and disturbing, where it was much easier and more positive to say nothing and simply do their own thing, yes? OMG, "men" aren't such a mystery after all. We're actually people, not aliens. Hoity-toity! Who woke you up and kicked you in the nut? I'm just asking an open honest question cos I would like some insight. Could do without the aggressive approach and judgement. Vain, lie, arrogant? Charming! I don't go about contacting men, telling them I really like them, would like to meet them, try to get a date set and then suddenly disappear of their radar. If I really like to meet a guy, I want to meet that guy. Period. Then it's not sudden radio silence without any reason whatsoever. I'd say that would be pretty rude! So clearly women and men don't function the same way, as I wasn't just talking about what happened to me, but what I've heard from other women as well. And I never got stood-up, as in a guy not showing on a date. Please read what I'm saying and asking about, don't make up your own story. And keep the male ego zipped up. If you can't even tell the difference between an honest open question with serious interest and gender bashing, maybe you better not participate in a conversation. |
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Not sure what else to say about it Crystal and I doubt that you care about my opinion anyway. The men are just "pushier", or more "agressive" than your average woman and fools rush in and all that. I don't contact any woman that I wouldn't like to meet. It isn't so much of a numbers game for me though because I only really date locally. If I ask a woman out or she asks me out and we have a date I keep it but that's it and a lot of these email exchanges just go nowhere and one or other of us stops replying. That's just me though. I told you that I chatted with a "seperated" married woman on the phone and we discussed meeting up but didn't actually make a date. I wasn't really sure about her at all and then I got chatting with someone else that seemed more like what I was looking for. I haven't done too badly on here as far as getting dates goes but I still never count on it happening when I talk to them and I try not to get my hopes up too much because it is upsetting if you do and it doesn't happen. I just don't expect anything until it happens and neither should you.
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the simple answer:
their posted pics were taken 15 years ago and nearly everything they told you was a lie. now you know... 
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Yeah, I understand some men (here) don't do that, but that's not what I wanna know :/ As for the rest, please read the OP: I don't pick anyone. MEN initiate contact, MEN want to meet. And it doesn't just happen to me, it happens to many women, so it seems to be a pattern. I want insight in why, how and what. they enjoy the flirtation but are married or have something else that they are hiding (the ones that do that)they are older , taller, shorter, younger, heavier, skinnier....whatever...something he did not tell you or they are scammers |
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1. The guy is married or involved and is just trying to stroke his ego. He thinks he wants to have something on the side but once the time comes to put up, he wimps out.
2. The guy is talking to multiple chicks, has one favorite and tries to keep the others hanging on. 3. The guy can be a total chick magnet online but is so afraid of actually meeting a girl face to face. Or, another way to put it....he loves to live in the fantasy realm but the real world scares the piss out of him. Just my thoughts..... 
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Well, this is true. I don't even flirt that much with them. It's cheesy. Women that I've dated haven't complained about guys doing what you're saying, so maybe that's your answer. You and your friends like smarmy types.
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1. The guy is married or involved and is just trying to stroke his ego. He thinks he wants to have something on the side but once the time comes to put up, he wimps out. 2. The guy is talking to multiple chicks, has one favorite and tries to keep the others hanging on. 3. The guy can be a total chick magnet online but is so afraid of actually meeting a girl face to face. Or, another way to put it....he loves to live in the fantasy realm but the real world scares the piss out of him. Just my thoughts.....
this is why I prefer to meet as friends (and avoid meals) - it lessens the "expectations" and we can both just be ourselves. it's always nice to make a new friend and if more comes of it great. if not, one could do LOTS worse than gaining a great new friend.
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Instead if thinking of it as a negative u should think of it as a positive. U probably just dodged a big bullet. Probably had chloroform waiting.
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1. The guy is married or involved and is just trying to stroke his ego. He thinks he wants to have something on the side but once the time comes to put up, he wimps out. 2. The guy is talking to multiple chicks, has one favorite and tries to keep the others hanging on. 3. The guy can be a total chick magnet online but is so afraid of actually meeting a girl face to face. Or, another way to put it....he loves to live in the fantasy realm but the real world scares the piss out of him. Just my thoughts.....
Think you have some good points here. I think nr. 2 esp could be a reason why this thing happens a lot to women. But still kinda weird, cos you wouldn't really start talking about meeting so soon if you were just trying to keep ppl hanging on. Then you'd try to chat them up a bit, that's it. That's what I would do in such a case, I wouldn't suggest meeting almost straight away :/ Oh well, I suppose at some point I'll meet someone who does put his money where his mouth is. |
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It is weird Crystal. You have to bear in mind though that an internet date is like a blind date. Most of the women that I've dated in my life have been total strangers and not people that I knew before I dated them. I just don't find it scarey at all. I'm fast with women if you like. A lot of guys are. A guy like me isn't so complicated really. "She's nice and she'll do". That's how your guy that doesn't just talk the talk thinks.
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