yes i am married but very unhapply now.
we got married 21 years ago last month on the 20 of jan
it has been a rocky road for me. no us only downs we dont have kids
did try but she could not have them and did try to adoptbut that was too costly so we had animals as our kids hey it works for us.
ok now lets hit the wayback machine she was 30 same as me whatcome
along severe rumatoid arthuritis aka severe ra ok lets go to the present day now of 51 for her and me she is now confind to a wheelchair
all the time yes she has had the best drs but because her ra is so advanced. theres nothing to be done she can no longer walk beside me
oh yes incase any of you ask she has had the best meds out there
ecept for the oviouse ones for certain reasons we all know why on that
so i have been though alot these past years with her she has had pcs
workers comming into take care of her butshehas gotten rid of them for silly reasons i wont go into detail here. now the other question sex whats that we havenot had that scince just before my dad passed away
that was in 07 my mom passed in 2012 so its been hard on us yes im a man like everyman has needs. she recently go figure told meto go out and find someone else so thats what i ahve been doing havent found no one yet maybe some one will have pitty on this old fool and show mercy by the grace of god oh and for the record to all other men in this forum im not in the least gay so dont try to hit me up like on the other sites i have been so you can see what i have been though
its not easy takeing care of her 247 love well that been shot to hell
would i miss her hell no and like my mom had said to me one time if i knewwhat would happen would have i married her the answer is **** no
but i did so now its time for me to figure out what to do with her now because i have done all i can for her now i have to worry about the rest of my life before my time is up. i still have not had the fun i wanted to do yes i have talked with therapised and conuslers
but none ofthat works and i hate takeing thouse stupid med they make me feel funny i hate them. so with all that and me being a us army vet plus a 5th generation freemason. wholy!! that y imhere looking for a fresh new start i hope please excuse the spelling iut been awhile. well ttfn as a freind of mine once said ENJOY!!

Hard to read, bad spelling indeed, get the general gist though.
And what a story. So you're hoping to find a new love here and start a new life? Then why bother with this sob-story? You could've sufficed with saying "my marriage has fallen apart, it was tough as my wife got ill. I want to move on with my life and so on and so forth".
Do you think victimizing yourself will make you attractive and women will flock to you to give you the love you think you deserve?
Don't know what meds you're on, not clear what's wrong with you.
I think it's awful how you talk, think and feel about your wife!
Total lack of respect.

Hmmmmm.
We can see all the reasoning.
But we have not walked a mile in your shoes,
so I am unsure what we can offer.

It is one of those scenarios without a good,
solid, easy-to-see solution.

We all want to believe that we are as strong
as the words 'In sickness and in health' but
then reality rears its head.

It would appear that you are done with your wife.
You want to have someone to love and be loved by
before you die.

Whatever advice you get from strangers, they have
not lead your life or had your specific problems,
so beware of the easy fix.

Best of luck, and Welcome :-)

I think the water's boiling again..lol

And what kind of woman in her right mind, is really gonna want a married man? Are you kidding me? I have absolutely no sympathy for you at all. I don't care if that makes me sound like Simon Cowell, but you must be insane if you think single women are gonna offer themselves to you. Men like you disgust me. And that's putting it mildly. However, I do feel sorry for wife. I hope she divorces you. She deserves a caring guy. I tell ya what, you can't truly love her, if you want to pretend she doesn't exist. No matter how much you may try to ham up your story, you're only gonna attract used goods. Be careful that this doesn't come back and bite your *** on the way out. You don't sound very caring.

My support to you and your wife in resolving this terrible situation you have found yourselves in for many many years. RA is a cruel and heartless disease and I can tell you both have had a very long haul.

I understand both of your suffering, loss, grief, depression, frustration, and what clearly is rage. You have ever right as primary caregiver to feel overwhelmed and ask for help.

I don't think trying to find someone for a side relationship is going to be fair to anyone involved. Even with the support of family and friends who really understand it would still be a poor solution. While you are angry now that will pass and you will most likely feel guilt, shame, and probably a profound sense of failure. I think that because being a Military man and Mason has instilled in you values of loyalty, honor, and duty and you haven't run away for a very long time.

What you are describing in your wife's behavior is also a lot of self hatred pushing competent caregivers aside and trying to force you into the role of 24/7 nurse rather than spouse. It is a natural response to when the violation of care is so profound. Especially when you probably are much better skilled, maybe even gentle, than many you have to use. Sounds like for many years you made the best out of a bad situation and now that even that situation had degraded to such a severe state.

I agree that the medication you have been offered is a poor solution many times. If it prevents some serious secondary problems like ulcers, hypertension, depression, and a host of life threatening "caregiver syndrome" symptons but it often does take "fine tuning" so I would encourage you to return to your doctor and tell them how you are struggling.

I would also encourage you to go to a caregiver support group either in person or on line. There are many people who are in the widows forums that know exactly what some of your pain is about. They may have some great suggestions. I know there are many caregivers on this site also so tapping into their experience may make things more tolerable. You are not the first to find yourself in this tusami of life circumstances and it is not just misery loving company but real life support and solution oriented help from spouses and caregivers. It is often great fellowship in this lonely lonely journey and you can find companionship that will allow you at least a modecome of normalcy where the groups often celebrate holidays and some of the unique victories that other's don't understand.

I would encourage you NOT to think you will never be happy or that nobody cares. Or that everything is hopeless when we are so very close to conquering RA. Now you are exhausted and need true comfort not confederated comfort that will make you feel even more cheated by life.

Since your wife has suggested you step out of the relationship you may want to have a serious conversation about just that. Many marriages do NOT survive catestrophic illness. For some divorce is a solution for BOTH sides. It is possible when both of you can live in your own worlds you might actually get past the anger and pain and be better friends. Better able to cope and provide rather than resent her and destroy your dignity. Many ex-spouses don't abandon their person but actually find renewed strength to advocate and find workable solutions. Believe me many people divorce for far less noble reasons. I would warn you to think about the financial ramifications and talk to a family advocate an skilled arbitrator so that neither of you take unnessecasary hits since she may have to move to quality institutional care but I know persons with profound impairments that actually were better off than living in and environment where the spouse had been crushed under the extended assault that 24/7 care puts forward. OP I get too many people ignore what used to be months of "until death do us part" has now turned into decades. I also there is a big different in a smart articulate sexy Push-Girl you see on TV and a screaming, combative, suffering, and often incontenient, dellusional patient that will not allow you 20 minutes to even meet your own needs 24/7. Maybe a few who actually read this might be a little more sympathetic when they think about your real road in life.

Might be a good time to dial 211 from any ATT phone nation wide and ask for referrals. Ask specifically for the Independent Living Network in your area as that will help with caregiver relief. Also AARP or your state of regional offices for Arthritis Association. I would even consider the Alzheimer offices because they have great referrals. I would not skip the local Parks and Recreation Centers either. Even if your spouse won't go you will meet age appropriate people. I hope this is helpful . Will keep you in prayers.