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| Topic: Why don't more men have custody of their kids? | |
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As u say KLC!!!
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Exactly KLC!!!
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I think the default should be shared custody as close to 50/50 as possible. A child needs both parents unless one or the other proves to be abusive in some way. Nobody wins if a child loses a parent because they couldn't be big enough to put their differences behind them in the best interests of the child. Usually, these huge battles over custody in court are more about one of the adults trying to take out hurt and anger on the other adult. It's the child that suffers the consequences, though. More people should work out custody arrangements with the help of a mediator than battling it out in court where everyone loses financially and emotionally.
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Sometimes they are bias!!! For that reason, when I hear men cry 'bias', I dont give it merit. They are typically leaving out the negative factors that came to light before the judge. While I think a few spoiled pampered brats get a divorce when they get a hang nail the majority of divorces are in the best interest of everyone. Better to be from a broken home than live in one. Children learn what they live. If it is not in the best interest of the child to stay then I have not problem justifying a divorce. Well said.... who will be the judge here?? And someone please be my lawyer!!! I just said my opinion and u have given me a whole thing to debate on with you which will end either making you or me loose!! Just chill dear... I just believe people should not divorce so that matter of custody doesn't arise.... isnt that the best solution?? |
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I think the default should be shared custody as close to 50/50 as possible. A child needs both parents unless one or the other proves to be abusive in some way. Nobody wins if a child loses a parent because they couldn't be big enough to put their differences behind them in the best interests of the child. Usually, these huge battles over custody in court are more about one of the adults trying to take out hurt and anger on the other adult. It's the child that suffers the consequences, though. More people should work out custody arrangements with the help of a mediator than battling it out in court where everyone loses financially and emotionally. Amen. Personally I have often been tempted to put the children up in a safe and secure place and force both the parents to show up and sleep on a hide a bed and be treated like second class citizens rather the kids having to spend their childhood living out of suitcases disrupted from any constant relationships, school placements, or consistent medical care. |
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I think the default should be shared custody as close to 50/50 as possible. A child needs both parents unless one or the other proves to be abusive in some way. Nobody wins if a child loses a parent because they couldn't be big enough to put their differences behind them in the best interests of the child. Usually, these huge battles over custody in court are more about one of the adults trying to take out hurt and anger on the other adult. It's the child that suffers the consequences, though. More people should work out custody arrangements with the help of a mediator than battling it out in court where everyone loses financially and emotionally. this, with my first marriage/child, I never used the courts to decide who had to give what to raising our son, we worked it out between ourselves because we both genuinely love our child (and each other, which has its benefits for sure) my second marriage/child, I wouldn't have gone to court either, except for having to rely on government assistance,, for a father who didn't contribute to our daughters upbringing,, but the courts can do nothing as he was not a us citizen,,, |
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Again my disclaimer.
I never give advice, I only speak my opinion which is solely based on personal experience. I sacrificed savings account and signed over sole custody to the mother. That way our child has security. Both money and home. In return, child's mother had to sign that I don't ever have to pay child support. (Now, easy ladies. I turned over a good amount of money freely.) Also she had to sign that I get to our child whenever I want for as long as I want, ( within reason of course) And this agreement by two adults was solely planned out and agreed upon for the best interest of the child. Too many times in custody battles egos get in the way. Before people know it, they lose focus on their child and what is best for them. Now, my ex and I didn't come up with this all on our own, we a true mediator help keep the focus on our child. I highly recommend this course of action for all custody battles. |
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I never got child support, because my ex was ocd about me. I had to get away from him and a monthly reminder for him that we are not together would have meant monthly ten page letters about how Im a abad person and 'this is whats wrong with me'...blah blah blah. The best interest of the child would have been both parents being responsible for the tending to the childs needs, but the majority fell on me. While we were married, the boy needed lots of medical interventions and therapies, and my ex helped with exactly none. Even when I asked for help. That continued after divorce but I was long over it by then. He even sued me for custody 6 yrs after our divorce and a 50/50 shared parenting agreement that he never honored. I asked the boy if he would prefer living with dad or should I fight it. He told me to fight. So I did. Dad ended up losing and having to pay for any activities the therapists recommended that I couldnt afford on my own. He also had to agree to stop bothering me with legal action. If he hadn't settled, my lawyer advised me to get sole custody. Now a friend of mine is going thru a nearly identical experience. So biased judges? I doubt it. Experienced maybe. Cool, if the one lump sum idea works. I never got that. More importantly, spending time with the kid is priority. The kid doesnt know poop about child support, and he shouldn't care. the most important thing that I am taking away from this is the agreement and insight (that I agree with) that ex spouses often use the courts as a vehicle for harassment to try to "control" the other party. I wish more courtrooms would wake up to that sooner and penalize the frivolous litigants, heavily. |
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Well saidsweet!!!
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My divorce wasn't a battle. We agreed I'd take the kids, she couldn't handle having them all the time. She gets to see them because kids need both a mother and a father to teach them.
My brother on the other hand hasn't been allowed to see his kids for most of their lives and he hates it every day. |
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My divorce wasn't a battle. We agreed I'd take the kids, she couldn't handle having them all the time. She gets to see them because kids need both a mother and a father to teach them. Sign of common sense parenting. How the kids adjusting? I raised two girls. |
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I filed for my divorce, I asked the judge for custody and showed my 2 yr old son was better off with me. I had my life together and fought hard to get full custodyof him. I won and been raising him alone ever since. He's 15 and in high school now. Wouldn't change it for the world. Mor dads need to step up, it was scary at first but soon became easier. Its your child so the love behind it all helps make you a good parent. And I chose to stay single until my parenting job that I decided to take on was done. No regrets.
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I have fought (3 children & 2 different mothers), I am with my kids predominantly most of the week...The Judge in Cuyahoga County Family court was impressed that I wanted to take such a proactive role in my kids lives...I agree that dads need to be involved (not just paying money then maybe showing up)
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Why is there such a competitive undertone in the OP's question? As far as I'm concerned it's about complementing each other as parents, divorced or not, so children get the best care and education they can get. Most parents f*** up when they're together and keep doing that when divorced.
It shouldn't be about men needing to prove they're fit to raise a child and not about knocking the women from the 60s for how badly they raised children on their own. It should be about what's best for the child, which is different in each case. Over here many divorcing couples choose to have the children with dad one week, mum the other. I have serious doubts whether that's healthy. Time will tell. But I think this is yet another 'method' that is based on the parents' egos and not on what's best for the child/ren. I also don't understand why many men that have raised children on their own, need to get so much praise for it? Why do you need to tell us time and again you raised your child on your own? Big effing deal! If it's so natural and normal for you to do this, why do guys want a medal for it? You want a medal for breathing as well? If everyone was as relaxed about this as Mightymoe, things might be a whole lot better and healthier for both parents and children! He seems to be the only one without an ego issue regarding this subject. As the law goes, or should go, the parent most suitable to provide for the kids should have custody. There are still biased judges out there who won't see a man raisng kids. What's up with men who decide not to fight for custody? Are ya'll trained that kids naturally go with mamma? What's the deal here? money... women need the money to raise them right... i have no problem with my ex raising my boys, she's doing a great job, better than i could have done, and i still can see them whenever i want.. to me, it's a win win win, for all all of us... a mother can not teach a boy to be a man. a father can not teach a girl to be a woman....case closed......a great example is how many screwed up men there are that were raised by mothers only from the 60's lib area on . !!!!!!!!!!! ummm... that only applies when the father is not in the picture... you can't teach anyone anything if your not around, so be around the boys to help teach them what you want... 
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The topic was an attempt to wake men up to the fact they are equally capable and deserving to raise their kids.
I don't want my ego stroked. I briefly mentioned I raised my first two girls. That was to express my experience in the matter. Custody is either worked out or fought out in court. I was addressing the latter. |
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It started with the big democrat machine. putting road blocks up so the people that vote the democrat card. burn themselves every time. watch what is getting ready to happen soon.
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I have been a single parent of a little girl for 9 and half yrs she is 11 now and honestly I think maturity has a lot to do with it some people more male than female want there time to do what they want to do that's why I think the cause of most of it is I have full custody of my daughter because her mother after almost two yrs of being a mother decides she wants to party and im still guessing not be burdened by a child holding her at home away from what she wants to do this is just my opinion on the matter it may be right in some cases and wrong in others hope this helps answer some of your questions
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I'm taking applications for a daddy. Just throwing that out there.
@will, hey buddy!    
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I'm taking applications for a daddy. Just throwing that out there. @will, hey buddy! Who's yo Daddy? 
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@will, idk yet. I'm still accepting applications. Lol
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