i have custody of my children

i have custody of my children

I am always a little irked by parents that come out of court saying they "won" custody of their kids when it is rarely is a win or loose proposition.

When a parent can show that they are in fact involved in the child's life; showing up and participating in day to day care, medical care, education, child socialization, providing necessities and bonding with the child as a sober and nurturing caregiver taking their rights away for more than fifty percent of the time is extreamly difficult regardless of gender.

Do young father's have to convince social workers and judges that they in fact do have parenting skills to a greater degree than mother's? In the real world...yes. Should men take photos and keep "Proof" that they are functioning parents rather than bread winners and sperm donors only? Yes again. Is it fair? Noooooh but when a social welfare worker, or attorney, or other officers of the court have to report it is not just custom that determines what happens it is proof and impression.

Dads that allow themselves to be moved out of the care of their children by Mother's that usually have no better idea than they do what to do until they observe it, someone tells them, they read it in a book, watch it on tv, or discover by trial and error need to stand their ground.

You will notice I don't say "fight" because it is a whole lot more productive to just present facts. And the fact that a father that does not leave his children's home voluntarily has a much easier time of keeping 50% custody. Those that leave with a plan in place for visitation that includes personal space equal to or better than what the mother offers (independently not at their Mom's or a girlfriend's) is what impresses judges. A pretty good argument for not getting yourself in a morgage that will bury you if you have to live elsewhere.

Parenting is a big effing deal, still doesn't explain why men that have raised a kid on their own need to boast about it as if they need a medal for it. There's a gazillion women doing this on their own, they don't scream about it for attention either.
Not saying every guy does this, but some seem to feel they're special for raising a kid, just cos they got an appendix between their legs.

Apart from that it's not about men having the right to raise their kid, it's about who's the best caretaker of the kid. And sorry to say, I feel it's mostly the mother, at least when the kids are under 12 yrs old. It's in a woman's nature to nurture, pamper, feed, take care of children etc., not in a man's. Doesn't mean a man can't do it, sure he can. But it means in most cases the kids gets the care he/she needs from mother.
Now people can get upset about this, tough shite. You can NOT deny primal instincts and the nature of the beast. Men & women are different, yet equal. Doesn't mean to say both are best at the same tasks. Man & woman are supposed to complement each other, meaning sometimes one is better than the other at something and v.v.

And again, as far as I'm concerned it's not about a man's right to raise a kid. That's just bollox, ego based and not having the child's best interest at heart, but the man's.
It's not Life of Brian with that bloke whinging "I have the right to have a uterus!"
It's about the kid and that's what it should be about. Not men's rights.

So as for fathers fighting for custody of their kids: maybe just be a man and be a father for your kids to start with. Help the mother out so you still complement each other in spite of a divorce and be the best parents you can be for your kid(s).
Like what Mightymoe's done/doing.

And ask yourself why you are fighting? For your ego, to get back at your ex wife? If the mother isn't a fit mother, fair enough. But parents shouldn't be fighting, they should be adults and TALK about what's best. For the kids. Not for themselves.

There are lots of reasons why more men don't have custody...Some are understandable, some are not...Divorce is hard on kids...Think about it, the kids identify with mom and dad ....When post divorced parents put the welfare of their children first, who has physical custody ceases to be an issue...

Even today dad's have to prove the mother unfit. Dad is
Second choice for the courts. That's why they started joint custody, and the mother gets custody. Dad gets to pay support

I don't even know that I like the term custody as it implies someone else has the right to take my own right to be a father from me. When the situation arises, and it will, I'll be making it very clear to child protective (abduction) services that their services are not needed. My daughter is well cared for and protected, sometimes, even from her own mother.

While I agree with the sentiment above... I think. Much of your verbage seems to be quite tainted. I mean, I'm not sure of willing's motives, and I already know that he and I do not agree on politics, however, it seems to me that many of the comments you've been making are a bit snide and unless you know him personally, I think that your letting your own past color your current experience to such an extant that you may be projecting a bit...

Just sayin'. I could be wrong, too... so...

.. I believe it has something to do with bread winning.. and women being more nurturing...
. but that being said.. I'm a full time dad... I won't go into details... but looking at some of my male friends.... kids are better off with there moms... they're more organized.. when they're tired they're still willing to do that extra bit.... fill out paperwork for school... arrange doctor appointments... get the kids . were they need to be... arrange playdates... they do things most dads... don't consider important.... kid . .cut his finger.. dad says quit your crying you didn't cut it off... mom gives

.. my stupid phone... mom gives cut a kiss put's. a bandaid on it.. and the bread winning thing.. the courts point of view.. not mine..

do not add to my words.. if you can't quote properly.. don't quote me at all... you're making it look like I.. said something I didn't..... sweet sarcasm... don't put words into my mouth..

I quoted the BS you posted.

Men are compassionate and can be caring fathers.

Do you just pay support?

.. what part of full time dad did you not read....ps.. re read above you..D