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| Topic: Too picky? Or Do I just want what's right for me? | |
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This is something I'm finding out recently: there's got to be ''that spark'' for romantic relationships. You don't get involved romantically with everyone you love. Otherwise that includes all your family and friends, everybody. A romantic relationship is its own experience that can happen alongside love. If someone isn't ''flippin' your cookies,'' there's no shame in backing down from it. I didn't decide that I preferred women over men, that's just the way it turned out, and I also just happen to like the finer details of what I like. I've also found that spending time cultivating my sense and attitude of appreciation does a lot more for creating the experience which I appreciate the most.
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There must be chemistry. Unfortunately, sometimes there is chemistry with the wrong partner, and no chemistry with the 'nice' guys. Its not easy to find both in the same guy. this is true.the guys i end up dating because of the chemistry always end up being ********.i would advice you to get to know the person first and if he is the one you will know |
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I don't think it is being "Too picky"
...Just ALONE ..........And sad  |
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys  I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up!  So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! Okay... Let's lay it out. To women "Nice Guys" in the friend zone are guys that are just trying a different tact to manipulate you, ie: "If I contunue to be nice to her, and just hang around in a non-threatening way... she will eventually realize I'm the best thing for her and give me what I want." What men don't realize is... to women, this is the equivalent of the "Fat girl with low self-esteem" to men. When you lower your standards to accept "whatever is easiest," you are picking "Low Hanging Fruit." Might as well pick the apples from the ground that are rotten because you don't have to climb the tree to put in effort and get the sweetest apples that get the most sunshine at the top. Never settle. The payoff is worth it. |
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Edited by
Lost_in_reverie
on
Sun 12/29/13 03:19 PM
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To women "Nice Guys" in the friend zone are guys that are just trying a different tact to manipulate you, ie: "If I contunue to be nice to her, and just hang around in a non-threatening way... she will eventually realize I'm the best thing for her and give me what I want." I've noticed many guys try that. It then makes it difficult to work out who actually is a friend, or who gets bored of your company when you're not "putting out" (most of them). Then guys that follow wonder why you're less inclined to talk openly, to share details of your life and your experiences, when you can't even tell anymore if they're sincere or just sticking around until you get stupid. |
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To women "Nice Guys" in the friend zone are guys that are just trying a different tact to manipulate you, ie: "If I contunue to be nice to her, and just hang around in a non-threatening way... she will eventually realize I'm the best thing for her and give me what I want." I've noticed many guys try that. It then makes it difficult to work out who actually is a friend, or who gets bored of your company when you're not "putting out" (most of them). Then guys that follow wonder why you're less inclined to talk openly, to share details of your life and your experiences, when you can't even tell anymore if they're sincere or just sticking around until you get stupid. and I don;t see that they change a whole lot as they age....this is why I want to be friends first. I see a lot of good looking men all the time, but there needs to be more of a connection/friendship before anything else. that's my story and I'm sticking to it :) I don;t have that many platonic male friends. a few I guess, but platonic doesn't fall easily into my vocabulary...lol |
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Hi Tee
Just saw this, so I haven't read through it all yet, but I already have a thought. I just go with the flow and so do the people who hang out with me including women I see. I was the same way when married and so was my wife. I think, we think, too much and today is a different day than in the past and people are not knowing as much about how to be with each other. It use to be that there were clear lines when seeing someone or having friends from what I have seen in others and now that times have changed a little we are second guessing the why's and why not's. Today is more like me, and I actually feel more comfortable about how things work between friends and lovers. I think it was Artgurl who said that people are getting too uptight about the labels and it keeps them from living a freedom that is out there to enjoy (sorry for the paraphrase "S"). I'm not suggesting being loose, but maybe taking a look at your friendships and enjoying these people on a deeper level. You might find them to be far more attractive (maybe not to you) than you thought and it doesn't really matter if they are not for you, but seeing that they are for someone changes us. I love going out or hanging out with my girlfriends regardless if it is about me or someone else, and as they get to know me deeper if we haven't known each other long, realize I'm not sizing them up for me, but sizing them up in general cause I love them. And their sizing me up. This gives them a great freedom with me and if I see they want more it's a lot easier for me to be considerate and upfront with them. I help them see why it's not me they really want and at the same time don't betray their womanhood. does this make sense or am I smoking here? Since I first saw you here, I saw how attractive you were and can see how expressive you are as well. I think your guys friends if you are just yourself with them would be thrilled to be with you, and if true friends would see that you are cool to be with at whatever level, and if they want more and you don't you have the tact and power to make them feel at ease. If they don't get it maybe you have grown beyond them. There are many guys who never get it and only think of their own needs and can't look at the big picture of happiness for all. Those guys I don't see being right for a lot of you girls I read on here, but there are a lot of other guys out there that "are" grown up and sometimes maybe girls are over looking them and their treasures. Picking a guy is no longer like shopping for clothes. Sure you could try on a ton of them, but don't you want to mingle to see if they really fit? Sometimes I look on here and still only see people staying on the surface but hearing them say they want to go deep. Well, there are a lot of guys out there and going deep is only as hard as us letting down guards. If we go through life with a fence around us we should be ready to only meet people with those same fences. Each one wondering who's going to drop their guard first. That to me sounds backward. |
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up! So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! I've told myself that unless I get that spark or immediate attraction, then I'm just not interested. Is this a mistake? Should I really look deeper ? This is JUST dating, right? Shouldn't I only look deeper once there is a spark? Help me out ladies... or guys! I'll listen to all who have valid advice! I'm tired of being ROMANTICALLY alone. who says pap smears aren't fun? Whaaaaat?? You say what now?? Every checkup I do,I feel sooooo very nekid... |
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Hi Tee Just saw this, so I haven't read through it all yet, but I already have a thought. I just go with the flow and so do the people who hang out with me including women I see. I was the same way when married and so was my wife. I think, we think, too much and today is a different day than in the past and people are not knowing as much about how to be with each other. It use to be that there were clear lines when seeing someone or having friends from what I have seen in others and now that times have changed a little we are second guessing the why's and why not's. Today is more like me, and I actually feel more comfortable about how things work between friends and lovers. I think it was Artgurl who said that people are getting too uptight about the labels and it keeps them from living a freedom that is out there to enjoy (sorry for the paraphrase "S"). I'm not suggesting being loose, but maybe taking a look at your friendships and enjoying these people on a deeper level. You might find them to be far more attractive (maybe not to you) than you thought and it doesn't really matter if they are not for you, but seeing that they are for someone changes us. I love going out or hanging out with my girlfriends regardless if it is about me or someone else, and as they get to know me deeper if we haven't known each other long, realize I'm not sizing them up for me, but sizing them up in general cause I love them. And their sizing me up. This gives them a great freedom with me and if I see they want more it's a lot easier for me to be considerate and upfront with them. I help them see why it's not me they really want and at the same time don't betray their womanhood. does this make sense or am I smoking here? Since I first saw you here, I saw how attractive you were and can see how expressive you are as well. I think your guys friends if you are just yourself with them would be thrilled to be with you, and if true friends would see that you are cool to be with at whatever level, and if they want more and you don't you have the tact and power to make them feel at ease. If they don't get it maybe you have grown beyond them. There are many guys who never get it and only think of their own needs and can't look at the big picture of happiness for all. Those guys I don't see being right for a lot of you girls I read on here, but there are a lot of other guys out there that "are" grown up and sometimes maybe girls are over looking them and their treasures. Picking a guy is no longer like shopping for clothes. Sure you could try on a ton of them, but don't you want to mingle to see if they really fit? Sometimes I look on here and still only see people staying on the surface but hearing them say they want to go deep. Well, there are a lot of guys out there and going deep is only as hard as us letting down guards. If we go through life with a fence around us we should be ready to only meet people with those same fences. Each one wondering who's going to drop their guard first. That to me sounds backward. I like the way u've put it down!! And,yes,I think this is trully good advice...I'll be the one to follow it before Tee does!! |
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The more you get to know someone the more emotionally attached they become. Even if it doesn't lead to romantic relations you will miss them when they are not around. Give them a chance to seep into your heart. ^True enough, but not exactly to point...You can let them seep into you heart without letting them seep into your pants ya know....  Yes! |
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 Hi teebee! I haven't felt a spark since college, so I don't know what to tell you. Keep looking and don't settle would be my only advice. wanna borrow my battery charger??  I need a whole new engine. OMG! They didn't give you a spare?? They still come in twos,right?? |
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Picking a guy is no longer like shopping for clothes. Sure you could try on a ton of them, but don't you want to mingle to see if they really fit? Sometimes I look on here and still only see people staying on the surface but hearing them say they want to go deep. Well, there are a lot of guys out there and going deep is only as hard as us letting down guards. If we go through life with a fence around us we should be ready to only meet people with those same fences. Each one wondering who's going to drop their guard first. That to me sounds backward.  No truer words could be spoken! I know I'm just as bad as the next person for being cautious and guarded, but I do make the effort to let people in (even if it's at my own pace). |
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Oh yes has to be a spark there are so many people we can be friends with like the kind grocery man etc the whole point is your heart needs to beat ! When I met my ex I felt an explosion in my hand when he passed me my change and when he was cleaning tables and leaned over I felt tingles all over hot flushed and excited
I married him lol YES I would do it all over again if I felt that for someone I think if you look at couples photos they look good together chemistry physical attraction is sooooo important. Also things like what's important to you eg similar religion politics whether they like kids are they kind etc But seriously IF there's No spark trust that or you will be in a luke warm relationship or end up as a friendS. |
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Edited by
ridewytepony
on
Mon 12/30/13 10:00 AM
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up! So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! I've told myself that unless I get that spark or immediate attraction, then I'm just not interested. Is this a mistake? Should I really look deeper ? This is JUST dating, right? Shouldn't I only look deeper once there is a spark? Help me out ladies... or guys! I'll listen to all who have valid advice! I'm tired of being ROMANTICALLY alone. who says pap smears aren't fun? You just have to make the most out of it, and have a good imagination and before you know it you will be running your fingers through his hair.Thats what I think. Same applies to the OP. |
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up! So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! I've told myself that unless I get that spark or immediate attraction, then I'm just not interested. Is this a mistake? Should I really look deeper ? This is JUST dating, right? Shouldn't I only look deeper once there is a spark? Help me out ladies... or guys! I'll listen to all who have valid advice! I'm tired of being ROMANTICALLY alone. who says pap smears aren't fun? You just have to make the most out of it, and have a good imagination and before you know it you will be running your fingers through his hair.Thats what I think. Same applies to the OP. A female gynaecologist,heh,Pony!?! |
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up! So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! Okay... Let's lay it out. To women "Nice Guys" in the friend zone are guys that are just trying a different tact to manipulate you, ie: "If I contunue to be nice to her, and just hang around in a non-threatening way... she will eventually realize I'm the best thing for her and give me what I want." What men don't realize is... to women, this is the equivalent of the "Fat girl with low self-esteem" to men. When you lower your standards to accept "whatever is easiest," you are picking "Low Hanging Fruit." Might as well pick the apples from the ground that are rotten because you don't have to climb the tree to put in effort and get the sweetest apples that get the most sunshine at the top. Never settle. The payoff is worth it. I agree with this! I've told my friend repeatedly that there will NEVER be anything between us! He says .. "I know, We are just friends" yet, every time I turn around, He's sending texts " I miss you Tee, When are we going to hang out" "I can't go tooo long without a Tee shot" WTF? Really..  Even if I did slip and hook up with a friend! It would never be him! |
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up! So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! Okay... Let's lay it out. To women "Nice Guys" in the friend zone are guys that are just trying a different tact to manipulate you, ie: "If I contunue to be nice to her, and just hang around in a non-threatening way... she will eventually realize I'm the best thing for her and give me what I want." What men don't realize is... to women, this is the equivalent of the "Fat girl with low self-esteem" to men. When you lower your standards to accept "whatever is easiest," you are picking "Low Hanging Fruit." Might as well pick the apples from the ground that are rotten because you don't have to climb the tree to put in effort and get the sweetest apples that get the most sunshine at the top. Never settle. The payoff is worth it. I agree with this! I've told my friend repeatedly that there will NEVER be anything between us! He says .. "I know, We are just friends" yet, every time I turn around, He's sending texts " I miss you Tee, When are we going to hang out" "I can't go tooo long without a Tee shot" WTF? Really.. Even if I did slip and hook up with a friend! It would never be him! ?? When you talk about him it almost sounds like he is not really a friend. If your friends shouldn't you and he be friendly? I'm probably missing the picture here. |
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up! So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! Okay... Let's lay it out. To women "Nice Guys" in the friend zone are guys that are just trying a different tact to manipulate you, ie: "If I contunue to be nice to her, and just hang around in a non-threatening way... she will eventually realize I'm the best thing for her and give me what I want." What men don't realize is... to women, this is the equivalent of the "Fat girl with low self-esteem" to men. When you lower your standards to accept "whatever is easiest," you are picking "Low Hanging Fruit." Might as well pick the apples from the ground that are rotten because you don't have to climb the tree to put in effort and get the sweetest apples that get the most sunshine at the top. Never settle. The payoff is worth it. I agree with this! I've told my friend repeatedly that there will NEVER be anything between us! He says .. "I know, We are just friends" yet, every time I turn around, He's sending texts " I miss you Tee, When are we going to hang out" "I can't go tooo long without a Tee shot" WTF? Really.. Even if I did slip and hook up with a friend! It would never be him! ?? When you talk about him it almost sounds like he is not really a friend. If your friends shouldn't you and he be friendly? I'm probably missing the picture here. Reviewing our " friend" relationship... You're right! We aren't friends. I treat all of my friends the same... I don't treat him like I would everyone else! with other guy friends, I can call up and say " Hey, knucklehead let's hit the sports bar.. the Eagles are playing" I have never and will never make an invitation like that to him... anytime I've "met up" with him it's been him calling and asking me to meet, IF I'm already out! |
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Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone. My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance. My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up! So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never! Okay... Let's lay it out. To women "Nice Guys" in the friend zone are guys that are just trying a different tact to manipulate you, ie: "If I contunue to be nice to her, and just hang around in a non-threatening way... she will eventually realize I'm the best thing for her and give me what I want." What men don't realize is... to women, this is the equivalent of the "Fat girl with low self-esteem" to men. When you lower your standards to accept "whatever is easiest," you are picking "Low Hanging Fruit." Might as well pick the apples from the ground that are rotten because you don't have to climb the tree to put in effort and get the sweetest apples that get the most sunshine at the top. Never settle. The payoff is worth it. I agree with this! I've told my friend repeatedly that there will NEVER be anything between us! He says .. "I know, We are just friends" yet, every time I turn around, He's sending texts " I miss you Tee, When are we going to hang out" "I can't go tooo long without a Tee shot" WTF? Really.. Even if I did slip and hook up with a friend! It would never be him! ?? When you talk about him it almost sounds like he is not really a friend. If your friends shouldn't you and he be friendly? I'm probably missing the picture here. Reviewing our " friend" relationship... You're right! We aren't friends. I treat all of my friends the same... I don't treat him like I would everyone else! with other guy friends, I can call up and say " Hey, knucklehead let's hit the sports bar.. the Eagles are playing" I have never and will never make an invitation like that to him... anytime I've "met up" with him it's been him calling and asking me to meet, IF I'm already out! Isn't that something. Well it does sound like he has the hots for you and doesn't know what to do about the answer no. I've had this happen a few times but I think women must have to deal with this a lot more cause of the man fantasy thing. The more I hear you talk about it, it does sound a little scary doesn't it. |
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Reviewing our " friend" relationship... You're right! We aren't friends. I treat all of my friends the same... I don't treat him like I would everyone else! with other guy friends, I can call up and say " Hey, knucklehead let's hit the sports bar.. the Eagles are playing" I have never and will never make an invitation like that to him... anytime I've "met up" with him it's been him calling and asking me to meet, IF I'm already out! It sounds like you've never been allowed to be comfortable with him because he seems to be edging from the "more than friends" angle, despite you making it clear that's not what you want. If he'd backed off to "just friends" you may have been more inclined to relax and enjoy his company. I've had "friends" like that too. If they don't accept it, you just have to cut them loose unfortunately. "Gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure." |
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