Friends I need an ear! I have recently been having a serious dry spell with guys I'm a friendly girl! I know lots of guys, and that's because I've put most of them in the friend zone.
My ex was/ is a terrible person, yet, I gave him chance after chance.
My friend is a " nice" guy but he is about as much fun as getting a Pap smear... ladies back me up!
So, No... I've never gone " there" with him and WILL never!

I've told myself that unless I get that spark or immediate attraction, then I'm just not interested.
Is this a mistake? Should I really look deeper ? This is JUST dating, right? Shouldn't I only look deeper once there is a spark?

Help me out ladies... or guys! I'll listen to all who have valid advice! I'm tired of being ROMANTICALLY alone.

I'm with you on that one. If there's no spark, what's the point? My last actual relationship was two years ago. I tried the casual relationship with a friend last year, which was fun but I got bored pretty quickly. Not because of the sex, but it's the intimacy of being with someone you actually want to be with that I love and want. As such, I'm of the same mindset - I'm not going to waste their time or my time if I don't feel it's what I want.

It's right to explore your options - meet up with guys, get to know them, etc. But if you don't feel that spark then, in my opinion, it's not really a good idea to get involved unless it's a casual relationship you want. That's how it works for me anyway.

Right! and that's why I haven't been on a " date" in a while. If I don't feel it right away from the " Hello" then... I don't go there.
BUT I have people telling me... No, You shouldn't do that because people have falling in love with someone who they couldn't STAND at first meeting!
I don't know how true that is? once I meet someone and I don't like them that dislike ain't going nowhere... except maybe a deeper dislike.

Continue to enjoy your friends and seek a guy with the spark as that is important and not to be denied. Be patient and willing to screen many many men and you will find what you seek!!Sadly many are called but few are chosen and the more you require of a man the more you will likley meet to find the one for you!!

Hi teebee!

I haven't felt a spark since college, so I don't know what to tell you.
Keep looking and don't settle would be my only advice.

Hi, What!
Yeah... Don't settle is great advice and I'm trying not to! I just don't want to toss out a perfectly good babe with cold water..
um, ok... that totally made sense in my head a minute ago

I hope this is true... but I'm really hoping to meet him before I hit I get to old to know what to do with him...

What am I saying.. I'll be 21 forever!

21? I thought you were 19.

I don't believe in 'love at first sight', and there are instances where interest develops over time. I don't think it's possible to tell when you first meet someone if they're right for you straight away, but you should know from spending a few hours with them if there's any interest at all. The rest will come with time.

In my case, at the first meeting I'll usually know if they're someone I am interested in as a person. By the second or third meeting, I'll know if the interest is in them as more than friends. I'm not saying it works that way for everyone, but that may be the case for you also.

Well, I agree to a certain extent about the spark thing but don't really go along with the idea that you know instantly.

Can only speak from personal experience but with my last girlfriend she said that it was my personality that she liked and when I asked her later on if she had fancied me the moment that we met she just said, "A bit".

I had a relationship with a woman that I pulled just by sending her a letter with a CD of me playing the guitar with it and she told me later that she liked my picture and fancied me. That was enough to get her to meet me and we hit it off and had stuff in common and soon became more than just friends.

I know other women that I've felt the spark with and that's all very well and I would shag them but don't know if I've got enough in common with them for a relationship to actually work, so I usually just leave it with those ones these days. Perhaps I'm getting picky then and I'm even pickier than you are. Perhaps it's just not that long since I had a girlfriend and am not all that bothered about it at the moment and am happy enough to keep those ones in the "friends zone" for now and wait until I meet them at another party when they are drunk enough to be up for it. I'm not sure.

I was until the drinking age was raised

You should wait until you find what heats you up but if your waiting for perfection it will be a long wait. If your friend truly is a nice person then don't "go there" because you will hurt him if he secretly desires you.

teebee79-sybariticguy was right on great advice--also read ''act like a lady- think like a man''by Steve Harvey it is very easy reading it will make your relationships better if take the info in and use it-good luck--

I am going get this book! I've been curious about it. Thanks hon :)

Completely agree! I would never go "there" with him or any of my guy friends.

There must be chemistry. Unfortunately, sometimes there is chemistry with the wrong partner, and no chemistry with the 'nice' guys.

Its not easy to find both in the same guy.

I know, right Jeannie! The ex is a total ***! The friend is a sweetheart but not a drop of sex appeal :( together they would make an imperfect well adjusted hot man!!! If only wishes were real!!

Not saying that little "Sizzle" feeling you get when you meet someone always pans out to be lasting love (best reason in the world not to complicate a graceful exit later by keeping your bloomers up until you are really sure) but if it isn't there the likely hood that it is going to magically appear is about slim and none it is so rare.

Being truthful with yourself and more importantly the other person is just being an adult. If you get a reputation for being the date that ignores their gut instincts and drags out "process for a few dates" pretty soon you will have few dates. On the other hand you fess up fast that yea it isn't quite a match but hey you are a cool person otherwise that all round good person will preceed you too.

One of the guys I actually turned down as a date and later included in group parties actually introduced me to the love of my life.

There may be a lid for every pot but just because someone's umbrella keeps you from getting drenched doesn't mean you are not going to ultimately feel like you got stuck with a wet blanket when the predictable lift that having a new relationship wears off and some of the miserable experiences that having some great sizzle can get you accross.

wanna borrow my battery charger??

who says pap smears aren't fun?