me and this guy fell in love during highschool. later circumstances led to me changing schools and him leaving the state. we found each other again online. and we got together and its been great. he came to cali in july for my birthday and to visit his mom who lives in town. my parents met him and HATE him my mom has been trying to set me up with other guys since he left. and he is moving back to cali next week and thats great and everything except weve been fighting because he wants to get married NOW where as i want to wait.(were engaged btw). he also wants me to move in with him and his mom while i want to be stable financially before making any real serious moves like that. and he thinks that since i want to wait that i dont want to marry him at all and that i dont even care about the relationship. WHAT DO I DO?

You need to follow your heart & live your life.
NO ONE should tell another how to live.
Don't get pushed where you don't want to go.

You both need to talk it out together... maybe you could
compromise on how long a wait or something...

If he loves you ...he will want you to be ready to marry him!

First thing ... take a deep breath ...
Secondly .. what do you WISH for ?.. its all that really matters at the end of the day ... :)

IF it was me ?.. I would be taking ONE STEP at a time.. you now know where he will be , and when ( pretty much) and since you are engaged to him already , WHAT is his rush ?.. ( me thinks I hear flaws somewhere in there... not that we all do not have them .. :) ... )
BUT that is just me .. not you ...
GOOD luck and congrats on the engagement :)

stand your ground.
marriage is a big decision that can't be decided just upon love.
I'm sorry to say this, but love weights too little when it comes to a decision like marriage.
You need to see the whole scene.
Most importantly, if he loves you he has to respect your decisions.

TLW

Walk away

RUN

He sounds like a royal pain in the ass to me..sorry but i would tell him to give me some space to breathe...sheeeessh... Seriously though good luck!

speaking from experience here....Liz you are so young, you surely want to get out and have fun and be free before you settle down!! Break the engagement if he is pushing you like that, and listen to your doubts, they are there for a reason. This time in your life only comes once!! enjoy it and don't let anyone boss you around

If YOU feel that YOU trully LOVE him, then tell him how and what your feeling NOW.
Then if he also TRULLY loves YOU, he will change his THOUGHTS of (MAKING YOU "FEEL" ITS AN ORDER) and BE more OPEN to HOW you feel and what "WILL" be a WORKING relationship for the BOTH of you...
If "YOU" allow HIM to RULE "NOW" with only HIS WISHES, then "HE" will "always" THINK,and WANT, to do "THAT"...

Is "THAT" what YOU want???

It is better by FAR, to find out NOW, that you BOTH may have some very BIG ISSUES!!!!!

Would making that move PREVENT you from being stable financially in the future? Pursuing you course etc? I do not think it would if you avoid pregnancy at this time. But just before U shack up with him. What is your parents reason.

Sometimes parents see things that you won't; sometimes it is they just 'do not like your choice for no reason.

This is your life and eventually, it is you who have to make the decision because it is you who have to live with him.

Let your parents know, in a polite way, that they had their time and now this is YOUR time and if they could kindly give you their blessings please as you have already decided that it is he you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

This is the time to SHOW that you are NOW an adult.

You are also scared of the UNKNOWN. I think everyone is at this time. You're getting the jitters, and butterflies in your stomach. Hee hee hee.
Your parents are AFRAID for you too.

TAKE THE PLUNGE AND HOLD ON TO YOUR PADDLE AS YOU TWO TAKE OFF IN YOUR NEW BOAT.

Let me first of say that IF your mom hates him...thats not a good thing!! Usually your mom sees something that maybe you are blinded by...so maybe stop and listen to what your mom has to say about him.
I think you need to make your own decisions. It sounds like he is controlling...if he is trying to control what you do already, I feel sorry for you. He is trying to make you feel guilty and trying to make you prove that you love him by moving in with him and his mom. UMMM why is he living with his mom?
I say think long and hard before you make any decisions...you have a whole life time to spend with him, so you don't have to rush into anything. If he doesn't want to wait for you to make up your mind, then theres a red flag!!
Good luck

Unsure could not find any place in her contribution to say 'it sounds like he loves you and is anxious to have you completely, where you two will be together making your own decisions
Unsure is not seeing that it could be YOU CONTROLLING (and I am not saying you are) as you want to have your way from now.
There Unsure goes again giving a younger woman lessons on how to DEFY a man, but take lessons from everyone else including the dog in the yard. When the man expresses his desire in requests, it is 'he is controlling.'
Did you say he was the controlling type. At your age, you would have ALREADY recognized it if he WAS the controlling type even BEFORE you got engaged? Bah!

Did you not say that you KNEW him from high school?

I will tell you one thing. Do not ake advice from women who ALWAYS see men as always 'never anything good; always negative; and could always put a fly in the honey to show you.
Do not take advice from people who need help.

UMMM Greiving...do you not like me or what?? Read what she said. They were fighting because he wants to get married NOW. If she doesn't want to get married now then she shouldn't.
I don't think ANY woman should let a man control her...thats why women should get their education and get a good job. Then we make good money and don't have to have any men to take care of us....then see we want a man we don't need a man!!!

So fighting means what? That it is he who wants to control not she or neither of them?
Unsure the man is trying to SHOW that, unlike MANY men, he WANTS TO GET MARRIED TO HER. That he is not a player. That he is not planning to USE HER.
The Western versiion of marriage does not say that now the man owns the woman to control her.
It says that it is the woman who now OWNS the man. That is what he is anxious to do. Be owned by her.
No?? Who do they GIVE THE wedding certificate to? Correct! It is the WIFE AND THAT IS WHAT SHE WILL USE when or if they separate, to take all his wealth and keep what she came with.
So it is he who has everything to lose yet he wants to give her his life.

I have learnt over and over that if and when a woman WANTS to further her education, NOTHING will stop her!!

Hello...you are 18...yes? When did you finish high school?

How long have you been engaged?

How long have you known this lad?

If he cant wait until you are ready within yourself...then he has a little more growing up to do...two people enter a marriage, and as far as I know, in the states, you get a say in it.