I'm experienced enough to know that relationships don't work unless there's some kind of balance, give and take between a couple, and a willingness to turn to each other when things go wrong instead of to other sources.

And yet, some people insist that your significant other be the center of your universe, that unspeakably perfect thing which your life revolves around. And you know, maybe that's true, but I can't help thinking that this sort of thinking tends to lend itself to extremes in relationships. What do you think?

I agree, there should be balance, otherwise it turns into something creepy, like an obsession. Which probably wouldn't be bad if both parties felt the same way, but they usually don't....

Its tricky.largely due to ignorance.Love has a way of overwhelming one when they are in it.I like the way Baganda,a tribe in Uganda,train young girls to handle love.They may be madly in love,but all the training helps them remain cool,calm and collected.My take is that women need this sort of Matronly advice as they enter puberty,to learn how to stay sober in relationships.True when you center your life on the person you love,you stiffle them and thats sets a problem.a fair amount of independence is healthy so that each individual is able to constantly bring newness to the relationship.

We need that in America, it would be a good idea. I've been guilty of doing that myself....

And who can blame you? It's difficult enough to resist as it is without every form of media screaming at you to cut loose, hold nothing back.

Well, I don't buy into media hype, if I did I've had the self esteem of a fruit fly.....I just have a tendency to be too generous in relationships. As if I owe the guy something, it's a stupid way to be. Glad I'm over it.

I used to be like that too,then I actually got focussed by the media.I used the internet and got tips and advice widely.It helped a lot.It boiled down to what the Baganda matrons teach:be humble to your man,servitude. even if you earn a million or are more educated let him be the man,In times of disagreement,placate before you admonish,cook 4 AND serve him,smile always, act bashful,NEVER Use sex as a weapon,Ask for favours AFTER sex,respect inlaws,Speak in low tones,Never argue in public,learn and practice good lovemaking,good hygeine in and out of bed.Let him seek you in courtship do not chase.just be alluring.

I like the don't chase part and the good hygiene. I suck at being subservient to anyone, though.....

I don't think it's healthy to make the other the centre of your universe. It's very important to not lose yourself within a relationship.
Chances of the relationship lasting will probably increase if both remain their own person, also keep doing their own thing in life (hobbies, friends etc.).

Exactly. Besides, it usually gives the person being focused on a feeling of superiority and the feeling that he or she can rule the relationship and get away with whatever they want.

I think that it's important to give your partner space. Was in a relationship with a woman a few years ago who was quite obsessive and a pain in the arse. Always phoning me and wanting to know what was up and why I wasn't calling her, even when I told her that I was going to have a day to myself.

The way that I tend to deal with women is to just let them call me. I'm happy to talk to them anytime if I'm not too busy but women tend to be moody and if you call them at the wrong time it usually doesn't go too well.

Agree whole heartedly that we need balance in a relationship for it to work. Compromise, commitment, communication, not necessarily in that order.

Also believe that when in a relationship, your world should revolve around your significant other and vice versa. That's what makes it cool! Sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow. It's like a dance. Doesn't mean you lose yourself in the process though. You don't need to be hearing the same music or doing the same dance to still be dancing together.

As for leading to extremes, not sure what you mean by that. I do know that without extremes, things would be boring. Highs and lows make life worth living. Extremes set the limits between which we seek balance.

yeah, or the other scenario: feeling smothered and/or watched with every step they take.
My first partner had made me the centre of his universe, very tiring in the end.

Who are these people? I have never met them.

SHHHHHH!!!

They're watching.

always love yourself enough to set boundaries and love and respect your partner enough to appreciate theirs. partners set boundaries both formally and informally. their success at understanding and agree where those will be will help the relationship continue.

people don;t talk much about boundaries coming between couples but they can. I think it's wise not to assume that because you are in a relationship with someone that you don;t have to respect their personal boundaries. just the opposite.

Every person has their aura. A ring around them where they have comfort zones. A significant other can penetrate the inner ring comfortably where a stranger would make the person uncomforable being that close. In the other direction you have a distance where your partner wanders and you are aware but they are free to do their thing. A good relationship is able to balance the inner aura and that outer freedom.

Yes. I agree 100%