So me and my ex partner have had discussions about us getting back together as we both claim to love eachother however, I'm going away on holiday for nearly twos weeks however she's asked me to come back on the 30th December as she's going up to London news eve and she wants me to go with her so I've arranged to come back on the 30th and she's cool with that however she's really worried that I'm going to be getting with other girls and I feel like I might aswell because she makes me feel unappreciated, unwanted and it's like she's ashamed of me because like she'll come to mine and we will have sex, have a laugh have a cuddle and she'll even spend time with my parents but she's totally against her parents knowing that we are getting back together and it hurts me so much because her family were like my family the first time around because I don't have a close realsonship with my family.

And for them not to know that we are getting back together is really destroying me, it's like she's happy with what she's got because she's got my family back which she loves, she's got me obviously I love the girl to death but she can't seem to understand how much this is hurting me, she can't seem to see past her own emotions. And I feel like why is it such a big deal I mean the realsonship is between two people and no more then that

Please help, I need some advice.

What kind of advice are you looking for? And are you going to be willing to accept it? The last time you asked for advice you ignored it, ie. going back to the ex, when you were advised against it. So I don't have any advice for you. You're going to do what you want, which I guess is fine since you're an adult.

Good luck.

Just because someone's asking for advice dosont nessecarlly mean that they are going to accept it however, I'm asking what would you do if you was emotionally involved in my situation.

Sounds like you are in a chronically abusive relationship. If you stay in it you will have a really miserable life. Drop this like a hot rock, get in a group of healthy young people and it will be easier not to get lonely and get sucked back into this.

Based on what you've told us about this situation, I wouldn't even be talking to her. She doesn't sound trustworthy. She doesn't sound mature. She sounds like she's playing games. And you're letting her do this. You're letting your feelings about her cloud your judgement. When someone loves you they don't treat you like ****, and if they do, they apologize, make amends, and stop the shitty behavior.

There is no way in the hell I'd be willing to be anyone's secret. If she wants to date you or whatever, she should be woman enough to admit it to whoever asks and stand by her decision. What she's saying is, the opinion of her parents means more to her than her relationship with you, whatever that even is, whether you're just friends, or getting back together.

I wouldn't put up with that. Children value their parent's opinions about what they do, not adults. I would walk away from her, and on my way out of the door, I'd tell her when she's ready to be an adult, when she knows exactly what she wants, and when she's ready to treat me like she'd want to be treated, with dignity and respect, to give me a call. Until then, I'd tell her to leave me the **** alone.

But that's just me.

Abusive is totally the wrong word

Which is exactly why I was hesitant to give you any advice, you're not willing to listen. "Abusive is totally the wrong word." What word would you use for someone treating you like ****? "I believe she really does love me." Based on what? Nothing you've told us about this woman leads me to believe she loves you or anyone else. She sounds selfish and manipulative.

You're making excuses for this person, which is what abused people do. After a while, you can no longer blame the other person for their actions, when you keep putting up with it and making excuses for them. Like I said, I don't know why you keep asking for advice, you're not going to listen; you want this woman, for whatever reason, and she knows it. That's why she treats you this way. She knows that no matter what she does to you, you're going to take it.

When you decide to value yourself over her, that's when you'll accept that she is abusing you and you'll stop putting up with it. Until then, there is nothing anyone can do for you. We can "advise" you until we're blue in the face, but you are unwilling to see her for what she is.

I'm off this thread, I get frustrated when people are willing to let other people hurt them, in the name of "love." Love doesn't hurt. Ever.

That's all I'm saying. Good luck to you. I'm out.

What she's saying is, the opinion of her parents means more to her than her relationship with you, whatever that even is, whether you're just friends, or getting back together.

I totally understand what your saying however I feel like I've lost everyone one, my friends won't even talk to me now because I'm still communicating with her and it just feels like she's the only thing I've got left. What you have to understand is that I'm in love and it's easy to sit back and say oh I'd say this and I'd say that but when your emotionally involved in a situation with somebody that you've had a decent past with it really Isent as easy as that. I just hate being away from her because I just feel totally miserable, however this situation Isent making me happy either. Although I love seeing her and spending time with her this whole parent thing has to stop and I'm aware of that, however she was like oh I'll tell them this week once we've moved and now she's saying oh when the time is right. I'm not being funny and I told her this earlier that when I go on holiday I'm going to do me, she can't expect me just to hang around and wait for her to tell her parents.

Do you ever get that feeling in your body that you know what ever your going throughn well it would work out in the end? This is what I'm going through but I just don't know when the end is

Near enough everything you said was true then, however if you honestly believe that love dosont hurt then you obviously haven't been in love before. And just because I hadn't taken your advice previously on another thread about Stephanie dosont mean that I wouldont this time, I mean why would I be back on here if I wasn't looking to listen to any bodies optiouns it dosont make any sense.

As I recall, you did actually like the advice that I gave you the last time that you posted about this girl, so here goes.

I've been in a similar situation with an ex that didn't introduce me to her family and didn't exactly shout it from the rooftops that we were together. It hurts. I've talked to her since and she said that she was like that because she couldn't see a future in it. Could be the same with your girl and if I recall, this was the one that didn't mind other guys coming on to her and asking her for blowjobs.

It's a bit like trying to shut the stable door after the horse has bolted but it really doesn't sound as if this girl wants to get as serious as you do and if you get too wrapped up in her she's likely to break your heart. Go with the other girls I say. Why the f**k not? You're a really young guy and this girl isn't making you happy. She may do if she ever gets her act together but a relationship won't work when only one of you really wants it to and is trying to make it work.

Stop thinking about it as such a big serious thing. You have years to find someone that's right for you and that doesn't mean that you can't keep seeing her. Just means that you shouldn't put up with being treated badly and you've got to lay it on the line to her. Say that you love her but you don't like the way that it's been going and things have got to change. Yes folks, that's right, I said the C word. Shoot me.

But like when I see her she's all over me and she says she loves me, she says she still really wants to give It another go and then when she found out I was going on holiday she wouldont stop crying because she's scared that I'm going to get with other girls and I know she loves my family to bits.

Look, I don't know this girl and we can only go on what you say about her and it seems to me that a lot of what you do say about her is said in anger. If you say that when you see each other she's all over you and tells you that she loves you that's good if she isn't just playing you. It's not necessarily a bad thing that she hasn't told her parents. She probably slagged you off to them when you broke up with her before and they are going to have a low opinion of anyone that they think hurt their little girl and they would take sides and tell her not to get back with you I guess.

If you're going on a lads holiday and she doesn't trust you though that's her problem. Could be that she cheated on you and thinks that you would do the same to her.

Like I said to you before, it's entirely up to you if you think that this girl is worth fighting for but even if you aren't going to tell her that she's the one that has to change, you need to talk to her properly and not just let her emotionally blackmail you, or be all over you every time you see each other instead of sitting down and talking properly before you do that. I never have girlfriends getting jealous like that with me. With me it's the opposite and they tell me that I'm the one that wants to get too serious. Personally, I think that's a load of bollocks and it's just that they lead me on and run away when it gets too real for them.

The thing is, women tend to like romance and they will tell you that they want you to be romantic and to make them feel special but a lot of them are not too big on commitment when it comes down to it. Just be careful that she doesn't play you because she may be all over you and telling you that she loves you but she may not really know what she wants and I do think that from what you've said about her, she cares a bit too much about what her friends or family think.

Oh your totally right she does care about what her family think way to much. However even though I love Stephanie with all of my heart I'm just worried that when I go away on holiday that I might actually meet a girl who even for short space of time treats me the way that I should be treated you know. I've told Stephanie how I feel devalued and unappreciated and unwanted and so on and so forth however she always responds by saying I don't know how to show you that I love you I just do. Baring in mind she's most defiantly not the sharpest tool in the box.

I'm just getting to a point where I don't know what to do I've even considered stop sleeping with her and not letting her come to my house however surely that would just be a step backwards?

Well, you shouldn't cancel your holiday just because she doesn't trust you and thinks that you might go with another girl that will treat you better. She sounds really insecure and it is emotional blackmail when they turn on the waterworks like that.

A lot of young girls are too concerned about what their friends and family think. If you ask them why they put up with it they will just say, "Because they are my friends" and it seems like she's saying that you have to put up with crap from her just because she's your girlfriend.

You might see it as a step backwards if you stop having sex with her but sometimes you've got to do that to make a point. If she thinks that you will just put up with anything because you are getting your end away she will treat you however she likes. Everything seems great when you're in bed together but then you're back where you started and maybe feeling even worse about how it's going.

Personally, I don't stop having sex with a woman unless I'm actually breaking up with her but that's just me and I tend to stick at relationships until it's just not worth it anymore. It's the other crap that I don't like to put up with and if you're saying that this girl isn't too bright she might not even realise what you're getting upset about. I've got a lady friend that I had a lot of problems with and now I'm just honest with her when I say what I think about her and the way she's treated me. It isn't necessarily about control or getting someone to change but if you don't tell them how you feel because you're worried about upsetting them or not getting sex you can't sort things out and get to a place where you are both happy with each other.

and apparently she has good cause to be concerned about this from what you stated in the OP.

I know I would not date someone with your attitude abour cheating, but apparently she's willing to give you a chance. perhaps if you can keep you zipper up while you are gone she will feel that she's found someone worthy to take into her parents home.

she may be avoiding taking you to see her folks until she's sure you are worth it (with respect to RESPECT). ya never know, her parents may be discouraging her from seeing you. which after reading the OP, I would certainly discourage my daughter from seeing you. feeling unappreciated is no excuse for cheating. that's pretty immature, really.

To me, that's the first issue to resolve. you can't blame your willingness to cheat on how she treats you. you have to make the decision that you are not the kind of person who will behave that way irrespective of what anyone else is doing....jmho

good luck and chin up..all in all I am betting you are a good person at heart :)

My advice is two fold...First, change your profile FROM THIS "I'm looking for a really caring girl, one that I can spend a great deal of time with and just really enjoy their company." TO THIS " Currently seeing someone that I love to death, just here for friends and forums."...

Second, stop playing head games with this woman...If I were her, I'd tell you to get lost...

I just finished reading your posts, all 58 of them...I'm adding a third....Grow up...

Can you explain to me how is it cheating if we arnt in an realsonship :/

Sometimes when you are caught up in a dysfunctional relationship it is hard to see it as abusive. The word itself is scary and if it means facing facts it is easy to rationalize a lot away. Which does neither side of the relationship any favors. You can not fix what you do not acknowledge weather you stay or leave.

It is particularly hard for men to see because they want to put any name on it but abusive because admitting you have been abused might suggest that you have also been abusive which really is the norm in more bad relationships than anyone wants to admit.

A relationship does not have to be physically abusive to be abusive. If it cause emotional pain, stress, anxiety, disrupts relationships, causes interruptions in employment and shelter, makes those involved feel discouraged, fearful, withdrawn from their friends, anxious for the future, sad about the past, frustrates those who care about the participants it is abusive.

Other people can sometimes with distance, training, and experience try to tell you something but you have to decide if it fits your life. And hers.

If you love this person as much as you claim to working this out in someplace besides a very public date site which will hurt both of you would be advisable.

If you keep up this drama in your girlfriends life you ARE quite likely to love her to death. Yours or hers. Maybe it will be a stress related illness or vehicle accident, a third party getting involved and drawing her in to a criminal activity, or her having a breakdown and committing suicide.

I don't mind admitting that I was in an abusive relationship. I just don't see it as being all black and white because I think that I'm a better person for having gone through that and it wasn't all bad.

Seems to me that a lot of my relationships tend to follow a certain pattern, or I attract a certain type of woman. One minute they're saying how happy they are to have me and the next they're pushing me away. My ex was psycologically and verbally abusive to me but I don't claim to have been the perfect boyfriend (even if she has now apologised for the way that she treated me) and I probably needed a woman to give me a boot up the arse the way that she did.

She kept saying to me that she didn't want to be with me and that no other woman would want me either if I didn't change. That's classic psycological abuse but I put up with it for a long time. I've had one or two women right here saying similar things to me but that doesn't effect me now because I know that it's not true.

You have to ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with this girl. From what you've said and from the way that you're coming across, you sound like the dominant one in the relationship and you make her sound a bit weak. If she's telling you that she wants to get back together with you and you aren't sure that you want that you have to be honest with her but keeping her dangling and saying that you aren't happy with the way that she is is kind of abusive and it is taking advantage of her for sex.

I'm not saying that you have to give up on her or that you can't sort things out. Her not wanting to tell her parents at this point is rather trivial. It can likewise feel like abuse if it carries on and she doesn't tell them and treat you like a proper boyfriend and not just a f**k buddy. At the moment that's all that you are, even if she gets on alright with your family and says that she loves you.

These people are right and you have to make up your mind if you really want to be with her or just play the field and try to get someone else that you feel treats you better. Don't blame her for all of the problems because different relationships have different dynamics. You may just not be right for each other, or not ready for a serious relationship. Don't be a doormat but if she isn't happy you have to find out why. It could be that she doesn't want to tell you because she doesn't want you getting upset or angry and it could be that you don't want to confront her because you don't want her getting upset. Could just be that the whole thing is too complicated and that there's too much drama.

Relationships are meant to be fun. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't expect problems but if you aren't making each other happy you probably have to end it if you can't sort things out between you. I kept trying with my ex until she wasn't making me happy at all anymore and I decided that it wasn't worth it and that I was better off alone. I don't think that you've reached that point yet though and frankly, some guy trying to chat her up at parties and her not telling her parents yet that she wants to get back with you is trivial s**t. The girl may not be very bright but that doesn't mean that she can't make her own decisions and needs you to tell her what to do. My last girlfriend was a mixed up young girl that was easily led and not very reliable but all that I did was to give her opinions and advice. Sometimes they can take that as personal criticism, or control freakery and you have to be careful about that. You say that you love this girl but do you really respect her as a person?