I already posted this once in the parenting section, but since its technically a dating question too, I am trying here.


I am a single mom of two children. I have a girl and a boy. Did you have a hard time finding someone that accepted your children? And also how did you approach the subject with kids with your girl? I haven't dated anyone in a long time, and I'm looking to get back into the dating scene. Does your partner have children of their own? And if so how do you get along with them?

If you're closed minded on this subject, please do not respond. No bashing. My choices are my own, so please do not post if your only going to judge me.

(I'm not a lesbian, but I don't think that's relevant for the answers you seek.)
Depends on a couple of things. One is the age of the children (yours and the other's) and the age difference.
I've been in a family situation like that with my two kids, my partner at the time had two kids as well. My kids were 10 and 12, his were 14 and 18. For me it was awkward as I had no experience with teenage kids yet and suddenly I had an 18 year old step-daughter with a huge ego and horrible attitude. And it was somewhat weird for my ex, having to go through the pre-teenage & teenage phase again.

In our case it got very difficult as his kids had been raised rather different from mine. Different norms and values, rules, different "normal" for many things. You think kids will adept, but not all do. My kids turned out to be more flexible, his weren't. They dug in their heels and resisted anything new/different.

For the kids it was difficult too (we'd moved in together). His daughter moved out pretty soon after I moved in. His youngest suddenly became the eldest and my eldest the middle, my youngest remained the youngest. This changing of their roles in the family wasn't easy on them. His son was the most difficult. Being the youngest of his family, he was used to getting away with murder (as many youngest children do). He lost that special place and got terribly jealous of my daughter (the 'new' youngest).

- you still with me? -

Anyway, just to give you an idea what to take into consideration. If you were to meet a long term partner with kids, take it slow. Give kids the chance to get used to it.
And also allow the partner time to get used to it if she hasn't got children of children of different age.

As for dating a potential long term partner, I'd just be upfront about it. If you're aiming for a serious relationship, you can't and shouldn't hide that you're a mum.
When to tell, guess that depends on how things go, how you meet and so on.

Yeah I get what you are saying. And I tend to take things slow, and get to know the person for who they are. I am a very honest person, so that's definitely not a problem. I have been in past relationships both with them having kids and not. I have found that its somewhat easier to be with fellow parents because they tend to be a lot more understanding. Although the one that had no children was a lot more helpful. Its kinda a catch 22, unfortunately.....

I always make my intentions very clear in the beginning, and also that as a mom, my children will always come first. Usually no one has a problem with that. Especially because my oldest is special needs.

(I'm not a lesbian either, but I don't think that's relevant for the answers you seek.)
paddling against the current is impossible, paddling with the current is not necessary, so you would need a sideways course to get out of the river. your situation is not unique, but not as common as a single, straight mother with children. the solution is similar in both cases

your life is no longer your own. you have to set an example and be a role model for your children (both sexes). to show them a loving relationship should not be a priority. concentrate on their schooling, and extra curricular activities. your dating should be done when they are away with grandparents, or dad. for now. once they are older, and can comprehend the choices adults make in relationships, then you can introduce another person to your family

young children often mimic instead of learning and rationalizing for themselves. no need to force them to grow up and make an adult choice to stand up for a choice you are making. let them be kids for as long as you can, because life can be really sucky (you should know that first hand) and they will deal with it soon enough. i guarantee i guarantee that if you wait to have a life, you will find your life will come to you sooner than you thought it would. godspeed, bulldog

(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

My girl accepted my dog.

I accepted her cats.

Me and my girl are lesbians....I am the lesbian with the long boney clitoris and a pair of balls...she is the lesbian who loves me.

....ok...we ain't lesbians...but...if dog people and cat people can find love...there is hope for us all.

Bulldog... obviously.

i did, and i'm not close minded. if you prefer to label me that way it's your prerogative. it makes no difference to me, children can learn biases from straights or gays. i'm just saying they are better suited to learn life lessons at an appropriate age. let them be kids and deal with kid things as long as you can. once again, godspeed

Hey now....Ese is my illegitimate love child....go easy on him. He looks just like me...only....swarthier.

:)

And obviously neither one of you guys are lesbians.... the only one staying on topic so far is CrystalFairy....... even though she's not a lesbian either.

Well there's closed mindedness and there's closed mindedness.

Relationships are relationships whether they are gay or straight.

Kids are kids no matter what their parents sexual orientations are.

Before you get into any kind of long or short term commitment figure out the ramifications it's going to have on your kids, her kids,
all the kids first.

Exactly. I agree with you 100% there. Of course I want the kids to get along, and such. And if she doesn't have kids that's fine too. As I stated my kids are always going to be number 1. Which is why I would be taking things slow, again another thing I stated...

But I'm also not about to rush into anything especially because I do have children. I justddon't know many people where I live, so it's not like I can just go out and ask my friends here.... And it is very vital that she, who ever she may be can accept the package deal. As i will if they have children.

That's just it. Your kids are always going to be number one to you.
Her kids, if she has any, are always going to be number one to her.
Do you see any future conflicts arising from this?
Parenting styles vary tremendously. Not to mention somebody who has no children of their own suddenly coming into the role of a quasi- parent.
Make sure you are both on the same parenting track, before the move in.

Oh dear i wish to suggest you but i have not much experience bcs i have not mairred yet..i am single ...but if my girl have situation like you i will support her and take her child as my own

Hey, nobody is perfect, lol.

Indeed it is important to know you're both on the same parenting track, or very close to it.
If you find someone at some point and things get serious, you might want to find yourself a forum on step families. I found it rather helpful at the time.
But absolutely smart you're thinking about dos and don'ts upfront. Smart girl!

Duh........
And no I really don't see a problem, because I'm being upfront to start with....

Thanks. And I'm a logical thinker. I try to think ahead. After all its not just going to after me. And I don't rush into anything. Especially being a single mom.

But I was woundering if you are lesbian and have a daughter and one day you walk in and fine you lesbian partner have sex with your daughter ... how would you feel about the matter ?

Does that really require an answer?

How about this:
But I was woundering if you are woman and have a daughter and one day you walk in and fine you male partner have sex with your daughter ... how would you feel about the matter ?

Right on the Button,or was it on the Chin!?