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| Topic: eyes | |
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There are eyes that look into your soul
drilling into your heart an open pit never to be filled. There are eyes that sparkle with each laugh filling that open pit with happiness never to be ended. There are eyes that shoot forth a fiery stare trying to burn out the happiness never to be replaced. There are eyes that show such deep sadness revealing the hurt from the anger never to be forgotten. |
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This is lovely.
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Well, Unci, your clear vision here has penetrated the happy fulfillment and the sad disillusionment of love. Nice job! G
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Hey Unci, this is ia cool poem but as a suggestion, what if in the first stanza you changed "open pit," which really sounds very harsh and casts gloom on your verse, with something more calming like "opening" or "openness"? G.
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Wow...beautiful....! now I love my eyes more than before
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Thanks to everyone for the positive comments!
GY your suggestion does take away the harshness from that stanza which needs to be more serene. Thanks! |
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1stsara,
I wrote "eyes" to help express the heartache that I experienced when my husband of 37 years left me for another woman. I just read about your pain. I will tell you to stay positive, take steps forward, and give yourself time to heal before getting into another serious relationship. My yoga practice was a great help to me. Take Care. Unci |
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Very nice
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