ok heres the deal....i have been seeing a great guy for a couple weeks now...hes such a sweetheart, he cooks, cleans, just wants to make me happy. hes always doing sweet little things for me. the thing is, im still not quite over my ex. my ex and i had a pretty rough break up in january, and in may he showed up where i work and wanted to talk about things. we have been talking once in a while since then, and about a month ago he told me he was sorry, he missed me and wanted me back. all i wanted for the longest time was him, but i had put the thought out of my head before he showed back up. things were great when we were together, and i do miss him. i dont think its fair to the guy ive been seeing for me to be dating him if im still thinking about someone else. any advice?

tell the other guy you aren t over ex and set him free. If things do not work out with Ex the new guy may let you back in for being honest

beebee you seem to very honest just tell him your not over this guy but remmber your ex was a ex for a reason.. in being honest you will achieve more .. dont burn your bridges and good luck

I have to agree honesty is the best policy, be fair to both of them!!

Quote:".i have been seeing a great guy for a couple weeks now...hes such a sweetheart, he cooks, cleans, just wants to make me happy. hes always doing sweet little things for me." Unquote.Beebee620

U have used words like: "Great guy; sweetheart; cooks cleans; just want to make U happy; always DOING sweet things; seeing for a couple of weeks......."

SO WHAT DO YOU WANT AGAIN? IS IT NOT THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR?

I am SURE that U told this guy that U n U ex was over. Sure thing. And U will NOT be getting back with him. Now Y should U even consider breaing GREATGUY'S HEART by changing at this time?

The person to wait in line is your ex NOT Great guy.

I learnt long time ago that if a woman took a chance on me while others were afraid to (while saying: "I am afraid U go back with ex) that I should not dump them to SNEAK back with ex. They were good to me at a time when I MOST needed someone while others were afraid they will get hurt, as I said, fearing that I will return to ex and dump them.

You go back with Ex if U DID NOT PICK UP SOMEONE YET.

DO NOT USE ANYONE AS U WON'T LIKE TO BE USED!!!

IF THAT HAPPENS TO YOU AFTER YOU WERE SO GOOD TO A MAN AND HE UPS AND TELL YOU HE IS GOING BACK WITH EX, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?

Well it IS the SAME THING?

My REAL thoughts, I think you and your ex broke up for a very good reason, and NOW he's wanting you back because he wants your warmth, (horny), and misses your togetherness, but I would say that if you two broke up in JAN, and it took HIM "this" long to get back talking to you...
I think YOUR only fooling your-self as to YOU and HIM being OK,,THIS time.
And I would want to make dammm sure that HE really was REAL and TRUE to wanting to get back forever with YOU.
Because THIS new guy sounds like he has fallen in LOVE with you, and when you tell him good bye,,,HE MAY not ever give YOU ANOTHER try!!!
But PLEASE don't use him, and tell BOTH your truth, and never lie or mislead your feelings, as THAT is ALWAYS more painful and confusing to ALL....Just be you, and YOU BE HAPPY...

Dump the ex... what was wrong in the first place- will still be
there. Sorry does'nt always make everything allright...

Tell the new one about how you feel. He sounds like a sweety.
Be honest and open about all of it...

Rather than listening to your heart,
listen to your brain... Remember what went wrong, remember the
reason you broke up... THINK VERY CAREFULLY!
Is it worth getting hurt again? Just casuse you miss him?

Perhaps you should of waited a little longer to get over things;
before you got involved again- but its too late for that.
Goodluck...
JMO

Tell them both that you can't date right now. Focus on yourself. Think and write about what you want from a relationship and what you have actually gotten from relationships. After six months, if you are firmly ready to commit to one or the other (or neither), then you may talk to them again. If after six months you are not ready, then wait another six months.

You are young.

Dang! Accidentally clicked "Post Topic".

You are young, so you haven't got a lot of experiance. It sounds like your current boyfriend is a metro-sexual (what women are told they are supposed to want), is your ex more "manly"? Think about what you really want from a man and not what society tells you to want. Whatever you do, keep in mind that if your break up with your current boyfriend and go back to your ex, you are going to hurt your current boyfriend deeply. If you hurt your current boyfriend, his next girlfriend probably won't be saying "i have been seeing a great guy for a couple weeks now...hes such a sweetheart, he cooks, cleans, just wants to make me happy".

Righ on spider. Good if not hard advise. Don't play both sides of the field. Make a choice and if you can't, stay away from them both until you can. Best wishes, and remember as others have said. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Figure out what that reason was before you make your decision.

I've been kicked to the curb too many times by ppl who said they were over thier ex and then went right back. Made me feel like **** cause I was so good to them and they were going back to someone they said was a jerk......talk about feeling like crap.

actually my ex was a lil more metro than the guy ive been seeing....and the guy ive been seeing knows im not over the ex...he can tell...he brought it up the other day...i havent made any firm committments because i dont know what i want....mike (the new guy) is great....and i dont want to hurt him. Brock (the ex) hasnt gotten a second chance because i need to know that hes not gonna be using me. and i know how it feels to seem used....ive been there before in past relationships....i was so good to people and then i got sh!t on. which is why im trying to figure all this out before anyone gets hurt....

You have nothing to figure out now. You are with Mike already. U are with Mike now. If you were in Mike's position would you have liked to be dumped? Or even have him tell you that U r thinking about Ex? U are up the road now; do not turn back. You have to fight that battle in your mind first. As soon as Ex enters your head, GET HIM OUT; for what ever U keep thinking about, that you will do. THINK ABOUT MIKE INSTEAD; He is doing all those things for you BECAUSE he really loves you and wants to win you while SHOWING you how dedicated he is when he is with a woman. Do not break his heart.
Follow the golden rule which I'm sure you know: "DO NOT DO TO OTHERS WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT DONE TO YOU."
Otherwise you ARE the problem and why you are the ex.
Give your word and keep it. LISTEN TO YOUR BRAIN.
Keep sticking to Great guy and more and more U will forget Ex's Sex techniques.
Being lonely for 6 months plus 6 months will make you most vulnerable to the person you were with before. So who do U think U will go back with when you get a burst of desire to be hugged? Either Ex or both of them at different times; Then U will have both of them calling you a Demon!

I was with a woman some years ago who DUMPED ME FOR HER EX. We told both that we are finished with our Ex. The next thing she starts to come and announce to me in pretty english: "I and (orn)Richard (Richud)had sex last night(lost noight.) That is while I am remaining faithful to her.

Then she tells me that there is a long line of men she has left crying, whenever Richud wants her back as she heads straight back to Richud without even turning corners.

So I start to get problems to function sexually inspite of how much I tried while I listen to how much she's going to bed with Richud. Sometimes I make sometimes I don't.

So one day I say to myself: "But wait! I stupid or whoa? Me ex begging me to go to bed with her and I refusing while this one going to bed with Richud?"

So one day when I could not get an erection, (which could happen when you are hurt by the person you're trying to get THE erection for; women does get dry instead.) I head straight across by ex who was waiting with open arms; immediately, I did not just get an erection but an 'iron bolt erection'

Then she start to put spies on me to see If and when I go by EX unknown to me; Then she says that I am not faithful to her and DUMPED ME SUDDENLY.

I WENT BACK WITH EX.

The next thing? Mike will STOP doing those things and you are going to say that he was pretending all the time, or you will pick a row with him as an excuse to dump him and he will KNOW that is what you are doing. Men are not as stupid as some women think.

This isn't about Mike or Brock..who cares about them! What do you want? The truth of the matter is, its not good to hurt anyone but you have to figure out what YOU want!! If you are IN love with someone...then thats how it is! YOU have to do what you feel is right.
I do have to agree though....the main question is....what is the reason you broke up? Don't say on here, but remember the answer to this and then go from there! Does Brock really deserve you? Even though you are IN love with him...should you really go back?? I think you need to walk away from Mike, he should have never been dragged into this whole situation until you knew it was over. Turn him loose and let him start over.
Then you need to really figure out if you really want Brock or if you were just hurting and he was a habit! Sometimes we fall into thinking we miss someone when really what we truly miss is the routine of being around them. So really stop and think this over before you take him back.....was he with anyone else during your breakup? Did he get dumped by his new girlfriend? Could he be feeling hurt because he thought you had someone new? These are all kinds of things to consider!!
I wish you luck, just don't jump into it with your eyes closed. Think about it and know exactly what you are doing!!

YOU have to LOOK DEEP in YOU,,,...
NO ONE HERE OR IN LIFE,,,WILL EVER BE ABLE TO "LOVE" FOR YOU.

If you don't think YOU could EVER love MIKE,,,LET HIM GO..
If you think Brock is just lonely,,YOUR RIGHT..

Set down with each man,,,and TALK to THEM,,,
THEN, make a choice by what your HEART REALLY FEELS DEEP, about
both of them,then,,,JUST DO IT,,,,what ever "IT" is....

GOOD PEOPLE don't come around TWICE!!!

If I get married and get a wife then we divorce she beomes my ex but if we get remarried she becomes my wife again. Therefore when we get divorced again she becomes my ex again. Ok, I got that straight. 2 times x equals x. Hmmm, hey logic can fail you. I hope you luck with it.

Yeah! What do you want?
Do you want to be called a person who cannot keep their word?
It seems from your writings that U r more leaning towards cruelly DUMPING Mike and going back with Ex; and you wish people could tell U just What you WANT to HEAR, TO CLEAR YOUR CONSCIENCE.

Well that is wrong!! (Deuteronomy: 24: 1-4)
Let's say that you were married (registered) to Mike. Would the paper have made you think differently and say what do I want; I am in love with Ex?

It could be that it was the SAME thing you were doing when you were with Ex, that caused the break up; so you have a soft spot because you know that YOU were the cause. This woman used to be called STUPID by her relatives, for coming back with me EVERY TIME we broke up but she wasn't telling them that SHE was the hurt-giver and cause of the break-ups. Instead SHE HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR ME when I was the one that was stupid.

There a many people like this. They do not care about other people's feelings; only about theirs.
THAT IS CALLED SELFISH, WICKED, EVIL, NASTY. CRUEL AND BS.

How can you lie down spread U legs for a man and then tell him: "I don't want you again. That was a mistake." If a man does that, you will hear how much DOGS AND DEMON AND SCUM women right here will call him.

Listen!!? U think if U go back with Ex, you wont MISS Mike at and then come back here to ask what to do because you NOW feel for Mike's technique?

Well let me tell U something! That is going to happen!!!
The only time you will realize how lucky you were for being with Mike, or just realize that U are missing mike, is when you are back with Ex and done SWEAR to Ex on a whole stack of Bibles, that you will NEVER go back with Mike. Then you might see who is the other lucky person that is going to get Mike, and have the same problem as to what to do because Mike tells you: "Let's try again"

Then you will be going back and forth until the both of them, bawling in pain, dump you.

I was with a woman who use to go back and forth between her Ex and I. Sometimes she will come steaming and say: 'Greiving' I want YOUR technique"; and sometimes when we are screwing, she will give me lessons on HIS technique.
Sometimes BOTH of us are looking for her 12 Oclock in the night; and she with a next man.
Until eventually, BOTH of us let her go. Both of us leave house and everything, almost, for her.

I had to use my mind to tear away, for she was VERY beautiful, and ALSO had GOOD TECHNIQUES.

I deal with these things with my MIND, (as one needs to) not my heart. And people will tell me: "Greiving' I am GLAD you are finished with that CRAZY WOMAN; YOU AINT GOING BACK WITH THAT CRAZY WOMAN???

DO NOT BE A CRAZY WOMAN??????

WTH Greiving??

I don't think you should listen to Greiving...they sound bitter! I think you need to do what fits you best.
Just let me say this...does a man ever question his motives for breaking up with a woman? Does he worry about hurting her? NOOO he sure don't!! Why is everyone giving her such a hard time? Is it because she has 2 men that want her and the tables have turned? PLEASEEE...if this was a man asking advice, how would this turn out

thanks unsure...i am trying to figure all this out before it gets too deep....regardless of what happens...at least 1 person is going to get hurt. i dont want to let it go on until i know what i want, because i think that will hurt more in the end. im not a mean or hateful person, and im mostly asking for advice so i can try to avoid hurting anyone as much as possible. ive been hurt before and do have both the guys in this situation....i just dont think its fair (to them or me) reagrdless of how i feel about either of them to be getting a relationship where im not sure its what i want...ya know?

Tell the new guy what is going on. Tell him that you still have an unclosed chapter from a previous relationship. If he truly cares, he will wait to you figure things out.

I understand this situation, i recently split with my ex, we where together two years, and have a beautiful 1 year old daughter together.

I will always care for this woman, she is the mother of my only child. I have started dating, but everyone I have dated, I have been honest with them and told them about my childs mother, and that I still had feelings for her, and that I would always have some kind of feelings there. People seem to be alot more understanding with these situations if you explain, and become totally honest.