This touches me on so many levels Missy...Beautifully said and absolutely correct...

it's also possible that the whole "workaholic" part is just a convenient excuse for her to use for cheating...

she cheated, no excuses...

Humans want a reason why "this" happened or "that" happened. And this especially applies to a person who cheated. We can say that cheating is cheating, and the reason doesn't matter. But once a reason is given, the person who was cheated on will want to make sure that it never happens again. So, to me, the excuse (or reason) may not matter. But we still want to know why.

If you are willing to give anyone the chance to do you wrong twice.....

You deserve to be done wrong.

7 billion people on the planet...and you will take the chance on someone doing you dirty twice..You deserve to be done wrong.


Ain't no one is special enough to not be done wrong.

Go ahead....fk your ex again.

When it don't work again...pretend like you are stunned and confused.

When someone treats you like crap more than once...it is your own damned fault.

People here will never get it.

Couple of thoughts....She didn't cheat on you "with a stranger" because of anything you did, she cheated on you "with a stranger" because she is dishonest...If you want to try again, the first thing I would suggest is get out of denial...It's not a question of winning her "back", you never had her in the first place....Second, and even more important, ASK HER what kind of romance she wants, not a bunch of strangers...Good luck, you're going to need it....

I would say it is more of an addiction. Its not as bad as it was before though. I used to work a little over 80 hours per week. At least now I'm down to about 50 but I also have responsibilities to a company that I took on way before we met and was upfront with her about my work. I like my work but I love my family.

As a recovering workaholic myself it know that Workaholism is the place where relationships go to die.

If you want to learn how to woo your wife...only she can tell you that.

Personally, I think she should have shared her needs with you before cheating, but I expect people in a marriage to act like adults.

Seems to me that she might have cheated because she saw it as the only way to get your attention and let you know that she isn't happy with your marriage. How did you even find out about it if you work that many hours and have been neglecting her so much?

It sounds like you might be prepared to forgive her and sort your problems out with her, so it hardly matters what people here think about cheating. All that you can really do is to talk to her and tell her how you feel. I think that people can change and if it was just a fling that she had and if you love each other it's possible that you could move on and put this behind you. Good luck.

Bear in mind we don't know whether or not she did that. Almost everyone is jumping to conclusions here, based a mere few lines of text.
A healthy marriage won't go haywire overnight. Even an okayish-marriage won't.
She might have, and probably has, tried to talk about it yonks ago, but how do you have an in-depth conversation about marital problems if the spouse works an average of 80 hours a week?
Even when the partner works 40 hrs a week, it can be tricky to address issues, even more so when there's kids (and I understand there are kids, as OP speaks of "my family").

When you works 80 hrs a week, you're basically knackered when you're not working and not really in the mood or open to a conversation about marriage and problems. A workaholic is probably quite indifferent, as he's only focused on work, so might reject any effort to communicate about it.

I don't find it strange a partner grows susceptible to anyone who's nice to her/him and does give her the attention he/she craves.
Image living for years on end with a partner who's never there, albeit physically or with his mind.
I get seriously lonely, frustrated, hurt, angry and generally unhappy.
Everyone needs love, care, attention, without it, we wither. If your partner doesn't give it to you for a long period of time, we grow susceptible to whomever will give it to us. Quite a normal (and healthy) psychological process --> We're human

I totally agree. I have also done the workaholic thing.... An infidelity is not an excuse I agree with Moe there and it is not his "fault" she cheated. I agree with Leigh there. An infidelity is a symptom the relationship was not top notch (clearly). That is no one's fault. He was a workaholic and she made very poor choices to compete with his job for attention.

She made a pretty big mistake - since the OP sees his part in it - where most people don;t seem to have that level of emotional intelligence - IF she can and will keep a vow to cease furhter infidelities - they have a chance....so I am hopeful for the OP.

it's not over till it's over....so let;s give them a chance. What ever happened to forgiveness and self examiniation....whatever happened to "let those without blame cast the first stone"

I see a lot of stone casting on here ..... from those who have never made a mistake, I assume..lol

I tend to agree, great post with very clear ideas!

You are so right!! Sometimes just don't understand people!

I think you are correct. I do have a hard time expressing myself. Maybe I will and maybe I will not get back with her but I do not want to get back to this point in my life so I am trying to express my feelings and I just need to find a way. Its way too lonely being by yourself.
Thanks everyone for your opinions and help.

Once a cheater always a cheater move on.

DON'T DO IT!

My ex-wife cheated on me, when we first got married, literally 6 weeks after.(we had been dating for 4 years prior to marriage, and lived together for 2 of those). So we got married, and then I went in the service(which she encouraged), and while I was in boot-camp she cheated on me. She blamed this, and that, and that if only "I" had done something differently then perhaps "she" wouldn't have cheated. So I like a dumb-*** tried to make it work, I figured we were i another state, away from all the negative people(who she blamed for her actions) and that we could start over. It was hard as hell to trust her again, but we went to counseling and did what we could(we were both working on it, or so I thought) it lasted for about 4 more years. But guess what? she cheated on me again, with a few different people while I was underway on deployment. All I can say, is deployments were always more fun for the single guys, I look back and wonder where I would have been if only I had the balls to let her go the first time.

I'll end with this, TIME is the one quantity in life that you can NEVER get back. It is more valuable than any thing else.

Let's say you are going away for awhile, and you needed someone to watch your car for you. You left it with them, and then when you went to pick it up you found out they sold it, would you ever leave a car with them again? Probably not! Instead you'd leave it with someone else. Well you're time is valuable, don't give it to someone who already threw it away, give it to someone else

I have no stones to throw. Ladies don't have stones. I know this cause I took anatomy.

mightymoe is right. her value system said its ok to go out of the relationship to get what she wants . can you live with the risks knowing she gives her self permission to do it. only if she really is able to understand how much it hurt you maybe. ..the key word is empathy, no empathy no deal,get on with your life.... work on yourself ...you had a part in this that is much deeper than what it looks on the surface..... good luck ....

I am sorry that you have been hurt, and heart broken. I know it is so painful and you feel so alone. I promise that you can survive this. Love is the meaning of life...the lack of it is the problem. To win her back, you must move on and onceagain be happy and self sufficient. Take pride in yourself, love life, be optimistic...she will notice. She will remember why she fell in love with you to start. Love yourself, it is so very attractive. Do not make gestures to win her back....become happy with you, next thing you know she will be chasing after your love and you will realize you don't really need her to feel wonderful....but if she is lucky, damn lucky, you will maybe let her feel your wonderfulness too. I was crushed too, I hope I can feel love again too. Best of luck to you.

For it to work again, you both have to be mature about it. I got back with my ex yesterday, after he wanted to talk things through with me. I guess his love life was as dead as mine. We realized we wanted to make it work. Especially where family-planning is concerned. When I think of the bond we have with each other, I often think it's not worth leaving alone, because of who he is. He has a heart of gold. So just make sure you both are respectful and honest with each other. Just put it all out there.