Of course married couples have to work on communication, which is what the author encourages.

However, the author is also describing a scenario in which the problem isn't with communication. Instead, the problem is that the wife rejects what the husband believes/thinks, and thus, she talks "more, longer, or louder". The author writes, "Women often conclude that their husbands don't care because they haven't changed after a particular conversation."

In short, unless the husband agrees with his wife and makes the change that she wants, she will keep talking in an attempt to get her way.

It is a problem with communication, as they have not found what style of communication works best for them. If one way works for one and another way works for the other, it isn't going to work. They need to work together on finding out what style of communication will work for both of them together.

You seem to be blaming all of this on the women. Perhaps she's trying to discuss with the man about how to work out the problems and he just wants the conversation to end. That's not going to solve any problems.

FWIW, of course the mistakes listed in the OP aren't gender specific, but that doesn't mean that such mistakes being made by wives can't be acknowledged.

That is not what I get from the article. What I get is, if a wife tells her husband that she wants him to make a change, and if the husband chooses not to make that change after hearing his wife's request, then the wife will keep talking about her request even after the husband has already given his answer to her.

I just gave my opinion on communication and it's importance. If you disagree, that's fine. I'm not going to argue with you about it.

At least you acknowledge that I have replied to your stated opinion.

Anyway, I didn't disagree on the importance of communication.
I merely said that the article's author is describing a wife's response to communication that has already taken place.

This is the most disrespectful thing ever! You might as well spit on him while your at it. If it's really getting that bad, talk to family or a councilor. If it's even worse than that then talk to the police. Husbands/boyfriends are not drama games for your friends.

2. You think that talking about these problems with your husband is the answer.

I do believe good communication is a must in a relationship. I also think there's a notable line between communicating and beating a dead horse. So, I suppose it would depend on how intense the communication gets and for how long it's been...well, beaten to death as to how I feel about this one.

3. You believe that your happiness depends on your husband changing.

If I loved him when I married him, then I would think I would want him NOT to change. My happiness is dependent on none but myself.

4. You live parallel lives.

I'm not familiar with this term.

5. You focus on what's wrong.

Criticism begins and ends with a bad attitude.

6. You utter these deadly words: "I deserve ... "

I agree with this unless the sentence ends with. "... to get as good as I give."

still gigglin!! wink

I forgot to say that IMO, these things don't lead to divorce.

Bad attitudes lead to divorce.

However all of the things the author states in this list are born of bad attitudes, so these things may very well be present in someone with an attitude geared toward divorce.

All I know is the husband or boyfriend shouldn't deny himself what makes him happy to live a sad life and make the lady happy. Hence a day will come when he seeks for joy elsewhere.

not me

I walk

the communication is not over, however, until both parties agree that it is. a husband who thinks he can decide that the communication is over is an arrogant fool who does not deserve a wife. the degree to which the scenario that you describe shows a husband who diminsihes his wife's value by an abusive disregard that she wiches to continue talking is an abuser

Right, so if a woman constantly nags me and puts me down about something and I tell her that I don't want her to keep giving me that sort of abuse, that makes me the abuser?

missed to read some of the recent replies.. and sorry for that.. right now..

there is nothing women should or men should because it is a blame game then. there is nothing like i am like that so that's final, then it becomes dictatorship. Both "should" understand "why/how"-s for the opposite gender amd try to make the relationship work.

men mostly never tries to understand women that is why they say u can never understand a woman. lol.

Parallel lines (lives) never overlap or cross over, they run in a straight line completely independent of each other....In many or most marriages, this type of lifestyle would be a deal breaker....

As for the other 5, redundant, but factual....Biotching to your friends about your husband's actions is disloyal...

Talking something to death is the fastest way to drive a man away, men respond to action, not words...

Both men and women make the mistake of thinking they can change a person, but women are far more likely to use this technique as a way of "fixing" marital problems...

Since women are more emotional (hormonal) and more communicative they not only focus more on negative aspects, they rant about them, cry about them, agonize over them, become distraught about them and THEN.........look to their man to fix them, this is a fact ladies. We're natural born worriers...

Last, both men and women do this....But a man who is working his azz off to support his family is going to react badly to any sentence his wife begins with the words, "I deserve", especially if she does it in the heat of an argument...Simple fix, just change "I" to "we" and continue trying to communicate your feelings.....

DITTO~~~~~

Humm I never did bash my ex around other women...mainly because I did not believe in telling others my personal business... our marriage ended not because of what I did or did not do but due to what his choices were...

Ohh and for the record I'm not bashing him just stating the facts... I actually talk to my ex even after being divorced for 21 years.. What happen, happened we are past that and have dealt with it..

Humm I guess these two really blow my mind....

Communication between to people are very critical with that you have nothing and can not work things out...

The problem with some men/women is that once that problem is resolved they don't know how to let them go and move on...

But you have to talk things out to make a relationship works.... each person has to have their time to do the things they enjoy without the other at times....

When a husband and his wife have a disagreement in which neither party is willing to conform to the other party's desire, an impasse has been reached, at which time it is useless for either party to try to keep talking about the disagreement. As someone else put it, any additional talking about the disagreement would be "beating a dead horse".

This "beating a dead horse" is what Teresa Atkin is referring to in the second "mistake" that she describes.

I Agree......

Well, a wife who thinks that she can get her way by beating a dead horse is an arrogant fool who does not deserve a husband. Such a wife diminishes her husband's value by an abusive disregard of his beliefs that he has already made known.