I married right out of high school and seven years and a child later that came to an abrupt end. I've only been in one serious relationship after that and now I find myself in my thirties, alone and do wish I could find someone. I'm to the point now though that it's whatever will be will be. All expectations out the window and being single has become my normal.

So what's the problem? I've come to realize for me that it's partially location but mostly it's me.

People come and go here on the Big Island all the time. Those who can live here have $$$ and are usually older and not in my dating range, many times they're here to retire. There are really young women who leave for the mainland to go to college and don't usually return, young couples trying to pursue the fantasy of life in paradise who eventually go back, or there are a few locals in my age range that make it here somehow with their families' help, it's just that I don't share a lot of common interests with typical Hawaiian upbringing. I'm not racist at all, it's just I have found that for me, I'm more compatible and have more in common with Caucasian women. I'm more than willing to be proven wrong in that observation.

Location is really just an excuse though, since the issue is really me. I deal with social anxiety and don't go out a lot. I tend to avoid situations I feel uncomfortable in and first dates fit the bill. Meeting new people is tough for me. When it comes to love, I'm not the one to make it happen, I wait for it, like a strike of lightning. It's struck a few times for me but lately it feels like my luck has run out. I think I'd fit best with an understanding women or one who also knows what it's like to be a socially retarded, introverted might be a better way of putting it =)

I'd like to think everyone has a companion out there, someone to add to every aspect of their lives. I hope I'm right and not the exception.

hang in there.we all have times like this.i live alone and am quite happy to do so.if you are happy with yourself first am sure the rest will come.as we say here,whats meant for you wont pass by you.relax,enjoy being you.be thankful for the things you do have and if love comes along,bonus.

actually I think location can play a bigger role than you give it credit for. So can cultural differences - not necessarily race, but sometimes that is part of the cultural differences...especially when it come to things like manners, and equality of women.

I am around a lot of people much younger and though they are great company, I do not meet many people in my age range or from a similar social/educational background to my own. It actaully makes for a corner of unhappiness though I am otherwise a happy person.

I feel that has been a major impediment. So don't be too hard on yourself. You can't meet people who are not there to meet.

I think we have been ,,,,culturally primed, to believe in fairy tales and have a need for 'romantic' relationships and being 'completed' by others,,,etc,,,


IT is hard to break our addiction to the idea of love and romance, but I am finding that there are all types of satisfying love that have nothing to do with romance, and learning to live with an appreciative spirit for those more sustainable types of love (like our family or our true friends,,and the most underrated of all self love),, can lead to a satisfying and happy life too

dont ever settle, being alone this long is proof that you can be just fine without the much promoted 'romance' , try to find the blessings you have and IF there is someone, when they come, you will know and they will probably be all the more enticed by someone they know wants and loves them but is already happy on their own as well,,,

I think location can only be an excuse if you want it to be. All my female friends are older than me, but it means we have similar taste in music, at least. lol. I feel like they watch over me and guide me. Very sweet of them. I only have a few male friends, too. Weirdly, their all younger. . I get the social anxiety thing. Once you understand how your brain can trick you in the fight or flight phrase, you understand that your brain is lying to you. It's telling you that you can't get through it, when that's not how it should be. It's the "What if's?" talking. As long as you're determined with willpower, you will. Our brain sends us the wrong signals. As long as you have a goal, and can stay positive about it, then nothing can really stop you. You just have to learn to switch off the part telling you that you can't. I get angry if someone says something like "Well, at least you have me to do your shopping for you". It's nice, but it won't teach me anything except how to stay being a scaredy cat, when I really need to go outside. lol.

Many people do not have a companion. I have No problem getting a date and I am a Older lady but have not met that "special" man for LTR as of Yet. I believe meeting the right person is the key for a Long Term relationship. Many people have dates in their areas available if they choose that.

Location is just my second on the list.. My main problem is trust.

i don't have a problem with trust, i don't trust anyone...

Lol. i will consider that.

Winlei, if your location is a problem, then the single men in your location must be crazy.

Import one.
From Mingle2.
Like I did :-)

Being single can be a huge blessing when it comes to your needs. It depends on how you view it. If its cynical then yes, it's self-inflicted, if you're comfortable with who you are and know you're worth anything you deserve then dwelling over why won't seem like such a burden. Takes the edge off. We all deserve what we project. If it's nothing then it should be obvious.

you stated 'i deal with social anxiety n dont go out alot',,the best bet, as it seems to me, would be to take baby steps getting out there where people are. just a short trip to a convenience store 4 a drink may be a good start,,progress from there; when u find ur self feeling scared n isolating,,get out of the house for SOMETHING, you can do it,,only you can! blessings!

100% right

lol,,,i need help learning how to use the 'quote' thingy here!!

Good Guys are single and looking for a good girl;good girls choice the wrong guy and they think everyone is same..I would like to meet friends here firts..I want to have American friends!! ^_^

Ya, right dude. Dats the problem with girls.