i have a physical disability. are women afraid ?

I am only afraid of spiders... and women... and spiderwomen

You are a prize to someone, so start acting like it and she will come.

im also disabled

and i dated a guy a few yrs back
(no i didnt meet him on here)

he become disabled after a semi accedent
we wernt together very long
for i felt that he couldnt emotionally support
his ownself as well be emotionally supportive towards me

we still talk every now and then

Well, if it's the Mountain Dew you are outta luck.

Women afraid? Nah. However, you might not be able to give them the kind of lifestyle that they seek.

that all actualy depends

I'm glad to finally see some one post this. I'm disabled myself, I'm partially paralyzed on the left side. I hold down a f/t job as a Supervisor. I've often wondered if a woman would date someone like myself. Then again people have also told me that they didn't realize I'm disabled until pointed out to them either. This has made me feel shy around women. What is the right time to tell someone you are corresponding with online about your disability? Reason, I'm thinking because they can't physically see you that this would scare them away.

ReSQueMan92

Having had disabilities most of my adult life and known hundreds if not thousands of disabled people with a wide range of disabilities over the years I can put out some ideas. I don't expect any group to agree with all of it and experiences vary. If you live in or attend conferences in major metro areas you will have a more diverse experience than in you live in a small community where you may have fewer peers.

My experience is it depends on the PERSON and who they are and less on the disability.

I know people with relative invisable undetectible even very mild even temporary disabilities that were such a pain in the well you can guess; that they were so intolerable to be around they could not have bought a date.

And I have known people that have what anyone would consider a profound disability and they were the hottest thing on the market that I would have and many others would have jumped to go out with or marry. Personality and personal self acceptance seems to be the one determining factor there. If you like yourself other people are going to like you.

I know literally hundreds of couples that met and married regardless. I actually had a thriveing party planning bussiness that catered to budget weddings and got known for doing weddings that could accomodate significantly disabled people in the wedding party so I have maybe 50 marriages I could name that over the years lasted longer than the norms. By majority most of them were legit marriages based on love and relationships not just one party being a meal ticket which sadly some do assume or even sometimes promote themself as being. It may not be widely known but many military families have one or more people with disabilities because once they are in the military they tend to stay in to keep the insurance if they can. I do warn anyone about NOT marrying only for the money because the money always seems to go away ,chronic disabilities usually get more expensive over the years, and then so does the relationship but most people who do marry someone who has a disability if they do a normal courtship figure out the economic realities and they do about average to anyone else. Maybe a tad better because once you learn to manage a disability you can apply that knowledge in other areas of your life. If a person has a physical disability tyey tend to be more stable in their living accomodations since what is accessible is rare and it is harder to move around. True some of us do better than others and finally the myths are being debunked about employuing people with disabilites so employment is improveing but having a job is a big plus in dateing if you are under 65. If not a job at least a vocation where you have a setting you get out in the world to particapate in. Homebodies don't tend to do as well in socializeing and dateing. But some of "us" are substantial breadwinners and highly educated independent people so itdoesn't mean a life a poverty necessarily. Many entrepenours are in fact PEOPLE FIRST who got tired of waiting to be hired and started their own businesses.

My feeling is dateing is still a challenge in certain settings especially if someone has physical barriers to deal with but now so many people are mainstreamed that if you don't live in a really remote location the fact that you have a disability is going to not be that big a "novelty". If anything people with disabilities have become kind of "invisable" or people expect those with disabilities to figure out how to deal with it. Which carries over to the whole dating situation. If you have a "difference" then be upfront about how that might affect a date and do things you can do and enjoy on the date like anyone else. If you have to take medication, don't or can't drink, can't or won't bungee of a tall building most could care less because to one degree or another they are just like you. People see you out having fun that is way more likely to get you a date than trying to talk them out of why they should not date you beating the particualars of your disability to death.

Thankfully modern media has dispelled a lot of the common myths about the more common disabilities and people know more so less "education" needs to be imparted. Most people want dates not training on the disabled culture and minimal "education" is enough. And they will ask when they have a "need" to know. I have always worked from the premise that if you can not see it and it does not effect where I am at in the relationship I don't have to advertise the details. I have however found there is an easy way to Put the information out there with a picture or listing it in my activities and interests. When I consistently used a wheelchair or crutches and a blind cane I put a picture of me useing those "tools". Currently I don't need them but if I know someone I will probably share a photo when the relationship developes to the point that they want to know that history or the potential for that to return. I did decided early in the game (early 20's) I had the kids I was going to have and clearly stated that in my profilesbecause some people do insist on biologial contirbutions to their offspring (still do but lol at 59 few expect that pregnancy is and issue with me) but that is generally the only fact I thought needed to be told. But then I have always pretty much ONLY dated someone I would consider "Spouse material". I have always had enough friends to hang out with that dating was something I did with more purpose. If the "M word" is not in your future generally it is also good info since as much as people say that dating has changed it hasn't.

One exception is a catageous disability or an invisable disabilities, which are generally seen as a lie of ommission; especially mental health disabilities or a disability that can unexpectedly flare such as seisures or respiratory reactions or the inability to drive are one area I do think you are kind of spitting in the wind if you do not generally tell people before you go out on an in person date. It is not fair that they are treated differently but if you have a condition that is chroniclly going to impair your ability to particapate or may require your date stepping in at a moments notice it is probably going to be in every ones best interest to be honest about it pre-date. My feeling is if someone does not want to deal with whatever you have to deal with you are better off not wasteing your time and emotional energy dateing them in the first place. The good news is often surpriseing the number of people who have parents, siblings, best friends, co-workers that have a wide range of these types of disabilities and see those who do as PEOPLE FIRST so don't count OUT a date until and unless they tell you "thanks but that may be a bit much for me". Those are alwayshard words to hear and I would be a collossal liar if I did not say I have shed my own tears and tears for my child and a grandchild over people's "Inability" but life is not for sissies and sometimes we are less disabled than some who are "inable". Chock it up to their loss.





.

Couple things I left out sorry I tend to ramble.

A great venue for meeting people who will accept you as a PEOPLE FIRST is any activity that caters to people with disabilities, the medical community, high risk professions (especially veterans), or as I mentioned owner operator businesses. If you don't want to be a social worker or become a "Advocate" that is fine, really, but by associateing with these groupes you often can meet a really great person who is already there at accepting you. And don't kid yourself some serious flirting, hooking up, and many marriages do get "started" at the social settings for these activities and many of them just are easier to navigate because they have thought about some of the access issues.

The second thing is read all the tip articals on how to write a killer profile and spend some bucks for lots of pictures. I know it is hard to put yourself out there with a disability but a picture with a big beaming smile and a few showing you LIVING your life will open so many more doors you will be amazed. Also widen your age parameters. Just because you want to date a certain range if you you are serious about meeting someone don't lock out any referrrals that someone might make for a friend or loved one once they get to know you by being epals.

I-too am Disabled. Not confined to a wheelchair, though am recieving a government check. Personally-speaking? ...I don't think women are afraid. I think some(not all women)hope to find someone whos' active and can be active as they are. Plus a lot of people don't want to be looked at as if they're a "Nurse and a Purse". And when it comes to the sex of it, they also want someone that can preform.
I'm not saying that these circumstances surcome to everybody with disabilities, though it is something to consider.
My Mother is seeing a guy that is disabled and even-though it is limiting, she just has a different appreciation for him, and both of them are pretty understanding of each other situations. He does her that he doesn't want to hold her back and he doesn't as far him being independant and letting her do her own thing too.
I think no matter what a person ability or disability is, everybody has limitations. Whether it's physically, mentally, or psychological, ect. But look at it this way ...it's a good way to weed people out ;) --to see which one's are good, realistic, understanding, empathetic, and heart-felt. And the rest that aren't worth the time.

Try to think of it "that" way ;)

actually the best time to let them know
is right off the bat
some dont get scared away

for when i talk to someone
i let them know about my health issue
and my disabilty
right off the bat
and if that bother them.. oh well
thats there loss not mine

The best time, to let them know, is when you feel, you will meet the person in person. Often times, people meet in person, and the other person has not been honest, about physical appearance. Many woman, who say they are not overweight are, when the man sees her, he is turned off. Overweight is not always a real diability, I know that. Honesty is the key, if a person is seeking a true Relationship. A man friend told me, he was tired of women posting Old photos when they looked attractive.

u have a yahoo account?

I had a woman on here the other day telling me that I'm not a gentleman when I said that I have mobility problems and that I tell women on dating sites that if they want to meet me then the first date has to be in my home town.

It's a tough one and people in this situation are going to just make judgments based on their personal prejudices when deciding whether or not they want to date you when they don't really know you and don't really know how you would get on if they gave you a chance.