I've thought long and hard on whether or not to post this. I guess
because when I do, I'm basically putting my history out there. I would
appreciate some feedback if y'all have it though. Thx!

I was involved in an 8 yr relationship a yr and 8 months ago. I left him
because I couldn't handle the drinking and hanging out with the friends
at all hours almost every night while I was at home with the kids. He
wasn't or isn't an alcoholic and was never abusive, never cheated on me
or anything bad for me to leave. I just simply got fed up w/ the
boozing. Anyway, we have 2 kids together and live in the same town so we
see and talk to eachother pretty often. I know that if we didn't have
kids together, we wouldn't. Anyway, after I left, I became involved with
a guy about a month later. I was with him for a yr and 3 months until
just 3-4 months ago. I broke it off with him for trust issues and
because I didn't see a future with him. I'm 32, he's 24.

Anyway, the father of my kids, we'll call him J, was and is a good man.
He really is. He's what every woman would hope to have. Anyway, during
the last 3 years of our relationship, I just didn't enjoy being with him
intimately. I loved him but fell out of love. I tried but couldn't bring
myself to feel that way again. I'm not one to stay with someone if I'm
not happy or for the sake of the kids. With the second guy, P, I found
passion. Although he couldn't and never offered me anything, the
intimacy was great. Whether it was in the bedroom or just cuddling to a
movie on the couch, it felt like heaven. We broke up and made up for
like the last 6 months of our time together. I guess it was one of those
love/hate things. And for a while there, I kept asking myself if it was
really love or just lust. When we weren't together, I found myself
missing him. When I would go out and party, all I could see was his
face. I had fun but missed him. His name and face was all I could think
about no matter where I was. It sucked! So anyway, we always got back
together when we realized just how much we missed the other but it never
lasted for more than a week and then we would break up again.

Now he is gone and has been for a few months. J wants me back. Always
has to be honest. I love him, always have. He's the father of my kids
and we have history. There is a future there. With P, there isn't. I
believe there isn't. I don't think about P like I used to when we
weren't together. I find it getting easier as each day goes by. J and I
aren't back together but since P left the picture, we've been hanging
out. Have had sex. It's just not there for me though. I don't feel "it".
But I keep telling myself that if I love him, I can fall back in love
with him.

I guess what I'm asking opinions on is what would you do. Do you go back
to the one who is great for you, you have a solid promising future with
but the in love part isn't there but you're willing to try again. Or do
you go back to the other guy (P) because he just makes you feel special
in every single possible way but know that there isn't a future there.
Or do you just leave them both alone and move on?

There it is. That's me.

Woman... can be so stubborn!
You still have massive heat for (P)... so call and talk to him then go
from there.

i'd move on without either of them.

Hazeleyedbeauty,
Remember, you will always have a place in your heart for J you have
history, plus 2 kids together. You're not feeling J and that's not fair
to J. You mentioned that you wouldn't stay with someone for the sake of
the kids. J will always have a responsibility with the 2 kids. P, you
had passion for but, didn't see any future with. It really seems like
you need some space. You know what you want at least passion and someone
you see a future with. You never want to settle if it's going to have an
effect on your happiness. You have 2 precious kids to think about and
your happiness will have an effect on your kids. Be patient, search and
you will certainly find that special someone whether or not it's "J" or
"P" or X,Y,Z......

EFP

God, I think I'm P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hazeleyedbeauty,
All....I mean ALL I can tell you is.....if you want P, don't fuck
with his heart, you really need to make a go for it, not just try!!! I
mean go all out. I have been there and still am in the biggest delima of
my 50 years on this earth!!! I have taken my ex back only to be dumpped
for the low life that I am sure she left me for but I am glad that was
not your case. But my ex has laid that same guilt trip on me and I am
sure I was guilty of this sometimes. I don't mean out with the boys but
just the feelings in general that you have had towards your ex. I have
heard those exact words, I fell out of love with you. Just make sure of
your decision for your sake and his and the kids, god forbid, for sure
let them know your intentions and talk to them and ask their opinion!
Good luck girl, do what your heart says and not what common sence tells
you! Use good judgement, you damn sure don't want to go back to what you
didn't want! And beleive me, it's hard as hell to change!
Nerves

Why do you feel you need to go back with one of them> Why settle? I was
with a addict for 10 years and YOU NEVER get back what was once there.
Drugs booze doesnt matter. Have you thought about looking into co-da it
is for people who are co dependant, I am not saying you are at all but
it kind of sounds like it from your post. Learn how to love life without
a man and enjoy yourself. When we learn to love ourselves then we allow
healthy people love us also, Please dont take this as a personal attack
as that is not my intentions at all. LET them BOTH go and be happy
single.

I think you have the answer, but need someone to tell you what you
already know.
I would take some space from both of them and do some soul search before
I make a decission.

wasn't xyz what she liked about p. i'm just jiddin.

Kingbreeze,
You just had to go there.. you aint right..

lol. i know i ain't right EFP. it was just a joke though

Kingbreeze,
I know it's all good...

hey EFP why I can't see your profile?

Morena
It should be there.

Humm well EFP has it too the T, But..I say you need some time without
either.

And you seem to be making excuses for J and his drinking, Hate to say it
but..I bartended for 10 years and anyone that drinks one drink every day
and can not go with it every day is considered and alcoholic believe it
or not. Seems to me J needs a wake up call on the drinking.

And if you decided to go back with J then girl tell him you need more
excitement in the sexual department and tell him what you want they
can't read minds.

Ohhh and EFP we know some of the conversation start getting deep in
these post and one of us always try to lighten up the mood with a remark
nothing meant by them just a short laugh then back to buisness but we in
no means are laughing at the question on the post take time to get to
know us its all kewl

By the way EFP welcome to the site and you seem to have a lot of
knowledge by your answers you give very good with your words hope to see
ya around more.

TxsGal3333,
Thank you for inviting me to the site. There is no doubt, that you will
be hearing from me. Appreciate the 411.

hey txs
you alwas have a good advice
I agree with you,
one drink every day?
sounds like posible problems with alcohol.

Thank you, Morena actually that is what I learned when I went to
bartending school many moons ago and it is true to fact for I seen many
that could not go a day with out it. Heck I actually got to be an expect
witness on stand once when a friend of mine was trying to get custody of
his kid lol that was kewl and he got custody of his son too that was the
best thing.

Well, instead of having one drink a day... what if you have 7 drinks in
2 hours, and none for the rest of the week... are you still a alcoholic?

LMAO @ Ontario