Actually; no he wasn't working and no he wasn't contributing to the household funds. However even if he was; he still could help with household chores as he is living there and contributes to the mess of the house. I am not his maid and cook. Are you saying that if he is contributing to half the bills that he shouldn't help with household chores as well? Also, why did he volunteer to do a job if he had no intention of doing it? I waited three weeks; asked him once after waiting for two weeks(apparently that is nagging according to him) did it myself; then he got mad; started yelling at me and said he was going to do it and I shouldn't have done it. This made him feel useless as a man. I have read pages and pages of men on this site saying they want to be needed and there way of being needed is doing things for women. When a woman does things for herself; it hurts his ego and he feels less like a man. Its silly to me but that seems to be the way of the world.

Actually; no he wasn't working and no he wasn't contributing to the household funds. However even if he was; he still could help with household chores as he is living there and contributes to the mess of the house. I am not his maid and cook. Are you saying that if he is contributing to half the bills that he shouldn't help with household chores as well? Also, why did he volunteer to do a job if he had no intention of doing it? I waited three weeks; asked him once after waiting for two weeks(apparently that is nagging according to him) did it myself; then he got mad; started yelling at me and said he was going to do it and I shouldn't have done it. This made him feel useless as a man. I have read pages and pages on different threads of men on this site saying they want to be needed and there way of being needed is doing things for women. When a woman does things for herself; it hurts his ego and he feels less like a man. Its silly to me but that seems to be the way of the world.

First of all, if you were working and supporting him, he should have been doing ALL the household chores as well as taking care of a god part of your personal needs like laundry.

Second, if both partners contribute equally to household funds, then both should be cleaning up after themselves. But, neither should be asking the other to do extra duty. I don't know about you, but cleaning up after myself doesn't normally include hanging selves of fixing doors.

Maybe some men do feel that way. I've never heard of it, but I don't have your perspective. The only thing I ever wanted from a woman is for her to acknowledge and appreciate that I do work hard and am tired when I come home. It sounds like you've never dated a man, only boys.

If the thing he did required a new shelf, there would be a new shelf. Since he doesn't need one it's easy for it to slip his mind. However, because the job isn't done when you want it done doesn't mean he never planned on doing it. So yes, you were nagging him. And no, he should not have gotten pi$$ed when you did it yourself.

After 3WEEKS?? Then NG should have waited for 2months before she realised that these shelves are really needed,yet she could do it herself??
comeoooooon!!
If Mr wanted to work on these shelves,the first week was the time(if not a few days after him volunteering for the job!!!)
NG,am with you-you go girl!

I think the best solution would simply to have installed the shelf yourself in the first place and never asked him at all. However, since he wasn't working, he should have been kicked him out for not pulling his weight, not nagged.

When partners are mature and caring and considerate of each other no one has to resort to nagging....All of this "nagging stuff" reminds me of the old "Dagwood/Blondie" cartoon strip...It all seems so "old-school" to me...Hard to believe that couples still play this kind of "stuff" out today...It's the old "battle of the sexes" played out in modern relationships. And it never leads to happiness or closeness or anything "good.".. It's an ongoing war and battle that leads to divorce court or eventual "break-ups" or years and years of misery...Everything doesn't have to be a "contest of wills" or a "do or die competition."...In mature and healthy relationships couples work together to make decisions and get work done as "team-players.".. Their relationship doesn't involve silly (kid-like) "power-struggles" or games etc.

I agree with you 100%. This is why I never ask anything of my partner other than we enjoy the time we spend together. But, I've yet to meet a woman that didn't insist I do things beyond that. She wants not only a lover, but also a general handyman. If she demands extra duties of me I should get something in return from her. Something I want. So, we have to negotiate and compromise. Each of us agree to do things we don't want to do to please the other. I think this is a poor substitute for happiness.

Why not just take care of the things she finds important and let me do the same? Then there's no nagging or drama and everything gets done in a timely manner.

My husband and I had skills in many different areas and took pride in being well-rounded...In many ways we were almost "interchangeable." But we did have a few specialty areas...I'll be honest. I had a lot of resistance to "sharing" and "merging" right at first and said so...I had been with a few control-freaks in the past and had fears about being "taken-over" and losing my independence...It took me awhile to see and realize that my husband wasn't like men from my past...But I finally "got it." And relaxed and enjoyed being best friends with him...He wasn't out to "change me" or "use" or "abuse" me or take me to the "cleaners."...He "enjoyed me." He didn't want me to change. Or be someone else...And I definitely "enjoyed" him too! Wow! I learned so many wonderful things from him through the years. And he learned from me too...Our life was full of surprises because we both had minds and ideas and insights of our very own. Neither one of us felt bored!

Okay; let's try this one more time. I never asked him to hang the shelf as I was going to do it myself but he volunteered; even insisted that he would and should do it as I gave him a place to live. Second; I only asked him once after waiting for two weeks if he intended to hang the shelf; so that is not nagging; it is simply asking a question. If I bugged him constantly about when he was doing this; then that would be considered nagging. After week 3; I said nothing and did it myself.

Thanks Newbie Chick. You got it that he volunteered to the job. I never asked him and was very willing to do it myself but he insisted that he do it. I had stuff sitting on the floor for two weeks waiting for that shelf. I also knew that if I went ahead to put up the shelf that there would be a fight which is what happened after week 3 as he got mad at me for doing it myself.

Yeah. A lot of us have prejudices that depend only on how we see other people. There is a lot about male behavior that I've never personally experienced because I don't date men. I've come to learn, though, that there are essentially no behaviors uniquely male or female.

It would be hard for me to live with a man (or even a woman) who was "touchy." Talk about "walking on eggshells!" There's no telling how someone like this may "react" from moment to moment...I prefer to be around level-headed people who are "approachable" and "reasonable!"...This "nag stuff" reminds me of a phase my older son went through when he was a teenager. Thank goodness he finally grew out of it but I guess some men don't. Sad! Sad for them and sad for the women who "hook-up" with them! Don't you think? Sorry about your experiences.

True !

What kind of talk do you find unnecessary? Can you provide an example?

Men don't talk as a form of social interaction and women don't share information?

I love women that like to talk and communicate. It's entertaining! But if all they ever do is complain about life, that's a different story.

Is there any other kind of women?

Complain? Like the OP?

You left out the fact that plenty of men talk a lot because they enjoy being the center of attention.

If you don't believe me, then you should hear some of the preachers and politicians that I've heard.

Don't many women do the same? These aren't gender specific examples.