I'm curious what others think about this topic. It seems to me that online has become a secondary "nightclub" where a woman can feel desired with no intention of actually participating. The computer screen is so impersonal it seems like the perfect place to get validated in secret. I have to admit, after a shitty day, to come home to a bunch of messages from women saying I'm sooo hot, etc... would make me feel a bit better about myself.

There should be a check box to say if a woman has ever actually met in person, someone they've met online before. Because frankly I think it's another way for women to validate themselves. Pretty negative, but I think it's realistic. Women can meet a guy ANYWHERE. If they want to meet a guy all they have to do is dress up and go out. EASY. Why go through the effort to meet someone online? I guess it means you don't have to deal with the needy guys who can make you uncomfortable when you're out. But it's so much harder to get a feel for someone through text and a simple profile.

How many women are actually meeting people they've met online? With the plethora of messages any attractive woman receives, how is it possible to screen anyone enough to know they're safe to meet?

Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :)

-Trev

Mmm I know a few men on here, who simply need
the attention, with no intentions of it going
any further.

So, I would say anyone is capable of this.

I DO think there are more men than women on dating
sites, giving women more options, maybe tis that
men feel safer, whereas tis a learned thing for women.

I believe this is why they have forums, as a
communication tool, to get to know people and weed
out those whose intentions do not match your own.

I can't speak for all women but I'm here for laughs - to entertain and be entertained. It's true about women being able to meet guys anywhere(clubs, bars, concerts, grocery stores, street corners - wherever). Maybe being picked up at clubs and bars is overrated. Or, maybe some just prefer the solitude of typing away on a computer screen. Whatever it is, I think there is the added excitement of being however/whatever you want to be without the fear of face-to-face rejection. As far as 'validation' goes, people can and will pour, on the compliments...if there is something they want from you. Just my take.

I think you make a good point Trev, so does Soufie....I'm sure attention is just one of many reasons both men and women join dating sites...Games will always be played, in real time or cyber...It is just easier to play them from behind a computer screen..Doesn't mean it's not a good way to meet, date, and fall in love though...Happy Valentine's Day!!

<<<<<Atension ho!

I did meet one girlfriend on myspace. We talked first on that site and then met up later. For me it is easier looking for someone online. Bars and nightclubs are not my thing.

I agree that the validation can go both ways. I feel that if you are going to require a box for women who have met in person and combine it with the box to click if you are married... its easy to click or unclick a box. If you want someone real you have to talk to them and get to know them͵ ask those questions that are important to you.
Just like going to a bar you can give out your number and have someone never call... you can have a great connection online and never meet. I think that personally for me a lot of online dating sites are for ppl to meet new ppl and get laid͵ and you are right if thats what women are looking for they can walk out their front door and get that..... so can men. But if you are looking for good conversation and like minded conversation its easier to do online... i dont have to worry about logging on in my pajamas with my hair a mess and talking to ppl because they arent going to judge me for it. Plus i can say whatever i want (not that i dont anyway) and not have everyone instantly react... some will read a post and think

Before instantly responding*** (sorry i have a “smart“ phone) just my .02

Bars are not my thing, either, especially whenever they are surrounding my jail ce...err...Never mind.

Ugh too many buttons!! Lol sorry ppl...

Wow!

I have never posted a profile just to get attention. I am one of those people who doesn't understand why be on a dating website if you don't intend to meet someone and actually date. When I do meet men in person I get, 'You look just like your pictures, better even.'

Apparently lots of people are posting pics that are 20 years old or 20lbs ago. Why?

It's true that women can meet men just about anywhere but quantity doesn't equal quality. I want quality. Inner and outer quality, why is that so hard?

On line dating isn't the only avenue I'm trying but it has been as good as any other.

Mortica7, if quality is what you want, then here I am.

<<<<<Sits here in jammies & mud mask flirting

exactly my point :) and it feels wonderful!! Lol

I don't have a profile

problem solved

There is not too many places to go in my town to find a GF. Plus I'm staying with my parents helping with the family business which don't leave me with much time to go out looking. So online dating sites are helpful.

It seems to me…

"a woman can feel desired "online" with no intention of actually participating”

Really? It seems to me… that women won’t receive validation unless they put some degree of effort into being desired by men… and every woman on this site that puts herself out there, providing a profile, posting on the boards, answering emails, chatting on Messenger, taking phone calls, etc., is participating in the online dating experience… I’m no dating expert, but again… it seems to me… that in order to meet in person there has to be some type of relationship already established before getting to this point…. but… if the woman hasn’t connected with her type of man that she wants to meet with, then all she’s doing online is seeking validation? Seeking attention she has no intention of reciprocating on? Then how else do we meet our Mr. Right if we don’t shuffle through all the Mr. Wrongs first?

“the computer screen is the perfect place to get validated in secret”

Really? How are we validated in secret when we post everything online for others to see publicly? And we validate each other, both men and women… praising each other’s work, etc… if you’re referring to getting emails from men and women that praise our egos because they want to meet us in person, who can’t see through this kind of weak come on? Personally I find fake adulation to be meaningless, not validating.

“how many women are actually meeting people they've met online? “

Really? How many men are willing to drive all the way across the country at their expense, then stay in a motel, at their expense, so they can meet the woman they met online face to face?

“there should be a check box to say if a woman has ever actually met a person before”

Really? Why? So men who are looking for some action can quickly scan past the women they know they’ll have to actually take their time to get to know first?

“because I think it's another way for women to validate themselves”

Really? The way I see it… We don’t need the internet to validate ourselves… we know we’ve accomplished great things by having babies, and taking care of our families, by keeping our homes running smoothly, and our husbands or boyfriends happy, by working at a job from 9 to 5, then coming home and doing more work cooking, doing the laundry, etc… yea, we women can heap validation on ourselves because we earn it on a daily basis, 24/7.

IMHO

Basically, as I see it, there are people like myself that do want to find someone on here that's actually going to meet me and there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over.

It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting.

Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says...

First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..."

Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship"

And I go even further by saying...

"I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. "

Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear...

1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it.

2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship"

3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you?

I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want...

So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends...

And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first...

IMH and yet outspoken O...