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| Topic: Do women post online profiles for attention? | |
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as I see it, there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over. It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting. Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says... First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..." Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship" And I go even further by saying... "I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. " Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear... 1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it. 2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship" 3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you? I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want... So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends... And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first... IMH and yet outspoken O...  Right. The first thing to say about that is that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. Yeah, you can Google my user name too if you want to research me and you can stalk me on forums but most people are simply not going to do that and you can't expect them to. It's not just about finding out about whether there's "physical chemistry". You can tell from a profile if you fancy someone or not. You want to find out who they really are and you do need a meeting for that. Yes, you can learn a lot about them from chatting online but you don't really know how much of it is true and you don't know a lot of things that they might not be telling you. You might get on fine on the internet but you don't really know how a date with them is going to go and you certainly don't know how a relationship with them is going to play out. It's like reading the blurb on the back of a book. If you want the real story you need to actually buy the product. |
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people are capable of about anything and any intention
but the difference between going out and being online is being online is a way to feel safe in the comfort of your home and on your own schedule without having to make 'arrangements (babysitter, special outfits, hairdo,,etc,,) for an experience that may end up being a dud the moment someone creates and posts a profile they have 'participated' in my opinion its just in a bar, you can decide to never go back, but once you are on internet , you stay on internet,,,,,most people dont take it so seriously as to take the extra effort to remove their profile, and than many dont ever decide to give up on the POSSIBILITY they may 'go back',,,to that forum or site. |
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Also, it is a fact that a lot of women do go on dating sites just for a bit of attention. When I first tried internet dating I became friendly with a lady that told me that she would never meet someone from the internet and I told her absolutely everything about myself. We got on fine but she had ruled out dating and would not even consider it.
There are people on these sites with fake profiles. There are profiles with no pictures where women tick a box where they declare that they look "stunning". There are profiles where they claim to be glamour models. There are total nutcases that expect men to propose to them by email without a meeting or even knowing what they look like. There are trolls, both male and female. You go on a dating site and you may or may not do it because you would like to meet somebody. The vast majority of women that I've talked to on these sites just aren't sure about that. A friend or relative suggested that they tried it. They do and they like the attention. That's what a guy going on these sites has to deal with. Sometimes if you are lucky you find someone that actually dates and sometimes you might find one that's prepared to consider it. Most of the time though all you get is a lot of chat, which can take ages when you could have a proper conversation in a pub and get their whole life story in a couple of hours. |
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as I see it, there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over. It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting. Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says... First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..." Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship" And I go even further by saying... "I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. " Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear... 1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it. 2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship" 3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you? I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want... So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends... And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first... IMH and yet outspoken O... Right. The first thing to say about that is that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. Yeah, you can Google my user name too if you want to research me and you can stalk me on forums but most people are simply not going to do that and you can't expect them to. It's not just about finding out about whether there's "physical chemistry". You can tell from a profile if you fancy someone or not. You want to find out who they really are and you do need a meeting for that. Yes, you can learn a lot about them from chatting online but you don't really know how much of it is true and you don't know a lot of things that they might not be telling you. You might get on fine on the internet but you don't really know how a date with them is going to go and you certainly don't know how a relationship with them is going to play out. It's like reading the blurb on the back of a book. If you want the real story you need to actually buy the product. Well, this is good to know, that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. So what you’re saying is these “most people” just browse profiles for a quick hookup, right? Well, it’s no wonder that the women on these sites turn down most of the men who contact them that way, like you said they do, because we know what kind of superficial connection most men want to make, and we’re just not interested. As far as stalking goes… even today’s labor force is investigated prior to hiring, as the employers do background searches so they know what kind of people they are employing. If people think that reading and following someone’s writings on forums is stalking them, then every performer on stage with a fan club that watches all their movies, goes to all their concerts wanting backstage for the after party, and some hot spontaneous sex, are just stalkers too... Also, do you really think that people can’t lie to your face just as easily as they can lie to you online? I’ve been involved in a personal relationship living under the same roof with a man that lied about damn near everything that came out of his mouth for over two years, and had me totally fooled, only finally having to admit the truth because others were telling me about him, and he couldn’t hide his lies any longer. So, no, I don’t believe a face to face will tell you anything more than you can learn through phone call conversations, chats, letters, etc… over an extended period of time. The way I look at online dating is like everything else, to each his own way, what works for you may not work for me, and vice versa. And if a man expects to get my digits he’s going to have to show me he’s serious, and not just some player out to get game, cause if he doesn’t want too make an effort before we get together, then I know he won’t make one after he gets what he wants either, and he’s not the man for me, so he can just keep moving on down the line… after all, I might be lonely, but I’m not desperate…  |
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as I see it, there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over. It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting. Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says... First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..." Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship" And I go even further by saying... "I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. " Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear... 1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it. 2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship" 3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you? I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want... So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends... And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first... IMH and yet outspoken O... Right. The first thing to say about that is that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. Yeah, you can Google my user name too if you want to research me and you can stalk me on forums but most people are simply not going to do that and you can't expect them to. It's not just about finding out about whether there's "physical chemistry". You can tell from a profile if you fancy someone or not. You want to find out who they really are and you do need a meeting for that. Yes, you can learn a lot about them from chatting online but you don't really know how much of it is true and you don't know a lot of things that they might not be telling you. You might get on fine on the internet but you don't really know how a date with them is going to go and you certainly don't know how a relationship with them is going to play out. It's like reading the blurb on the back of a book. If you want the real story you need to actually buy the product. Well, this is good to know, that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. So what you’re saying is these “most people” just browse profiles for a quick hookup, right? Well, it’s no wonder that the women on these sites turn down most of the men who contact them that way, like you said they do, because we know what kind of superficial connection most men want to make, and we’re just not interested. As far as stalking goes… even today’s labor force is investigated prior to hiring, as the employers do background searches so they know what kind of people they are employing. If people think that reading and following someone’s writings on forums is stalking them, then every performer on stage with a fan club that watches all their movies, goes to all their concerts wanting backstage for the after party, and some hot spontaneous sex, are just stalkers too... Also, do you really think that people can’t lie to your face just as easily as they can lie to you online? I’ve been involved in a personal relationship living under the same roof with a man that lied about damn near everything that came out of his mouth for over two years, and had me totally fooled, only finally having to admit the truth because others were telling me about him, and he couldn’t hide his lies any longer. So, no, I don’t believe a face to face will tell you anything more than you can learn through phone call conversations, chats, letters, etc… over an extended period of time. The way I look at online dating is like everything else, to each his own way, what works for you may not work for me, and vice versa. And if a man expects to get my digits he’s going to have to show me he’s serious, and not just some player out to get game, cause if he doesn’t want too make an effort before we get together, then I know he won’t make one after he gets what he wants either, and he’s not the man for me, so he can just keep moving on down the line… after all, I might be lonely, but I’m not desperate… No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I am saying that most people that go on dating sites aren't interested in going on the forums. They may be women that aren't "looking for a quick hookup" and they may be like you and aren't going to be rushed into a date without talking online for a long time but they simply have no interest in the forums. They may think that the people that go on forums are a bunch of trolls and idiots. They may have no interest in the topics that people post here. They might not be very good writers and find it hard to express themselves like this. They may just feel that they have better things to do with their time. You are kidding yourself if you think it's just as easy to tell lies and hide things face to face compared to doing it on the internet. Either that or you are just easily deceived. You get an email from somebody. It's just a block of text. You can't hear the tone of their voice. You can't read their body language. You can't confirm it in any way apart from reading more stuff on the internet. It could all be a massive troll. Google my user name. Tawt Strat is a made up character from a video game. That's not my real life. That's just who I am on the internet. Yeah, nobody is just going to imediately agree to a meeting without striking up a friendship online first. Some people will make a judgement fairly quickly about whether or not they want to meet you and others will procrastinate forever. There are factors you have to take into consideration such as how far you would have to travel to meet them and whether they seem genuine or creepy. You ask them questions and tell them about yourself. It is merely the first stage in a process. You don't know if they are ever going to actually meet you and you don't know if they are going to show up or stand you up if they do agree to a date. If you are lucky you get one or two messages a day from someone and it's all, "Hi, how are you today?" It takes ages and at any time they could meet somebody else before you even get a date with them. |
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I'm curious what others think about this topic. It seems to me that online has become a secondary "nightclub" where a woman can feel desired with no intention of actually participating. The computer screen is so impersonal it seems like the perfect place to get validated in secret. I have to admit, after a shitty day, to come home to a bunch of messages from women saying I'm sooo hot, etc... would make me feel a bit better about myself. There should be a check box to say if a woman has ever actually met in person, someone they've met online before. Because frankly I think it's another way for women to validate themselves. Pretty negative, but I think it's realistic. Women can meet a guy ANYWHERE. If they want to meet a guy all they have to do is dress up and go out. EASY. Why go through the effort to meet someone online? I guess it means you don't have to deal with the needy guys who can make you uncomfortable when you're out. But it's so much harder to get a feel for someone through text and a simple profile. How many women are actually meeting people they've met online? With the plethora of messages any attractive woman receives, how is it possible to screen anyone enough to know they're safe to meet? Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :) -Trev Speaking for myself only, this is just another way to meet people. It certainly is not the only way. And yes, I have met people this way. Don't assume that just because some women seem to just want validation that's why we're all here. And yes, you're being very negative. If you want women to actually want to meet you, you might want to tone down the negativity a bit. |
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Hold on just a minute. Yes there are women that hide behind their profiles, not intending to ever meet the men they befriend but I will venture to say that just as many men do the same.
I have found profiles that sound like a good match, but as soon as contact is made, they say they are on a contract in another country and other crap. Or the first email I get is talking about how they have found their soul mate and the mother of their children. REALLY?? All of that buy in from a brief profile. Sounds just a little stalker like. I have physically met guys that I have met on dating sites. I'm looking for a long term, romantic relationship and the guys that I have met have indicated they are looking for the same. It's easy to be the most desirable woman online. I have time to think before I write, proofread and use spell check. I can post pictures of others and claim they are me. I can become your heart's desire. But in real life I'm not perfect and quite frankly I don't want that for myself. The pressure to keep that up will send me into an early grave. I'm not looking for validation, I'm looking for a partner. He has my back and I have his and inbetween that travel extensively and have hot, total fantasy fulfilling sex. |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Sat 02/16/13 12:27 AM
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I'm curious what others think about this topic. It seems to me that online has become a secondary "nightclub" where a woman can feel desired with no intention of actually participating. The computer screen is so impersonal it seems like the perfect place to get validated in secret. I have to admit, after a shitty day, to come home to a bunch of messages from women saying I'm sooo hot, etc... would make me feel a bit better about myself. There should be a check box to say if a woman has ever actually met in person, someone they've met online before. Because frankly I think it's another way for women to validate themselves. Pretty negative, but I think it's realistic. Women can meet a guy ANYWHERE. If they want to meet a guy all they have to do is dress up and go out. EASY. Why go through the effort to meet someone online? I guess it means you don't have to deal with the needy guys who can make you uncomfortable when you're out. But it's so much harder to get a feel for someone through text and a simple profile. How many women are actually meeting people they've met online? With the plethora of messages any attractive woman receives, how is it possible to screen anyone enough to know they're safe to meet? Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :) -Trev A lot of women have residual instincts to dress up and present themselves. Websites provide that like other social situations. Its no different. A woman in a publuc social situation wont be telling you her intentions either. She could be out dressed up to just get attention. So sure, sometimes theyre here for that and wont meet. Nothing wrong with that to me. Other times, women trying to politely decline meeting you because shes not interested is too subtle. So you get to know her on the site but she wont meet you. |
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Hmmm for me this is my only way of expressing myself... If not pen and paper it is internet...but i like it more here because many will interact your ideas...this is my way of showing the true me.... I am a demure type of person in front of other people....so this helps me alot...i didnt do it for the attention of men... I once deleted my photos to not to attract much attention....im not saying that im beautiful,sexy,and pretty that the guys will flock with me...im just cute lol∩_∩...but my special someone requested me to post it back,,,,he told me to block those guys who showed unwanted messages and photos ....
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as I see it, there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over. It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting. Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says... First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..." Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship" And I go even further by saying... "I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. " Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear... 1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it. 2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship" 3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you? I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want... So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends... And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first... IMH and yet outspoken O... Right. The first thing to say about that is that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. Yeah, you can Google my user name too if you want to research me and you can stalk me on forums but most people are simply not going to do that and you can't expect them to. It's not just about finding out about whether there's "physical chemistry". You can tell from a profile if you fancy someone or not. You want to find out who they really are and you do need a meeting for that. Yes, you can learn a lot about them from chatting online but you don't really know how much of it is true and you don't know a lot of things that they might not be telling you. You might get on fine on the internet but you don't really know how a date with them is going to go and you certainly don't know how a relationship with them is going to play out. It's like reading the blurb on the back of a book. If you want the real story you need to actually buy the product. You wont know what is true in person either |
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people are capable of about anything and any intention but the difference between going out and being online is being online is a way to feel safe in the comfort of your home and on your own schedule without having to make 'arrangements (babysitter, special outfits, hairdo,,etc,,) for an experience that may end up being a dud the moment someone creates and posts a profile they have 'participated' in my opinion its just in a bar, you can decide to never go back, but once you are on internet , you stay on internet,,,,,most people dont take it so seriously as to take the extra effort to remove their profile, and than many dont ever decide to give up on the POSSIBILITY they may 'go back',,,to that forum or site.  |
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as I see it, there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over. It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting. Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says... First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..." Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship" And I go even further by saying... "I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. " Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear... 1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it. 2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship" 3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you? I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want... So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends... And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first... IMH and yet outspoken O... Right. The first thing to say about that is that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. Yeah, you can Google my user name too if you want to research me and you can stalk me on forums but most people are simply not going to do that and you can't expect them to. It's not just about finding out about whether there's "physical chemistry". You can tell from a profile if you fancy someone or not. You want to find out who they really are and you do need a meeting for that. Yes, you can learn a lot about them from chatting online but you don't really know how much of it is true and you don't know a lot of things that they might not be telling you. You might get on fine on the internet but you don't really know how a date with them is going to go and you certainly don't know how a relationship with them is going to play out. It's like reading the blurb on the back of a book. If you want the real story you need to actually buy the product. Well, this is good to know, that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. So what you’re saying is these “most people” just browse profiles for a quick hookup, right? Well, it’s no wonder that the women on these sites turn down most of the men who contact them that way, like you said they do, because we know what kind of superficial connection most men want to make, and we’re just not interested. As far as stalking goes… even today’s labor force is investigated prior to hiring, as the employers do background searches so they know what kind of people they are employing. If people think that reading and following someone’s writings on forums is stalking them, then every performer on stage with a fan club that watches all their movies, goes to all their concerts wanting backstage for the after party, and some hot spontaneous sex, are just stalkers too... Also, do you really think that people can’t lie to your face just as easily as they can lie to you online? I’ve been involved in a personal relationship living under the same roof with a man that lied about damn near everything that came out of his mouth for over two years, and had me totally fooled, only finally having to admit the truth because others were telling me about him, and he couldn’t hide his lies any longer. So, no, I don’t believe a face to face will tell you anything more than you can learn through phone call conversations, chats, letters, etc… over an extended period of time. The way I look at online dating is like everything else, to each his own way, what works for you may not work for me, and vice versa. And if a man expects to get my digits he’s going to have to show me he’s serious, and not just some player out to get game, cause if he doesn’t want too make an effort before we get together, then I know he won’t make one after he gets what he wants either, and he’s not the man for me, so he can just keep moving on down the line… after all, I might be lonely, but I’m not desperate…
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as I see it, there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over. It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting. Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says... First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..." Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship" And I go even further by saying... "I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. " Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear... 1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it. 2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship" 3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you? I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want... So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends... And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first... IMH and yet outspoken O... Right. The first thing to say about that is that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. Yeah, you can Google my user name too if you want to research me and you can stalk me on forums but most people are simply not going to do that and you can't expect them to. It's not just about finding out about whether there's "physical chemistry". You can tell from a profile if you fancy someone or not. You want to find out who they really are and you do need a meeting for that. Yes, you can learn a lot about them from chatting online but you don't really know how much of it is true and you don't know a lot of things that they might not be telling you. You might get on fine on the internet but you don't really know how a date with them is going to go and you certainly don't know how a relationship with them is going to play out. It's like reading the blurb on the back of a book. If you want the real story you need to actually buy the product. You wont know what is true in person either I disagree. Someone meets and starts dating me they can find out that what I told them is true. I'm not married and I have no children. I live alone. Yeah, I could lie about that sort of stuff on a date but presumably if I start seeing someone they're going to "come back to my place" at some point. There's no woman here; no wife. Then they're going to meet my family. Ask my mother if I'm married if you don't believe me. Talk to her about me. . You will find out that I'm what I claim to be and probably some other stuff. Anyone getting into a relationship with me is going to find out pretty quickly what sort of person I really am. Spy on me if you like. Hire a team of private detectives. I don't care. You won't find any deep dark secret. You said pretty much the same thing about yourself in one of your posts. Someone said that anyone going into a relationship looking for trouble is going to find it and you said that they won't find any trouble in your life. So, someone says that to me and I'm prepared to trust them enough to give it a go. If they betray that trust it's over but if they don't the relationship develops and so does the trust. Of course it's possible that someone might betray your trust somewhere down the line. That's the chance you take when you enter into a relationship. Many relationships and marriages succeed though with no betrayals. My parents have been married for over forty five years and yes, they have had arguments and problems like all couples do but neither of them has cheated. My father hasn't become an alcoholic. He's the same guy now that my mother married. They are going to spend the rest of their lives together. I'm certain of that. They made a commitment to take each other for better and worse. My sister is married now too and she is happy. Her husband is a good guy. He doesn't have any deep dark secrets and he's not a liar. Meeting someone online is just the first stage in a process. There are success stories, even if there are a lot of players out there. If you aren't prepared to trust anyone then you are going to be single for the rest of your life. That's your choice. Personally, I'm prepared to at least give it a go with someone and that's why I put myself out on the dating scene again last year. I met someone and I gave it a go. It didn't work and I was hurt but I licked my wounds and I would be ready to try again with somebody else. I forgave that woman for what she did. I want to move on with my life. I'm not going to spend the rest of it refusing to trust women because a few of them have hurt me. What they did wasn't anybody else's fault and I'm not going to take it out on the entire female race. I don't need revenge and I'm not going to become a cynic that goes about saying that all women are this or that and only good for sex. |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Sat 02/16/13 11:51 AM
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as I see it, there are a load of women on here hiding behind computers that aren't just going to agree to a meeting straight away or even reply to me. That's frustrating. Ocasionally you come across someone that does reply and it's possible to build up a friendship by emailing. You somehow have to talk them into a meeting but what can happen is that you just keep getting this "I'm not sure" jazz from them, even though they might be saying that they like you and it says on their profile that they are on here for dating. There is the worry that when you meet and if there is no spark the friendship and all of the flirting will be over. It is only romantic if you feel that it might be going somewhere but you don't really know where it's going and you can't without a meeting. Speaking of women's profiles and the initial impression we make on men through them... this is what mine says... First, my tagline says, "How do you get what you want? You figure it out..." Then it says, "Looking for man for relationship" And I go even further by saying... "I write poetry and short stories, and enjoy interacting with others who have the same interests. I also and ultimately desire a seriously committed relationship, after there has been ample time for friendship. And should the "the one" I'm destined to welcome into my life and heart cross my path, I will happily rearrange my schedule to accommodate his, as I know he will do the same for me. Until then, you'll find me on various poetry boards posting with my friends. " Now... I believe that I made my intentions clear... 1st) if a man wants my attention he has to figure out how to get it. 2nd) I state that I'm looking for a man for "Relationship" 3rd) I state that I'm on the boards posting... which should tell any man who's interested in my profile that he can get to know more about me by going to the boards and doing his research.. that way, if he already knows things about me, my character, my opinions, etc., his first email contact will have depth to it... he won't have to say the same thing they all say because they didn't care to dig a little deeper... your pretty... you have pretty hair... really? and how am I expected to respond to this with anything other than, thank you? I also make it clear that I'm looking for a seriously committed relationship that will require a friendship first, because I prefer to know the what's, why's, becauses, of the who I'm getting to know... that I might ultimately decide to share my life with... and to me, I don't care how long it takes for me and him to get to know each other, because I'm not in a hurry to jump into a life changing relationship, and I would hope he wouldn't be either. These kinds of connections take time to find, to grow, and to nurture, and the only thing we would really need to meet for is the physical connection, to see if we click that way too. But, I don't place a lot of importance on the sexual chemistry as I do on all the other attributes that are more important in the type of long term relationship that I want... So, here I am... doing my thing... and waiting for my fate to tell me It's time to shut down online activity because "the one" for me has arrived and our lives will be focused on each other at that point... until then, I'll still be writing poetry and short stories, and posting on the boards with my friends... And I'm not hiding behind my computer trying to frustrate the men who contact me... just like none of the other women on dating sites are either... we have the right to be selective about what kind of men we will give our time too... just like men have the right to skip over women who don't want to get the physical chemistry question out of the way first... IMH and yet outspoken O... Right. The first thing to say about that is that most people that go on dating sites do not post on forums. Yeah, you can Google my user name too if you want to research me and you can stalk me on forums but most people are simply not going to do that and you can't expect them to. It's not just about finding out about whether there's "physical chemistry". You can tell from a profile if you fancy someone or not. You want to find out who they really are and you do need a meeting for that. Yes, you can learn a lot about them from chatting online but you don't really know how much of it is true and you don't know a lot of things that they might not be telling you. You might get on fine on the internet but you don't really know how a date with them is going to go and you certainly don't know how a relationship with them is going to play out. It's like reading the blurb on the back of a book. If you want the real story you need to actually buy the product. You wont know what is true in person either I disagree. Someone meets and starts dating me they can find out that what I told them is true. I'm not married and I have no children. I live alone. Yeah, I could lie about that sort of stuff on a date but presumably if I start seeing someone they're going to "come back to my place" at some point. There's no woman here; no wife. Then they're going to meet my family. Ask my mother if I'm married if you don't believe me. Talk to her about me. . You will find out that I'm what I claim to be and probably some other stuff. Anyone getting into a relationship with me is going to find out pretty quickly what sort of person I really am. Spy on me if you like. Hire a team of private detectives. I don't care. You won't find any deep dark secret. You said pretty much the same thing about yourself in one of your posts. Someone said that anyone going into a relationship looking for trouble is going to find it and you said that they won't find any trouble in your life. So, someone says that to me and I'm prepared to trust them enough to give it a go. If they betray that trust it's over but if they don't the relationship develops and so does the trust. Of course it's possible that someone might betray your trust somewhere down the line. That's the chance you take when you enter into a relationship. Many relationships and marriages succeed though with no betrayals. My parents have been married for over forty five years and yes, they have had arguments and problems like all couples do but neither of them has cheated. My father hasn't become an alcoholic. He's the same guy now that my mother married. They are going to spend the rest of their lives together. I'm certain of that. They made a commitment to take each other for better and worse. My sister is married now too and she is happy. Her husband is a good guy. He doesn't have any deep dark secrets and he's not a liar. Meeting someone online is just the first stage in a process. There are success stories, even if there are a lot of players out there. If you aren't prepared to trust anyone then you are going to be single for the rest of your life. That's your choice. Personally, I'm prepared to at least give it a go with someone and that's why I put myself out on the dating scene again last year. I met someone and I gave it a go. It didn't work and I was hurt but I licked my wounds and I would be ready to try again with somebody else. I forgave that woman for what she did. I want to move on with my life. I'm not going to spend the rest of it refusing to trust women because a few of them have hurt me. What they did wasn't anybody else's fault and I'm not going to take it out on the entire female race. I don't need revenge and I'm not going to become a cynic that goes about saying that all women are this or that and only good for sex. It really doesnt matter what a person says. What can you prove by inviting someone to your place to see youre not lying? Anyone can make preperations to have company over. Doesnt tell you what they are like all the time. Ive known a guy i met here that said he liked the outdoors but when it came to dating him, he didnt like to do squat. He was a gamer and didnt care to do much of anything else at all. It took me months of my life and time to discover the impostor's cover up. You are one man... but there are tons of men out there that paint some bs picture of themselves online. |
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Edited by
mountainwatergirl
on
Sat 02/16/13 11:58 AM
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I'd have to say if a woman is ho-humming on metting you... shes not who she says she is... shes really married or involved with someone already and just fishing for attention...or just not that into you. Take your pick.
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Edited by
Jeanniebean
on
Sat 02/16/13 12:16 PM
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I'm curious what others think about this topic. It seems to me that online has become a secondary "nightclub" where a woman can feel desired with no intention of actually participating. The computer screen is so impersonal it seems like the perfect place to get validated in secret. I have to admit, after a shitty day, to come home to a bunch of messages from women saying I'm sooo hot, etc... would make me feel a bit better about myself. There should be a check box to say if a woman has ever actually met in person, someone they've met online before. Because frankly I think it's another way for women to validate themselves. Pretty negative, but I think it's realistic. Women can meet a guy ANYWHERE. If they want to meet a guy all they have to do is dress up and go out. EASY. Why go through the effort to meet someone online? I guess it means you don't have to deal with the needy guys who can make you uncomfortable when you're out. But it's so much harder to get a feel for someone through text and a simple profile. How many women are actually meeting people they've met online? With the plethora of messages any attractive woman receives, how is it possible to screen anyone enough to know they're safe to meet? Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :) -Trev It seems to me… "a woman can feel desired "online" with no intention of actually participating” Really? It seems to me… that women won’t receive validation unless they put some degree of effort into being desired by men… and every woman on this site that puts herself out there, providing a profile, posting on the boards, answering emails, chatting on Messenger, taking phone calls, etc., is participating in the online dating experience… I’m no dating expert, but again… it seems to me… that in order to meet in person there has to be some type of relationship already established before getting to this point…. but… if the woman hasn’t connected with her type of man that she wants to meet with, then all she’s doing online is seeking validation? Seeking attention she has no intention of reciprocating on? Then how else do we meet our Mr. Right if we don’t shuffle through all the Mr. Wrongs first? “the computer screen is the perfect place to get validated in secret” Really? How are we validated in secret when we post everything online for others to see publicly? And we validate each other, both men and women… praising each other’s work, etc… if you’re referring to getting emails from men and women that praise our egos because they want to meet us in person, who can’t see through this kind of weak come on? Personally I find fake adulation to be meaningless, not validating. “how many women are actually meeting people they've met online? “ Really? How many men are willing to drive all the way across the country at their expense, then stay in a motel, at their expense, so they can meet the woman they met online face to face? “there should be a check box to say if a woman has ever actually met a person before” Really? Why? So men who are looking for some action can quickly scan past the women they know they’ll have to actually take their time to get to know first? “because I think it's another way for women to validate themselves” Really? The way I see it… We don’t need the internet to validate ourselves… we know we’ve accomplished great things by having babies, and taking care of our families, by keeping our homes running smoothly, and our husbands or boyfriends happy, by working at a job from 9 to 5, then coming home and doing more work cooking, doing the laundry, etc… yea, we women can heap validation on ourselves because we earn it on a daily basis, 24/7. IMHO  AthenaRose2, Hats off to you AthenaRose!  You took the words right out of my head. I would gladly meet my hotty in person who I met here on Mingle but he lives across the ocean!  I'm here because I live in a tiny town and have no social life. ..and for all the fun conversation in the Forums. |
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Edited by
Jeanniebean
on
Sat 02/16/13 12:19 PM
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g0dvollie, so what is it you want from Mingle? You are 30 years old and your title on your profile confesses that you are a jerk. ("I'm a Jerk") so why would you say that?
Is that so a woman does not hold any high expectations of you when you finally meet or are you really a jerk? 
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For me, I use the online dating because I just moved here to Arizona and don't get many chances to get out. Also, I have had so much bad luck with meeting the wrong guys. It's easier to meet online, make sure they are decent, and then meet. I have met 3 people from a different site that I no longer have an account at (seems to be more about sex than relationships). One is still a friend of mine and the other two I had to block from my phone.
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So far I've given my cell out to people who I wanted to meet in person… since then I have not once met them yet. It’s not my problem if they change their mind about meeting me…
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sat 02/16/13 01:36 PM
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Do women post online profiles for attention? No more than Men do. And, profiles are usually required on most date sites. |
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