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| Topic: Do you see me looking at you? | |
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I give up after the first no thanks. I will not "force" myself on anyone. Yes, it feels like forcing if I keep trying with someone not interested. yeah... they kinda give you a look like... what... are they back again... jeezz... not another stalker... 
but seriously... I don't have the courage enough for the first pass... let alone humiliating myself twice... so I do understand what you mean by "forcing yourself"... it's hard enough the first go round... |
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I would think that there are mostly shy folks here and this gives a chance for people to take that step they never thought they would.
Here's also the way I look at it. If the person your approaching is a person of good character they are more than likely a caring type and really do want you to find the best for you even if it isn't them. And honestly, you never know. |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss.
"Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. |
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Most of the men I had a huge crush on, have just had that certain something in their personality, which makes it far harder for me to let go of. They had the type of personality I wanted to bottle. If they're not into me, fair play. I do move on, but always hard at first.
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I would think that there are mostly shy folks here and this gives a chance for people to take that step they never thought they would. Here's also the way I look at it. If the person your approaching is a person of good character they are more than likely a caring type and really do want you to find the best for you even if it isn't them. And honestly, you never know. That's true, MG, we never know when a connection could happen, or who might be the right fit for us, but it's the shy part that can hinder the process, so hopefully we can work on letting our guards down, or building our courage up by interacting on the forums... maybe then... |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... |
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Most of the men I had a huge crush on, have just had that certain something in their personality, which makes it far harder for me to let go of. They had the type of personality I wanted to bottle. If they're not into me, fair play. I do move on, but always hard at first. don't you just love that certain something in their personality that is such a turn on just being posted above or below them makes you feel connected... 
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... It really depends on the situation. I met a couple recently that had this single friend tagging along with them all the time. I wasn't sure if the girl liked me or not and it was hard to have a proper chat with her in front of her friends. I kept meeting up with them but I was starting to dislike the couple and was only really meeting up with them because I was interested in dating their friend. It just came to the point where I didn't want to keep doing that and it was becoming really awkward, so I just emailed the girl and asked her if she would be interested in meeting up without her friends. She said no and took offence at what I said about her friends, so fine, I had my answer and I wasn't going to meet up with them again anyway, so I had put an end to an awkward situation rather than creating one. It's more tricky though when you meet someone through people that you are going to stay in contact with though. I was at my sister's wedding and was introduced to a friend of hers. We flirted but I didn't read too much into that because she is just a really flirty person. I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone since though and I just assume that because my sister hasn't said anything about the girl liking me that she isn't really interested in me or that desperate. My sister never tries to set me up with her friends though and things are awkward enough between me and my sister as it is, so I haven't persued that and made a fool of myself. Another one is a family friend. I've actually spent time alone with her and we sort of went out as friends once. She said that it had been a nice day and I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal sometime. She made an excuse about being busy with family stuff, so okay, I just took that as meaning that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends and I'm not going to ask her again or keep thinking about her romantically. As far as meeting people online goes, it's pretty much the same. I let them know that I'm interested in meeting them fairly quickly because I went on dating sites looking to meet women and not to exchange endless aimless emails. If anything, it's easier to ask women out when it's on the internet. If they say no it's not like I have to ever talk to them again or deal with them in social situations or at work or anything like that. |
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Edited by
TexasScoundrel
on
Mon 02/11/13 12:56 PM
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When you meet someone that catches your eye, captivates your mind, and pulls on your heart until it’s almost impossible for you to think about anything, or anybody else, in other words, you’ve got it really bad for this unique someone, what will you do to convince him or her of your sincere fascination and desire to get to know them? And, if they rebuff your first advance, as strangers often do, but don’t actually tell you to drop dead, do you give up and move on, or hang around and try to make head way, slowly but steadily? I don't think I've ever felt that way about a stranger. So, I'll answer your question in the context of seeing someone I find attractive. I walk up to her, tap her arm gently. It's natural for her to turn and face me. I look into her eyes and smile. I say "You are too cute. I have to meet you. I'm Ray. What's your name?" Then I extend my hand for her to shake it. She always shakes my hand. Next I'll ask a question and start a conversation. Within about ten minutes I know if she's interested in me or not. If so, I'll get her number. If not, I forget all about talking with her and move on. However, I do remember a couple of times when I spoke to a girl a second time. But neither she nor I remembered speaking before at the time. I remember it later. In both cases she wasn't interested the first time, but was the second time. |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... It really depends on the situation. I met a couple recently that had this single friend tagging along with them all the time. I wasn't sure if the girl liked me or not and it was hard to have a proper chat with her in front of her friends. I kept meeting up with them but I was starting to dislike the couple and was only really meeting up with them because I was interested in dating their friend. It just came to the point where I didn't want to keep doing that and it was becoming really awkward, so I just emailed the girl and asked her if she would be interested in meeting up without her friends. She said no and took offence at what I said about her friends, so fine, I had my answer and I wasn't going to meet up with them again anyway, so I had put an end to an awkward situation rather than creating one. It's more tricky though when you meet someone through people that you are going to stay in contact with though. I was at my sister's wedding and was introduced to a friend of hers. We flirted but I didn't read too much into that because she is just a really flirty person. I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone since though and I just assume that because my sister hasn't said anything about the girl liking me that she isn't really interested in me or that desperate. My sister never tries to set me up with her friends though and things are awkward enough between me and my sister as it is, so I haven't persued that and made a fool of myself. Another one is a family friend. I've actually spent time alone with her and we sort of went out as friends once. She said that it had been a nice day and I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal sometime. She made an excuse about being busy with family stuff, so okay, I just took that as meaning that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends and I'm not going to ask her again or keep thinking about her romantically. As far as meeting people online goes, it's pretty much the same. I let them know that I'm interested in meeting them fairly quickly because I went on dating sites looking to meet women and not to exchange endless aimless emails. If anything, it's easier to ask women out when it's on the internet. If they say no it's not like I have to ever talk to them again or deal with them in social situations or at work or anything like that. I have to admit that I really feel for you guys when having to face rejection like this. That's why I don't have the courage to tell men how I feel because I don't know if I could handle it emotionally. I guess if I was a male and had been taught since childhood that it's my place to make the first moves and get the girl, or do without, I would have developed a thick skin by the time I graduated high school. No matter which gender we are this dating stuff is not easy at all... I like being able to get to know men much more slowly online, as apposed to them being right here in person and making demands or requests that I'm not ready to give in too yet. You say you don't like to exchange endless emails, but what if you met someone long distance from you, and you couldn't just meet her as quickly as you prefer, would you then take time to communicate to see if the connection was worth pursuing? |
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When you meet someone that catches your eye, captivates your mind, and pulls on your heart until it’s almost impossible for you to think about anything, or anybody else, in other words, you’ve got it really bad for this unique someone, what will you do to convince him or her of your sincere fascination and desire to get to know them? And, if they rebuff your first advance, as strangers often do, but don’t actually tell you to drop dead, do you give up and move on, or hang around and try to make head way, slowly but steadily? Nice eye catcher. 
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When you meet someone that catches your eye, captivates your mind, and pulls on your heart until it’s almost impossible for you to think about anything, or anybody else, in other words, you’ve got it really bad for this unique someone, what will you do to convince him or her of your sincere fascination and desire to get to know them? And, if they rebuff your first advance, as strangers often do, but don’t actually tell you to drop dead, do you give up and move on, or hang around and try to make head way, slowly but steadily? Nice eye catcher.
thanks, zim... I've missed seeing you around... 
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When you meet someone that catches your eye, captivates your mind, and pulls on your heart until it’s almost impossible for you to think about anything, or anybody else, in other words, you’ve got it really bad for this unique someone, what will you do to convince him or her of your sincere fascination and desire to get to know them? And, if they rebuff your first advance, as strangers often do, but don’t actually tell you to drop dead, do you give up and move on, or hang around and try to make head way, slowly but steadily? I don't think I've ever felt that way about a stranger. So, I'll answer your question in the context of seeing someone I find attractive. I walk up to her, tap her arm gently. It's natural for her to turn and face me. I look into her eyes and smile. I say "You are too cute. I have to meet you. I'm Ray. What's your name?" Then I extend my hand for her to shake it. She always shakes my hand. Next I'll ask a question and start a conversation. Within about ten minutes I know if she's interested in me or not. If so, I'll get her number. If not, I forget all about talking with her and move on. However, I do remember a couple of times when I spoke to a girl a second time. But neither she nor I remembered speaking before at the time. I remember it later. In both cases she wasn't interested the first time, but was the second time. this kind of intense reaction occurs with a deeper intellectual experience and understanding, so I guess we'd be passed the point of being strangers... like now for instance... I enjoyed looking through your eyes and feeling your self confidence as you describe what I consider to be a very sensual moment that you possess the natural ability to easily draw me in too... smooth... |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... It really depends on the situation. I met a couple recently that had this single friend tagging along with them all the time. I wasn't sure if the girl liked me or not and it was hard to have a proper chat with her in front of her friends. I kept meeting up with them but I was starting to dislike the couple and was only really meeting up with them because I was interested in dating their friend. It just came to the point where I didn't want to keep doing that and it was becoming really awkward, so I just emailed the girl and asked her if she would be interested in meeting up without her friends. She said no and took offence at what I said about her friends, so fine, I had my answer and I wasn't going to meet up with them again anyway, so I had put an end to an awkward situation rather than creating one. It's more tricky though when you meet someone through people that you are going to stay in contact with though. I was at my sister's wedding and was introduced to a friend of hers. We flirted but I didn't read too much into that because she is just a really flirty person. I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone since though and I just assume that because my sister hasn't said anything about the girl liking me that she isn't really interested in me or that desperate. My sister never tries to set me up with her friends though and things are awkward enough between me and my sister as it is, so I haven't persued that and made a fool of myself. Another one is a family friend. I've actually spent time alone with her and we sort of went out as friends once. She said that it had been a nice day and I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal sometime. She made an excuse about being busy with family stuff, so okay, I just took that as meaning that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends and I'm not going to ask her again or keep thinking about her romantically. As far as meeting people online goes, it's pretty much the same. I let them know that I'm interested in meeting them fairly quickly because I went on dating sites looking to meet women and not to exchange endless aimless emails. If anything, it's easier to ask women out when it's on the internet. If they say no it's not like I have to ever talk to them again or deal with them in social situations or at work or anything like that. I have to admit that I really feel for you guys when having to face rejection like this. That's why I don't have the courage to tell men how I feel because I don't know if I could handle it emotionally. I guess if I was a male and had been taught since childhood that it's my place to make the first moves and get the girl, or do without, I would have developed a thick skin by the time I graduated high school. No matter which gender we are this dating stuff is not easy at all... I like being able to get to know men much more slowly online, as apposed to them being right here in person and making demands or requests that I'm not ready to give in too yet. You say you don't like to exchange endless emails, but what if you met someone long distance from you, and you couldn't just meet her as quickly as you prefer, would you then take time to communicate to see if the connection was worth pursuing? Well, I talk to people on the internet from all over the world and I have actually talked privately with a few of the women from this forum. It's not like I'm pursuing them though. If they wanted to meet me they would have to come here. I only contacted them looking for friendship. I did date someone from this site that lived in a different city from me. She said that she liked me and wanted to meet me but kept making excuses and putting it off. She told me that I was being impatient, so I just said to her that the offer was there and she could just let me know when she did want to meet up. So yeah, I'm fine with the getting to know each other online first thing even if it is going to take a while. I'm just not going to waste somebody's time trying to chat them up if they can't come here and I can't go there. The first time I tried internet dating it was like this site and none or hardly any of the local women would talk to me, so I started contacting women that lived hundreds of miles away. Some of them were friendly but I couldn't date them, so it was a bit of a waste of time really. It's all very well to get to know people on the internet but without an actual meeting they are just people on the internet and a person's forum persona is just that. |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... It really depends on the situation. I met a couple recently that had this single friend tagging along with them all the time. I wasn't sure if the girl liked me or not and it was hard to have a proper chat with her in front of her friends. I kept meeting up with them but I was starting to dislike the couple and was only really meeting up with them because I was interested in dating their friend. It just came to the point where I didn't want to keep doing that and it was becoming really awkward, so I just emailed the girl and asked her if she would be interested in meeting up without her friends. She said no and took offence at what I said about her friends, so fine, I had my answer and I wasn't going to meet up with them again anyway, so I had put an end to an awkward situation rather than creating one. It's more tricky though when you meet someone through people that you are going to stay in contact with though. I was at my sister's wedding and was introduced to a friend of hers. We flirted but I didn't read too much into that because she is just a really flirty person. I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone since though and I just assume that because my sister hasn't said anything about the girl liking me that she isn't really interested in me or that desperate. My sister never tries to set me up with her friends though and things are awkward enough between me and my sister as it is, so I haven't persued that and made a fool of myself. Another one is a family friend. I've actually spent time alone with her and we sort of went out as friends once. She said that it had been a nice day and I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal sometime. She made an excuse about being busy with family stuff, so okay, I just took that as meaning that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends and I'm not going to ask her again or keep thinking about her romantically. As far as meeting people online goes, it's pretty much the same. I let them know that I'm interested in meeting them fairly quickly because I went on dating sites looking to meet women and not to exchange endless aimless emails. If anything, it's easier to ask women out when it's on the internet. If they say no it's not like I have to ever talk to them again or deal with them in social situations or at work or anything like that. I have to admit that I really feel for you guys when having to face rejection like this. That's why I don't have the courage to tell men how I feel because I don't know if I could handle it emotionally. I guess if I was a male and had been taught since childhood that it's my place to make the first moves and get the girl, or do without, I would have developed a thick skin by the time I graduated high school. No matter which gender we are this dating stuff is not easy at all... I like being able to get to know men much more slowly online, as apposed to them being right here in person and making demands or requests that I'm not ready to give in too yet. You say you don't like to exchange endless emails, but what if you met someone long distance from you, and you couldn't just meet her as quickly as you prefer, would you then take time to communicate to see if the connection was worth pursuing? Well, I talk to people on the internet from all over the world and I have actually talked privately with a few of the women from this forum. It's not like I'm pursuing them though. If they wanted to meet me they would have to come here. I only contacted them looking for friendship. I did date someone from this site that lived in a different city from me. She said that she liked me and wanted to meet me but kept making excuses and putting it off. She told me that I was being impatient, so I just said to her that the offer was there and she could just let me know when she did want to meet up. So yeah, I'm fine with the getting to know each other online first thing even if it is going to take a while. I'm just not going to waste somebody's time trying to chat them up if they can't come here and I can't go there. The first time I tried internet dating it was like this site and none or hardly any of the local women would talk to me, so I started contacting women that lived hundreds of miles away. Some of them were friendly but I couldn't date them, so it was a bit of a waste of time really. It's all very well to get to know people on the internet but without an actual meeting they are just people on the internet and a person's forum persona is just that. okay.. I just viewed your profile, and you live in Scotland? I can definitely see how that could hinder you being able to meet women here in the USA... and even tho this is a dating site I like the forums to interact with everyone... men and women... getting to meet people from everywhere and becoming friends, even if it is just online... sometimes it's nice to know you have friends in far away places that you can easily click on too and connect with... especially on the days when you can be so lonely and time just seems to be going more slowly... I like your dog, btw... |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... It really depends on the situation. I met a couple recently that had this single friend tagging along with them all the time. I wasn't sure if the girl liked me or not and it was hard to have a proper chat with her in front of her friends. I kept meeting up with them but I was starting to dislike the couple and was only really meeting up with them because I was interested in dating their friend. It just came to the point where I didn't want to keep doing that and it was becoming really awkward, so I just emailed the girl and asked her if she would be interested in meeting up without her friends. She said no and took offence at what I said about her friends, so fine, I had my answer and I wasn't going to meet up with them again anyway, so I had put an end to an awkward situation rather than creating one. It's more tricky though when you meet someone through people that you are going to stay in contact with though. I was at my sister's wedding and was introduced to a friend of hers. We flirted but I didn't read too much into that because she is just a really flirty person. I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone since though and I just assume that because my sister hasn't said anything about the girl liking me that she isn't really interested in me or that desperate. My sister never tries to set me up with her friends though and things are awkward enough between me and my sister as it is, so I haven't persued that and made a fool of myself. Another one is a family friend. I've actually spent time alone with her and we sort of went out as friends once. She said that it had been a nice day and I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal sometime. She made an excuse about being busy with family stuff, so okay, I just took that as meaning that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends and I'm not going to ask her again or keep thinking about her romantically. As far as meeting people online goes, it's pretty much the same. I let them know that I'm interested in meeting them fairly quickly because I went on dating sites looking to meet women and not to exchange endless aimless emails. If anything, it's easier to ask women out when it's on the internet. If they say no it's not like I have to ever talk to them again or deal with them in social situations or at work or anything like that. I have to admit that I really feel for you guys when having to face rejection like this. That's why I don't have the courage to tell men how I feel because I don't know if I could handle it emotionally. I guess if I was a male and had been taught since childhood that it's my place to make the first moves and get the girl, or do without, I would have developed a thick skin by the time I graduated high school. No matter which gender we are this dating stuff is not easy at all... I like being able to get to know men much more slowly online, as apposed to them being right here in person and making demands or requests that I'm not ready to give in too yet. You say you don't like to exchange endless emails, but what if you met someone long distance from you, and you couldn't just meet her as quickly as you prefer, would you then take time to communicate to see if the connection was worth pursuing? Well, I talk to people on the internet from all over the world and I have actually talked privately with a few of the women from this forum. It's not like I'm pursuing them though. If they wanted to meet me they would have to come here. I only contacted them looking for friendship. I did date someone from this site that lived in a different city from me. She said that she liked me and wanted to meet me but kept making excuses and putting it off. She told me that I was being impatient, so I just said to her that the offer was there and she could just let me know when she did want to meet up. So yeah, I'm fine with the getting to know each other online first thing even if it is going to take a while. I'm just not going to waste somebody's time trying to chat them up if they can't come here and I can't go there. The first time I tried internet dating it was like this site and none or hardly any of the local women would talk to me, so I started contacting women that lived hundreds of miles away. Some of them were friendly but I couldn't date them, so it was a bit of a waste of time really. It's all very well to get to know people on the internet but without an actual meeting they are just people on the internet and a person's forum persona is just that. okay.. I just viewed your profile, and you live in Scotland? I can definitely see how that could hinder you being able to meet women here in the USA... and even tho this is a dating site I like the forums to interact with everyone... men and women... getting to meet people from everywhere and becoming friends, even if it is just online... sometimes it's nice to know you have friends in far away places that you can easily click on too and connect with... especially on the days when you can be so lonely and time just seems to be going more slowly... I like your dog, btw... Well yeah, I go on the internet out of boredom and loneliness. I'm not ashamed to admit that. The rejection I've had on dating sites is tough though and it does get to the point where I just say to hell with it and try to get on with something more productive with my time. It can become a bad habit continuing to log onto dating sites when you have had all of the confidence knocked out of you and you aren't really even having any fun with it anymore. |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... It really depends on the situation. I met a couple recently that had this single friend tagging along with them all the time. I wasn't sure if the girl liked me or not and it was hard to have a proper chat with her in front of her friends. I kept meeting up with them but I was starting to dislike the couple and was only really meeting up with them because I was interested in dating their friend. It just came to the point where I didn't want to keep doing that and it was becoming really awkward, so I just emailed the girl and asked her if she would be interested in meeting up without her friends. She said no and took offence at what I said about her friends, so fine, I had my answer and I wasn't going to meet up with them again anyway, so I had put an end to an awkward situation rather than creating one. It's more tricky though when you meet someone through people that you are going to stay in contact with though. I was at my sister's wedding and was introduced to a friend of hers. We flirted but I didn't read too much into that because she is just a really flirty person. I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone since though and I just assume that because my sister hasn't said anything about the girl liking me that she isn't really interested in me or that desperate. My sister never tries to set me up with her friends though and things are awkward enough between me and my sister as it is, so I haven't persued that and made a fool of myself. Another one is a family friend. I've actually spent time alone with her and we sort of went out as friends once. She said that it had been a nice day and I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal sometime. She made an excuse about being busy with family stuff, so okay, I just took that as meaning that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends and I'm not going to ask her again or keep thinking about her romantically. As far as meeting people online goes, it's pretty much the same. I let them know that I'm interested in meeting them fairly quickly because I went on dating sites looking to meet women and not to exchange endless aimless emails. If anything, it's easier to ask women out when it's on the internet. If they say no it's not like I have to ever talk to them again or deal with them in social situations or at work or anything like that. I have to admit that I really feel for you guys when having to face rejection like this. That's why I don't have the courage to tell men how I feel because I don't know if I could handle it emotionally. I guess if I was a male and had been taught since childhood that it's my place to make the first moves and get the girl, or do without, I would have developed a thick skin by the time I graduated high school. No matter which gender we are this dating stuff is not easy at all... I like being able to get to know men much more slowly online, as apposed to them being right here in person and making demands or requests that I'm not ready to give in too yet. You say you don't like to exchange endless emails, but what if you met someone long distance from you, and you couldn't just meet her as quickly as you prefer, would you then take time to communicate to see if the connection was worth pursuing? Well, I talk to people on the internet from all over the world and I have actually talked privately with a few of the women from this forum. It's not like I'm pursuing them though. If they wanted to meet me they would have to come here. I only contacted them looking for friendship. I did date someone from this site that lived in a different city from me. She said that she liked me and wanted to meet me but kept making excuses and putting it off. She told me that I was being impatient, so I just said to her that the offer was there and she could just let me know when she did want to meet up. So yeah, I'm fine with the getting to know each other online first thing even if it is going to take a while. I'm just not going to waste somebody's time trying to chat them up if they can't come here and I can't go there. The first time I tried internet dating it was like this site and none or hardly any of the local women would talk to me, so I started contacting women that lived hundreds of miles away. Some of them were friendly but I couldn't date them, so it was a bit of a waste of time really. It's all very well to get to know people on the internet but without an actual meeting they are just people on the internet and a person's forum persona is just that. okay.. I just viewed your profile, and you live in Scotland? I can definitely see how that could hinder you being able to meet women here in the USA... and even tho this is a dating site I like the forums to interact with everyone... men and women... getting to meet people from everywhere and becoming friends, even if it is just online... sometimes it's nice to know you have friends in far away places that you can easily click on too and connect with... especially on the days when you can be so lonely and time just seems to be going more slowly... I like your dog, btw... Well yeah, I go on the internet out of boredom and loneliness. I'm not ashamed to admit that. The rejection I've had on dating sites is tough though and it does get to the point where I just say to hell with it and try to get on with something more productive with my time. It can become a bad habit continuing to log onto dating sites when you have had all of the confidence knocked out of you and you aren't really even having any fun with it anymore. Sorry to hear about your bad experiences... I know how disappointing they can be... but the online friendships are nice to have after giving up dating... IMHO... |
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I wouldn't put myself through all of that having a crush on someone and letting it develop into an obsession business that I went through when I was a painfully shy teenager. I'm a hell of a lot less picky now though and I don't actually meet that many women. Now what I try to do if I do meet someone is that I just ask them if they want to go out sometime at the first opportune moment, or I try to anyway. If they aren't interested then that's that and I forget about it and don't bother them again. Their decision; their loss. "Sorry, not interested" generally puts me off women anyway and nips any feelings that I have for them in the bud. Conversely, if they do seem to find me atractive, that's a turn on. The problem is that I find it hard to tell if a woman is just friendly or flirty or genuinely atracted to me. so do you have a method by which you can come to the conclusion about her true feelings, or do you just linger in doubt mixed with hope? and are you talking about women you meet online, or in person? just curious... It really depends on the situation. I met a couple recently that had this single friend tagging along with them all the time. I wasn't sure if the girl liked me or not and it was hard to have a proper chat with her in front of her friends. I kept meeting up with them but I was starting to dislike the couple and was only really meeting up with them because I was interested in dating their friend. It just came to the point where I didn't want to keep doing that and it was becoming really awkward, so I just emailed the girl and asked her if she would be interested in meeting up without her friends. She said no and took offence at what I said about her friends, so fine, I had my answer and I wasn't going to meet up with them again anyway, so I had put an end to an awkward situation rather than creating one. It's more tricky though when you meet someone through people that you are going to stay in contact with though. I was at my sister's wedding and was introduced to a friend of hers. We flirted but I didn't read too much into that because she is just a really flirty person. I haven't had a chance to talk to her alone since though and I just assume that because my sister hasn't said anything about the girl liking me that she isn't really interested in me or that desperate. My sister never tries to set me up with her friends though and things are awkward enough between me and my sister as it is, so I haven't persued that and made a fool of myself. Another one is a family friend. I've actually spent time alone with her and we sort of went out as friends once. She said that it had been a nice day and I asked her if she would like to go out for a meal sometime. She made an excuse about being busy with family stuff, so okay, I just took that as meaning that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends and I'm not going to ask her again or keep thinking about her romantically. As far as meeting people online goes, it's pretty much the same. I let them know that I'm interested in meeting them fairly quickly because I went on dating sites looking to meet women and not to exchange endless aimless emails. If anything, it's easier to ask women out when it's on the internet. If they say no it's not like I have to ever talk to them again or deal with them in social situations or at work or anything like that. I have to admit that I really feel for you guys when having to face rejection like this. That's why I don't have the courage to tell men how I feel because I don't know if I could handle it emotionally. I guess if I was a male and had been taught since childhood that it's my place to make the first moves and get the girl, or do without, I would have developed a thick skin by the time I graduated high school. No matter which gender we are this dating stuff is not easy at all... I like being able to get to know men much more slowly online, as apposed to them being right here in person and making demands or requests that I'm not ready to give in too yet. You say you don't like to exchange endless emails, but what if you met someone long distance from you, and you couldn't just meet her as quickly as you prefer, would you then take time to communicate to see if the connection was worth pursuing? Well, I talk to people on the internet from all over the world and I have actually talked privately with a few of the women from this forum. It's not like I'm pursuing them though. If they wanted to meet me they would have to come here. I only contacted them looking for friendship. I did date someone from this site that lived in a different city from me. She said that she liked me and wanted to meet me but kept making excuses and putting it off. She told me that I was being impatient, so I just said to her that the offer was there and she could just let me know when she did want to meet up. So yeah, I'm fine with the getting to know each other online first thing even if it is going to take a while. I'm just not going to waste somebody's time trying to chat them up if they can't come here and I can't go there. The first time I tried internet dating it was like this site and none or hardly any of the local women would talk to me, so I started contacting women that lived hundreds of miles away. Some of them were friendly but I couldn't date them, so it was a bit of a waste of time really. It's all very well to get to know people on the internet but without an actual meeting they are just people on the internet and a person's forum persona is just that. okay.. I just viewed your profile, and you live in Scotland? I can definitely see how that could hinder you being able to meet women here in the USA... and even tho this is a dating site I like the forums to interact with everyone... men and women... getting to meet people from everywhere and becoming friends, even if it is just online... sometimes it's nice to know you have friends in far away places that you can easily click on too and connect with... especially on the days when you can be so lonely and time just seems to be going more slowly... I like your dog, btw... Well yeah, I go on the internet out of boredom and loneliness. I'm not ashamed to admit that. The rejection I've had on dating sites is tough though and it does get to the point where I just say to hell with it and try to get on with something more productive with my time. It can become a bad habit continuing to log onto dating sites when you have had all of the confidence knocked out of you and you aren't really even having any fun with it anymore. Sorry to hear about your bad experiences... I know how disappointing they can be... but the online friendships are nice to have after giving up dating... IMHO... Yes but there's a difference between giving up dating and giving up hope that you can get a date. I would still quite happily meet someone for a date if I could actually find somebody local that would talk to me and I still ocasionally check out profiles and mail people. I stupidly subscribed to another site where you have to pay for the privelage and I contacted someone on there the other day. I got a reply last night and was told that if I wanted to chat to email her offsite. The spammers annoy me. They get your hopes up and dash them again. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy talking to people on this forum. I think of the internet like television though. It is contact with the outside world but it is also a distraction that I use to avoid getting on with my studies. I am doing a masters degree just now and I just started my second year. Well, the course has started but I'm not really getting on with it and I didn't do any studying to prepare for it during the holidays because I was dating and talking to someone on here every day. I am not very good at disciplining myself properly and organising my time and I'll go on the internet just intending to spend a short time making a post or two and before I know it I've spent all day at it and I haven't done any work. |
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Sorry to hear about your bad experiences... I know how disappointing they can be... but the online friendships are nice to have after giving up dating... IMHO... Yes but there's a difference between giving up dating and giving up hope that you can get a date. I would still quite happily meet someone for a date if I could actually find somebody local that would talk to me and I still ocasionally check out profiles and mail people. I stupidly subscribed to another site where you have to pay for the privelage and I contacted someone on there the other day. I got a reply last night and was told that if I wanted to chat to email her offsite. The spammers annoy me. They get your hopes up and dash them again. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy talking to people on this forum. I think of the internet like television though. It is contact with the outside world but it is also a distraction that I use to avoid getting on with my studies. I am doing a masters degree just now and I just started my second year. Well, the course has started but I'm not really getting on with it and I didn't do any studying to prepare for it during the holidays because I was dating and talking to someone on here every day. I am not very good at disciplining myself properly and organising my time and I'll go on the internet just intending to spend a short time making a post or two and before I know it I've spent all day at it and I haven't done any work. I live in a very small town... it's my ex's home turf, and my property sits right in the middle of his family's, even though my house is road front land, they surround me on both sides and behind me... here, everybody knows everybody else and all their business too... I'm not from this area, but I'm not going to move away because I don't want to sell, I like the country atmosphere, etc... there's very little chance that I will be able to connect with another man in this type of environment... so I came online to see if I could make friends elsewhere... since joining the dating sites, I've made a few friends that I enjoy talking too, but have never met anyone in person... so I guess I'm the reason I haven't found anyone because I'm limiting my own abilities... but, what about you? why is it that you can't find someone locally? what about when you're at college, the other students... or at church, if you attend... just curious.. |
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Sorry to hear about your bad experiences... I know how disappointing they can be... but the online friendships are nice to have after giving up dating... IMHO... Yes but there's a difference between giving up dating and giving up hope that you can get a date. I would still quite happily meet someone for a date if I could actually find somebody local that would talk to me and I still ocasionally check out profiles and mail people. I stupidly subscribed to another site where you have to pay for the privelage and I contacted someone on there the other day. I got a reply last night and was told that if I wanted to chat to email her offsite. The spammers annoy me. They get your hopes up and dash them again. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy talking to people on this forum. I think of the internet like television though. It is contact with the outside world but it is also a distraction that I use to avoid getting on with my studies. I am doing a masters degree just now and I just started my second year. Well, the course has started but I'm not really getting on with it and I didn't do any studying to prepare for it during the holidays because I was dating and talking to someone on here every day. I am not very good at disciplining myself properly and organising my time and I'll go on the internet just intending to spend a short time making a post or two and before I know it I've spent all day at it and I haven't done any work. I live in a very small town... it's my ex's home turf, and my property sits right in the middle of his family's, even though my house is road front land, they surround me on both sides and behind me... here, everybody knows everybody else and all their business too... I'm not from this area, but I'm not going to move away because I don't want to sell, I like the country atmosphere, etc... there's very little chance that I will be able to connect with another man in this type of environment... so I came online to see if I could make friends elsewhere... since joining the dating sites, I've made a few friends that I enjoy talking too, but have never met anyone in person... so I guess I'm the reason I haven't found anyone because I'm limiting my own abilities... but, what about you? why is it that you can't find someone locally? what about when you're at college, the other students... or at church, if you attend... just curious.. Well, it's complicated and it's not something that I'm altogether comfortable talking about on public forums. But okay, you asked and we are supposedly all friends here. I have a visual impairment. I can't travel to meet people because I have mobility problems. A date in my home town is doable but anything else is impossible. Yes, I am just partially sighted and there are people that are completely blind that seem to cope but i have had no real help apart from from my family and I have been struggling for fifteen years to try to come to terms with it and it is really difficult and frustrating. I go to public places and I can see people but I can't see them smile or make eye contact. I have no friends to go out with and if I don't go out I can't make friends. If I do go out somewhere I'm just sitting there on my own hoping that people will come over and talk to me. The activities that I can participate in are limited by my disability and I don't like the charities because they were so unhelpful and I don't want to hang about with blind people. I'm not religious and I don't go to church. I did try to get into the local university but for reasons that are a bit complicated that didn't work out and I am just studying with the Open University. It is a proper university but it is just for people that study on their own at home really and the only interaction with other people on this course is on the internet. I did have a girlfriend and I really tried to make that work but she was quite nasty and hurtful about my disability and after a while she decided that she "didn't want to get involved" and we were just "friends". That ended badly and we don't talk to each other anymore. I met someone on this site and that built up my confidence and made me feel good about myself again but it didn't work out and now I am alone again with nobody to talk to apart from people on the internet and my mother on the phone. So, there it is. I live in the city surrounded by thousands of people but I am cut off from society. I've tried lots of things to get out and meet people but none of it has resulted in me making any real friends. I am not comfortable or confident going to new places on my own and I'm a grown man still dependant on his mother. It's pathetic and humiliating. I'm one huge bag of negativity and none of this is going to make me atractive to women, even if I could meet them. I lived in a small community too where everybody knew everybody else's business. My parents still live there but when this thing happened to my eyesight I decided that I had to get out of there and try to make a new life for myself in the city. I have lost touch with all of my old friends and aquaintances and most days I only go out to walk my dog or go to the local store. The only purpose I have in life is just to continue with my studies and possibly I might still achieve some of my ambitions and build a life for myself but I'm just plodding away at that and a lot of the time it is hard to find the motivation and be enthusiastic about it because I'm just doing it on my own. |
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