If the person you love is commitment phobia ....help me understand this person ...one day they are talking about how much you mean to them and then can go days with no contact? Been going through this for almost 3 years ...ugh!

No.

Either they want to let you in... or they don't.
How could I help you understand something that you already know?

I wonder sometimes if its because I'm just not the right one

Seems to me that it says more about them than it does you.
Whether or not you're the "right" one or not... idk.

Regardless, if you're not the right one for them doesn't mean anything about you.

I've picked up a hundred books that I never finished...
I never thought that the author wasn't "right" and I never thought the author would think the same of me.

You are being played like a fish.

Flush and move on.

Three years is way too much time to be farting around in a relationship that is not giving you what you want. Unless of course you want to spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself.

Why are you putting up with that crap???

Sorry, had to ask.

I understand! I guess I already knew the answer....Only hoped there was a hope :( think it also didn't help that the one time I tried to move on with someone eles was not such a great experience.

Your hope is that you're not a reject just because someone didn't read your book.
I know that it sucks... but your life has other opportunities beyond her.

Go.
Make a new path.

Reading your original post, I am curious as to the "kind" of relationship you have with her? I mean, you say that she can go days without contacting you right? To me, their really isn't a relationship there if this is the case. Sounds like a mere convenient factor in which she knows she can do that and then go right back to you as if nothing had ever happened. To me she is treating you as a mere friend, and while you love her in the way that you want to be with her, she doesn't feel that way (possibly never has). It's like that old song says, "I can't make you love me if you don't". Sure she cares about ya. But she just doesn't love you enough to be with you.

it's called "Friends With Benefits"

I say; move on if you want committment.

Thanks for the respond... It is a he! I'm female :) but very helpful in site!

Not sleeping together

Then it's not even a casual relationship really. If I was you I would just ask him why it is that if he cares about you so much he doesn't call you for days. If you do love this guy and want to be with him you need to comunicate.

Hi sunny, nice to meet you... have you ever asked "him" why he's the way he is?

In my own personal experience, I have found that a man who refuses to commit to a woman is not a good risk to take, nor is he someone you can count on. At least you know in advance what kind of relationship you will have with him, unless he changes his mind and ways. I wish you both well..

There is more to this than this little box has room for. I have known this guy from high school. I never dated him till 3 years ago! We both have been married a couple of times. We have talked about the trama the divorces have left and the commitment phobia that he has. The non talking for days is not on regular base it's when something triggers him and he goes into this shut down depressed stay to him self mode! He not only shuts me out but everyone eles also! As I said before We both have tried to move on but we seperated for months with no communication but not able to move forward.We have tried the friend thing but can't do that either.

thank you for painting a clearer picture, sunny... the two of you have been more like friends, and shoulders to lean on, but ultimately might want something different than each other. During your separations, when, I assume one or both of you try to make a go of it with others, and it doesn't work out, you return to the comfort you know you'll find in each others equal and/or familiar journey.

This is what I think you are saying... if this is the case, then the two of you might keep this up until 1)you both find someone else 2)one finds someone else 3) you finally decide you won't find anyone else who understands and accepts you for who you are, and decide to get back together for good.

No matter what you decide in the future, right now you are on a dating site looking for company... so maybe you will be able to find who you are looking for online.. if not.. he's still your standby guy to turn too when you get lonely... again.. best wishes for both of you...