I don't want to die. I'm not suicidal. Subconsciously though it seems I'm flirting with death.

After my divorce and my realization true love may not be in the cards, I began delving into smoking again and in the past three years I've become a raging alcoholic. It's been to the point that some days I've really felt that I may die.

Heart doesn't seem to want to work properly, ringing in my ears with severe headaches, back pain, and a few emergency room visits, yea, it's scary the symptoms acute alcoholism can bring. Twelve pack a day plus habit is asking for trouble, yes, I know.

I've thought about a rehab facility but I can't afford to take the time off work. You see, so far I am still able to maintain a job somehow, and would like it to stay that way. Most in house rehab facilities would like you to stay there a month or two and I don't see how that could happen for me. After that, they want you to stay in a halfway house to rehabilitate you for like at least a month. I don't see how that's possible for me. I'm not Mel Gibson

For those of you here that have fought this battle, how the **** do you get off this ****? I'm afraid that if I quit cold turkey my anxiety will return with a vengeance and may experience seizures or worse, death. You see, I'm chemically dependent and have been for a long time. I know I have a problem, but I'm scared shitless to do anything about it because it's gotten to the stage that it's in

Any advise would be helpful

There is a good book by Kamal something or other- I forget things, called Live like your Life depended on it or something like that. Google it, $5 on Amazon

try AA, it can't hurt..

Isn't there an addiction/recovery thread on one of these forums?

Wow, 12 beers a day, those symptoms sound blood-pressure related.
The only time we make big changes like that (quitting the addiction)
is when the fear of continuing outweighs the fear of quitting.

Sounds like you are near.
Hope you make the call before you have no choices left.
We kinda like you here :-)

Aloha

I'll check it out. Thanks man

I have looked into AA a bit but have never been to a meeting. I'm not fond of spilling my guts to strangers yet I find myself here doing just that. I guess you're probably right, it can't hurt. I might try it out, but no promises

Yes, I've seen one. It's mostly posts about how long they've been sober. I'm definitely not sober and not sure I fit in with that crowd at the moment. I'm mostly interested in posts about how they have dealt with withdrawal symptoms as that's what I have facing me.

Last time I went to the ER my blood pressure was really high so you may be on to something. I am afraid to quit and I'm also afraid to continue like I've been cause I'm not ready to kick the bucket. From what I've read, tapering may be best for my situation and not to quit cold turkey.

Thanks for kinda liking me

It is hard azz work my friend. No doubt about it. but its just a choice in the end. do the work or don't. Yes your symptoms are fully related to the abuse your putting your body through. I was there too. And choosing to do nothing is going to kill you. SO do it now.

I also found being divorce un comprehensible. . . . . . . at first. I am not saying you will need to change your view of marriage or divorce but at some point you will come to terms of the fact you never had control of the other persons heart and, outside of all the things that you did do wrong in the marriage, it really came down to your partners choice to not fight for the marriage and had nothing to do with you. I will say it again, this was not within your control.

Message me if you want to chat more. I know you feel alone in this. Trust me. You are not.

I'm known around here as a hard-asss. Not many folks like me. I tend to tell the truth without sparing feelings.

So, here's some truth.

Smoking and alcohol abuse is a death wish. I know. My own experience.

It's also what self-pitying people do, complain about the symptoms when one already has the answers to the problem.

In AA, you don't have to talk. Best to shut up and listen anyways. But, self-centered folks will want to be the center of attention and will probably do more talking than listening.

There is no guarantee you will die from smoking and/or alcohol. You could be very sick and a burden on society for years.

You could wind up wet-brained. If you don't know what that is, look it up.

You could wind up in prison and/or in a nut house and then, just wishing you was dead.

If, but I highly doubt it will happen, you do go to AA, find someone who won't enable your self-pitying attitude and will have you do the work required to become the person you can be.

Good luck.

I like you Will, I like hard azzes, and I really like that blunt, truthful edge of yours because I trust it...I hope WithOrWithout takes your advice to heart because it is right on the money....WorW you state in your OP you began drinking and using tobacco as a way to cope with heartbreak....Avoidance is never a solution, it's as simple as that...Give AA a try and do it with an open mind...It is not kindergarden, they do not make you do stuff......I join with the other posters to wish you much luck...You have already faced the hardest part, admitting you are an alcoholic...Oh yeah, this is just a suggestion, but you might want to consider giving up the alcohol first....One addiction at a time!

I admire you're honesty. At least you admitted to yourself that you have this problem. As with any addiction, I think maybe weaning yourself off it gradually could work better than going cold turkey. As cold turkey could give your body too much of a shock. Not saying it definitely would, though. Good luck

the mind is a very powerful tool.. and changing it is just a decision away.. now that you have admitted you have a problem.. you've taken the first step to recovery.. don't expect all will happen over night.. accept that it's a long, hard process (as H-John pointed out).. take one day at a time and live that day the best you can.. tomorrow will dawn anew and you will tackle that one when it comes.. bottom line.. be true to you and accept we do not have control over what others say or do.. we only have control over how we act or react to them.. we can be our own best friend.. or worst enemy.. the decision it totally up to you which path you take!

be strong.. keep your goal in focus and you will overcome anything you put your mind to!

there is NO weaning yourself off once you have lost control!
It's either all or nothing!
If the Withdraval-Symptoms get to big,get medical Care!

I have fought a battle my friend with depression please turn to god he will help you. Take out apiece of paper and write down all the things you want to change and all the things you want to be, fold them put them in a bible and pray hard over and over. The process is slow and sometimes frustrating but trust me my friend you are worth it. Good luck and god bless you

I have to go with the weaning approach as a first alternative.

Why waste his and AA's time if he ain't sure he's ready.

I would suggest controlled drinking. Like, limit yourself to one beer a day or a 6 pack one day a week. Try that for a month and see how it works.

If, you feel you can't quit without aid, a low-cost shrink can prescribe antabuse. You can take that until you are sure you can handle it without the drug.

I was more or less thinking about the effect it could have on his internal organs, if he suddenly stopped it in one go. That's all. It's not like I'm advocating alcoholism. It's not like he commited some god-awful crime. He just wants a bit of help. He knows he is in a pretty bad place. I'm sure asking for help is a good thing.

You did good.

I forgot about controlled drinking.

A half case a day isn't that much. My Father-in-Law does that much in the morning and starts on his second half case at lunch. He even does a shot of whiskey in his first cup of coffee.

Again, if a person wants to find out if they are addicted, controlled drinking would help them decide.

Addiction can be either or both physical and mental.

you dont have to spill your guts in a meeting. Just going and hearing other peoples stories can help. Just try it, you might be surprised. Goodluck to you and i will pray for you.